Does that make me a Nobio?
I created a new word Nobio for the purpose of this article. A term to describe someone like myself that cannot be defined accurately through science. I’m not sure how others will perceive it, but it emerged while reviewing the text that flowed as I typed, appearing as if by magic on my computer screen. All in coordination with the sound of keys being struck by my fingers as if I were a pianist composing a new melody. Only time will tell!
I’ve been on hormone supplements for over four years, (now thankfully on a prescribed treatment plan). Since oestrogen was introduced into my body, my chemical balance has clearly changed to more resemble that of a natural woman. During the first year of taking supplements, I went through the many stages of emotion surges, overloads, waves, and crashes, until my body became familiar with the new cocktail it had to deal with. I know this was real and was confirmed four years later when I finally had a prescribed treatment. Three months into it I was asked if I were experiencing anything different since applying the prescribed dosage of oestrogen gel.
The truth is, I really didn’t feel the same high level of emotional changes or fluctuations. The way I could quickly be brought to tears and back again without knowing why. The shock to my body chemistry had already taken place back then. I believe I detected an element of surprise from my endocrinologist when I replied to her question.
I had already and happily accepted before I took the medical route with my transition, that I was born a male and am a father of two children, I can never change that and do not wish to. I prefer not to get into a headlock with feminists over the issue of referring to myself as a woman. I respect and understand the biological differences that I will always have, no matter how much surgery I wish to subject myself to. It does not, however, stop me from knowing and saying that I am a woman, in my sense and interpretation of that word and in relation to being transgender. The latter term is one that I do not really like but accept in the same way that I am not a cis woman, no matter how I feel.
A chemical cocktail
Knowing the chemical changes that had taken place over the four-plus year period, I truly believe that I am a woman, as far as I can ever be. To be more precise – and will become, during the course of this year and after surgery. I will still be biologically a man, but my body chemistry and mind will not, along with the lifestyle that supports my beliefs, world, and self-perception.
No, I will never be a cis woman, and will never try to be accepted as one, especially in specific areas of sport or situations and where I am competing with them as if I were one of them. But that is not my passion in life either. There are those who do have that pursuit and find themselves being questioned by many sectors of society and especially feminists. The fact that there are already existing divisions in sport between males and females speaks loudly to me. In one way it makes sense, while in another it doesn’t. I dislike divisions for what they are and how they bring about the separation and segregation of groups of any kind. We are all people, life is not a competition, and Darwin got it wrong, albeit that he did the best he was able at that time!
There is so much in life for which I cannot find sensible answers. About why things are as they are, and how nations of people accept what they are subjected to without consultation or agreement. This feels contrary to my beliefs of human rights on all levels. But getting back to being a woman, I see so clearly how men have been derogatory and disempowering towards women for centuries. The word goddess is now used for celebrities in a weak attempt to elevate the weak to a higher perceived status in society – it doesn’t work for me! And there are goddesses that remain in existence but are not widely acknowledged or presented today, more so in Western culture.
I have observed men, who act in ways that I can only view as being quite pathetic, irrational, stupid, or plainly lacking in common sense. In their defence, common sense is anything but that in all people; it never ceases to amaze me on the levels in which it can surface daily.
The essence of women
Women are the true givers of life through the carrying and bearing of children, support and nurturing of families, and a great deal more. They have been the backbone of so many developments and discoveries – and of men for that matter. They have brought about great steps in learning that has been passed onto and even taken over by men. To an extent that the men have gone down in history as the creators.
One particular group of women have been described as the first human-computer. A large group of women worked together using adding machines during World War II. They broke codes that altered how events followed and would be written into history. Instead of their value and efforts being acknowledged, and developed to continue, they were requested to teach their skills and knowledge to the sons of the wealthy in England. As a result, those men rose upon the backs and brilliance of those women.
I understand and sympathise so much with a female point of view, albeit I’m late in the day, but I see, and I witness it personally and have done so since the first year of truly being myself in France. This country has a history of masochistic men, which I see now is changing with the younger generation emerging into society. Those narrow-minded views are diminishing, but only slowly, and in the ‘professions are still propagated today!
I’ll finish by reaffirming my position in acknowledging myself and my truth. Nobody can tell me who and what I am any more than I can tell them. It’s a two-way street, provided they are able to be accepting enough themselves and who they are in their own truth. If they are unable, that is fine too. I understand not everyone can be where I am with my own beliefs and acceptance of others. I am able to forgive anyone, providing they are not aggressive in trying to impose their beliefs on me.
My root thinking is “Live and let live”. If others cannot live in that way, I sympathise with them. I do not have to agree with them or them with me. We are free to be who we are and believe what we wish. If it causes no harm to another then there really is no issue and no harm done. This is how I live my life and interact with others.
If only this were a global mindset!!!
Perhaps captured in the lyrics of James Brown and Betty Jean Newsome in 1966 that reached number one in the charts, these have the essence of life!
It’s a man’s, man’s, man’s world
But it would be nothing
Nothing without a woman and or a girl!
More Articles by SophieFR
- Trust in What You Know in Your Heart
- Socially Induced Dysphoria
- A part of Me Lives here
- Electrolysis – The long journey
- Swimming against the Tide