Change without the pain

There is more than one path to becoming the person you want to be, it doesn’t have to be one of suffering and pain

You may be among those who found their way to transition filled with pain, suffering and torment along the way. That may be a symptom of those who were born into an environment where any kind of sexual expression was not acceptable and subsequently caused them to face the difficulties throughout their path to transition. I have observed positive changes in social acceptance in recent years, in many countries, and at the same time lacking severely in others. Currently, and more worrying are the troubling occurrences where it seems to be getting worse in some areas.

From my own perspective, I spent many years in the shadows of myself and unable to break free from the life I had created for myself as a man. I consciously dug myself into hole that was hard to see a way out of. I convinced myself that I was doing what I should do without question until I realised many years later that I hadn’t pursued the road to create a happy life for the person that I’ve always been.

It took two marriages, two children, plus another long relationship that also failed, before I was forced to examine my life in a deeper way. I arrived in France with my partner, who I was together with for 12 years. Eventually, our relationship decayed beyond repair seven years later, and I found myself living alone. It was an extremely troubling time in my life, living in a foreign country with limited language skills and no regular employment, and the future looking bleak.

The breakup from a 12-year relationship is not likely to be the happiest moment in your life. I slipped into a mild state of panic and even a level of depression. It was enough to drag me down into a negative-thinking black hole for a period of time. One where I drank far too much and indulged in behaviors to lose myself in a haze of intoxication in order to shut out the reality that I believed I was in.  

Life became financially difficult and remained that way for the next three years. During that time, I was forced to re-evaluate my life in great detail and to consider the options that I had. I eventually chose to view my position in a vastly different way as a result. I decided my life really wasn’t so bad after all, and that I was actually grateful for many of the things I did have; a house that was mine, enough money for food, the means to heat the house during winter and go out occasionally to socialise or meet friends if I were careful with my resources.

That in and of itself was a big step, which contributed to further developments that took my life towards a better place. The point I am making here; I had to go through very unpleasant conditions that I perceived were outside of my control, where I felt my back was against the wall and with few options for the direction I could chose!

This period of extreme adversity forced me to make big changes in the way I thought and perceived the way I was living my life. The process that I went through was not one I would have freely chosen. It was quite an unpleasant period in my life and one I would not wish to return to. However, contrary to what happened, without those series of events taking place in my life, I doubt that I would have reached the point where I accepted myself and began my transition.

So why I am writing about this now?

During this year, my life continued along a path of discovery and learning; one that I willingly pursue with open arms. I believe that there are far better ways to bring about the same dramatic changes that I had to go through to get to where I am today.  I know from conversations with others that dealing with this type of adversity is a common event. One that can force us into big changes in our lives and in particular in regard to transitioning.

The pivotal issue here is in the experience that challenges our thinking and behaviour to the degree where we have no other choice but to accept the revised alternatives. They allow us to break free from our programmed and conditioned pattern of life where a new – recreated mindset can be applied based on our own choices and desires. To what may become an overwhelming and totally consuming feeling inside of you, uplifting every aspect of your being that you are left wondering at how you never discovered this earlier in your life!


I will list just one here. I understand and can help in creating the desired effect to change your life and provide alternatives to get you to where you want to be, without encountering adversity as I had to experience. This is something that is within the reach of everyone, the only price is your time, commitment, and belief in yourself to achieve it. And that one thng is *meditation! Some of you will with no doubt scoff at such an idea – I’m sure! If you do research with an open mind into this world you will find cases and examples as to where people have created amazing changes in their lives by using meditation as a part of their self-development and awareness mindset. It’s just a matter of how much you are prepared to invest into yourself and your life.

If you had a choice that could help you make those changes yourself, then why wouldn’t you want to do that today and every day?

Adversity has arrived

What I am seeing around us all is extreme adversity taking place on a global scale! I feel certain this will unquestionably bring about huge changes on a scale we have never witnessed in our lifetimes. I bring this to your attention to allow you to prepare yourself in the best way possible; to be informed is to be armed! The changes we are likely to experience will be varied, some difficult to deal with and others consoling perhaps as we move through the events that present themselves to us in the future. The more grounded and centered you can be in yourself, physically in your health, in your mind, in spirituality, your awareness, with understanding, in being happy and accepting of yourself, the more you will be equipped to better deal with the effects from within a position of stability. You’ll be able to make your own choices and decisions so that they align with your conscious and subconscious thinking.
So that I finish here on a positive note: I also believe in the balance of nature and its ability to restore equilibrium, in time and its ability to rejuvenate life back to a better place than we are experiencing now!

*Meditation is an important aspect that will allow you to change a great deal in your life. To benefit from the effects fully a programme of learning and guidance linked to your mediation is more likely to create the results desired. Like all powerful things we acquire in life, this is not simple to achieve and will require time, commitment, regular practice, and an open mind, which allows you to believe that this is possible. A degree of faith in yourself and the greater powers that exist in this world are there for all to enjoy freely. A path used by many, and that many more will follow. 

The following two tabs change content below.
Born in London, England and a life long journey incorporating two marriages and a long relationship that eventually brought me to France. My two children and all of my family are fine with my choice to finally be the person I have always been. I am a creative, artistic soul who loves good food,cooking and real friends. Will I ever fall in love, will someone fall in love with me and does it matter? I have the love of my family and some very good friends in my life

Latest posts by SophieFR (see all)

4 1 vote
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Becky Garcia
Becky Garcia (@beckylynn)
19 days ago

I am feeling more confident everyday thanks everyone love becky

Becky Garcia
Becky Garcia (@beckylynn)
19 days ago

This is the hardest thing I have ever done its painful but I can feel its the right path for me love beckyy

Carly Holloway
Carly Holloway (@carlyellen)
21 days ago

I think that many of us face events that force us to re-evaluate our lives, purpose, and sense of self. I am definitely one of those. This is an overwhelming, and often frightening position to be in…questioning my place in this great world. It is easy to succumb to the confusion, uncertainties, self doubt and, yes, self denial to timidly accept our pain and dis-ease alone. It seems impossible to believe that these events can lead to beautiful outcomes. I whole heartedly agree that we can find those beauties when we choose to work hard enough to discover them. Please… Read more »

©2020 Transgender Heaven | Privacy | Terms of Service | Contact Vanessa | Affiliate

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Transgender Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

If you don't see the captcha above please disable ad and tracking blockers and reload the page.