A Witness at My Door

The date and day are irrelevant as is the location of the event. What season it was and what the weather was like on that sunny morning is also unimportant. The fact that I was on a day off only matters because of what I was doing.

I had showered, shaved, and pulled out the powder n paint. You may have heard the phrase,” powder and paint makes a girl what she ain’t.” It was told to me by a beautifully made up gg from Florida whom I was sharing drinks with one evening in a Canadian bar in Southern Alberta.

My friend had taught me some makeup tips that I could put into practice. On this particular Sunday morning, I was in full swing at the mirror. I was dressed in a long flowing white boho-style skirt; I love boho. I added a bright blue and white off the shoulder, ¾ sleeve top and had bare feet with pretty, painted toes and some foot jewelry. Dangling from my ears was the single largest, most blingy pair of boho earrings I owned—about the size of a tablespoon or big willow leaf fishing lure!

I’d watched a YouTube video and absolutely mastered a beautiful, thick, fish tail braid that draped gently over one shoulder as my side bang swept across my face all sassy.

Knock…knock…knock…silence…

Have you noticed you often just know who it is at your door by the way they knock? And I knew this knock very well. This was that every now and then knocking; it sounds almost apologetic, a little nervous, almost obligated.

Every time that knock came, I sat very still and very quietly on the side of my bed, waiting as my chosen strategy. They never retry more than three times, maybe there’s a limit allowed? This day, however, I felt my body twitch. I ignored it, ignored it again. And then all of the sudden, I was approaching the door with a power-filled determination; a new decision had been made. There was some fear, yes, but in that moment there was much more determination guiding my body.

My inner dialogue shifted from “don’t move, be quiet, and back away from the situation” to, “I don’t know them, don’t need to know them, and I care not about what they think, say or do except when they are in my space.” Maybe I can teach them more about my beliefs than what they’ll attempt to teach me about their beliefs, simply by showing up and us engaging each other.

I reached the door, and with one smooth motion pulled it open as wide as it would go. There I stood in all my pretty boho-magnificence. Smiling big through my glistening red lips I said, “Gooood morning, what a beautiful day to be out and about, hey?”

I’d had enough of cowering in my own home. At times, we can choose to do a thing until you reach the point when you’ve finally had enough. No matter what it is, whether it’s eating ice cream, having sex, jogging, it doesn’t matter. We do it until we’ve had enough, and then we choose to do something different.

I’d had enough of playing small, powerless, afraid, and unworthy or in any way less-than anyone else simply because of the way I choose to decorate my body!

That decision has given me the courage and strength to push the limits of my comfort zone further and further outward, ever expanding as our universe does, naturally. I call it: expanding my play pen.

What have you had enough of right now in your life? What could you, in this moment decide on that is “enough,” for you? Would you make a choice that will empower you, let it take you one step, no matter how big or small, closer to your true, authentic self-desires?

I have had enough of isolating, stagnating, and self-induced victim states…what’s next for me? Video!! Arrgh…the mere notion sends fear throughout me, but also, Determination to expand. “It’s Show Time!”

Tell me what you have had enough of and are willing to change right now. Decide with big determination on one thing you’ve had enough of; I am excited to support you on your adventure as I am supported on mine. I am grateful for each of you here.

Namaste’

Char

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From a life of struggle, addiction and suicide attempts, to Published Author, Certified Life Coach/Certified Hypnotist and building an online support service for peeps like us. Intentionally and Consciously Creating a Rewarding, Abundant Life of Purpose, Passion & Possibility is what I Am all about...

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https://transgenderheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-b14-2.jpgDasia Anderl Recent comment authors
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Dasia Anderl
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Hi Charee! I enjoyed your article. Pushing one’s limits is a practice I admire. I’m proud of you for expanding your play pen, my friend. Some self limiting behaviors of mine I’m done with are smoking, allowing transphobes and sexists to limit my involvement in organizations, allowing my anger to boil over at transphobes and being angry about situations in my past that I can’t change. I’m aiming my sites at moving on over to the shiny happy neighborhood where I’m going to smile and get on with my gorgeous life. Peace, sister!

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B-E A Youuuuutiful Dasia, I think the more we allow those folks to rattle us, the more we show them weakness.
Presenting in a confident, polite and cheerful way will quell the fear mongers dear. People always act out when they are afraid so e just have to keep showing up being kind, friendly, accepting and supportive…We are already normal, it’s just a matter of time before some catch up is all hahaha

Stay beautiful sister, the world needs ya wink

Namaste’
n always huggles D hahaha
C grin

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