Change how you think about yourself

The purity and cuteness of babies makes people talk in quite funny ways, turning them into blubbering adults – coochie-coo!  Terms such as cherub, angel and many others are used with love and affection when referring to babies. Being a child has such innocence attached to it. A time when we are a blank canvas ready to learn about the world and everything in it. Or maybe, it’s not quite that simple?

Influences we trust and believe in

We grow up trusting our parents above anyone. From birth, your parents will teach and demonstrate much to you that will form the basis of your beliefs and ideas of who you are – consciously and subconsciously.  Socio-economic influences may play a part in that or not. Certainly, what we see around us and through the media will provide external opinions and beliefs that we may adopt but without any guarantees.

It’s no wonder that we can find ourselves some years later wondering just who we are? I have seen many stories painstakingly written describing of feelings of guilt, shame, self-disapproval, depression and the list continues with an endless chain of emotions and inner struggle.

What I will go on to say, may apply only to those who were born around 25 years ago or longer, but, I may be wrong as it can be naive to generalise about some things. I am going to suggest an alternative way of looking at your life, albeit in retrospect. To be able to accept who you are requires a degree of understanding of what has happened during your lifetime. Instead of accepting the process that I outlined at the start, I would like you to adopt a new perspective in place of that.

You may have spent many hours thinking about what makes you the way you are, or questioning why? Searched for a sense of meaning that will allow you to deal with your feelings and enjoy your life instead of living a troubled existence. Perhaps, simply being able to be yourself and live in the way that you wish. In essence, admitting who or what you are and living as you choose. There are many levels that we are able to endure a great deal, due to work or family pressures, but that doesn’t mean that we are happy with our life.

Learning to change your point of view

Who or what you are is not the key here, my example is in relation to being Transgender and hardly a surprise. 

Have you ever thought any of the following: Who or what am I? Am I transgender?  Has my feminine side become stronger?  I am in the wrong body? Why is this happening to me? Perhaps those feelings have developed over time, or been with you for as long as you can recall?

What if those feelings are exactly the ones you were born with and not ones that have developed over time? Feelings that have been clouded, swamped and suppressed by everything you’ve been taught, learned or experienced from childhood? Could that have resulted in difficulties in relationships, prevented you from being happy, or being able to feel loved and love fully in return, or just feeling good about yourself?

Personally, I can’t see why this may not be a possibility at all. Once I was able to understand and accept who and what I am, my life began to make sense at last. While I am thankful that I have almost completed my journey, I have never stopped thinking about my past, present or future life. Once it began to feel like all the pieces had fallen into the right places, allowing me to enjoy being ‘me’ at last, was when I realised that I had been this person all along. Should it have been such a surprise? I can only answer that with a Yes and No! It seems a little obvious now, with a wry smile on my face, and then again – Not!

I urge you to spend some time and reflect upon your life to date. It is possible to calm that storm in you mind if you can devote the time, care and energy to finding your own true self. With self  acceptance comes happiness and a peace of mind that you may never have experienced before. It will not happen overnight and like many worthwhile aspects of life, it takes time to find that key. No matter how long it may take, I want to give you hope and faith that it is possible for anyone. It is simply out there, waiting for you to discover it for yourself. Like your deepest hidden feelings and beliefs and your inner self, it has been there since you first opened your eyes as a child. To find and release it will require an open minded approach, somewhat childlike maybe. Why should that be a bad thing, that was a stage when your mind was pure, clean and unpolluted. The point at which we all started from!

My final thought I share with you

Perhaps the answer is to stop questioning all those doubts and feelings. Begin to learn, understand and accept them, know who and what you are. Maybe then, the healing process will commence. Acceptance can unlock the parts within you that you seek.

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Born in London, England and a life long journey incorporating two marriages and a long relationship that eventually brought me to France. My two children and all of my family are fine with my choice to finally be the person I have always been. I am a creative, artistic soul who loves good food,cooking and real friends. Will I ever fall in love, will someone fall in love with me and does it matter? I have the love of my family and some very good friends in my life

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Shannon
Member
Shannon (@limbo)
2 months ago

I began seeing a therapist earlier this year, and that is when I began to experience clarity and rootedness that I never thought was even existent or possible. I am becoming truer to myself and the more I listen and accept my truth, the happier I am and continue to become. I needed help beyond myself to help me sort things out. The difference is amazing to me. I feel almost like I have renewed a friendship or trust with myself. I am no longer masking who I am to myself. That was my first step–my acceptance and understanding. I… Read more »

JaiymeLynne Rogers
Member
Member
JaiymeLynne Rogers (@jaiymelynne)
4 months ago

Sophie, A very enlightened and well written piece. I think you may be on to something here. As one born more than 25 years ago (many more), I totally get what you are saying. I do feel I had troubles in all the areas you mention, about expressing and giving and receiving love, having difficulties in relationships. Always had difficulties even getting in to a relationship. Never really felt happy, except in moments, always felt something missing. But didn’t know what or how to fix it. Repressed for so many years. But still on the road to true acceptance of… Read more »

Kelly
Member
Kelly (@spectrumvoyager)
4 months ago

Thank you for this article, Sophie. It’s so consice, and expertly written. You have a way to smoothly get to the heart of our experiences that takes the stigma away from who we are. Again, my thanks.

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