Bringing your S/O along for the ride

I would leave articles open regarding transgender and any mail with LGBTQ in plain site for my wife to see. She would ask about these things and I would explain I am trying to find my place in the gender spectrum. She knew I was not totally a cis male. As we discussed this topic I would share my real interests little by little. I didn't want to overwhelm her with such a major change in her life.                                                                                                                        The key in my situation was to respect my wife and give her time to accept my goals. Also, I would slowly grow into my interest at a pace she could accept. I do need to share however, my wife feels somewhat abandoned and alone. I try to comfort her and explain that I am only living as the person I truly am and that I will always be there for her. She tells me she needs a man in her life to love her as a man. We take this one day by day.                                    Good luck and try to be open and honest with her.

Charissa

Thanks Charissa x

Hi Seraphina,

Thanks for your post.

To answer the second (and easier) part first: Yes, dysphoria has incerased since coming out and the more people  I come out to, the more it increases. Whether this is a natural phenomenon or due to increased confidence because the reactions so far have been less severe than anticipated, I cannot say.

On the more complex issue of your SO I can speak from personal experience that a supportive (and even encouraging) SO when you are ONLY a CD does not automatically, nor even necessarily, evolve into a supportive SO once transition is on the table.

Small gradual steps, include her in each, encourage her to express her opinion and monitor any changes in her support. Something that is often overlooked when it comes to SOs is that "accepting" is not the same as "supportive".

I wish you luck and happiness wherever your journey takes you.

Hugs,

Maxine

Thanks Maxine xx

Hi, I can't really speak to the SO issue as my wife and I were separated at the time of my coming out.  However, we are still very good friends and she is understanding and helping me along as I go.

As for the dysphoria, I definitely feel it more as I've come out as transgender and started HRT.  It has gotten worse due to this pandemic and the fact that spas are closed.  I can't get rid of the body hair fast enough.  I haven't been able to wax or laser the hair since this started and it is growing back longer each day.  They finally opened the spas and I made an appointment to get it all cleaned up and then I had to cancel because I have to go for cancer surgery (prostate) and they will not let you thread, wax or shave any body parts due to the possibility of infection.  I was going to but the doctor said they could send me home and not do the operation until later when it needs to get done now.  I swear I am going to be the hairiest woman by the time I can actually do something about it.

Maxine, you are correct. My wife is accepting of my crossdressing. She is not real supportive & definitely not encouraging. We have discussed transition. She says she would leave me. Like Charissa says, my wife married a man & that's what she wants. And even when I dress, she feels "alone & abandoned" because I am the "other woman", stealing time with her husband. She wants me to drop her off if I'm going to take that ride.

Dawn

I recently came out to my best friend as Gender Fluid. They both knew that I cross dressed in the past. After my initial revelation I was able to face up to being trans. This is no great mystery to me. It’s just that I’m now at a place where I can accept it. It’s like watching a large wave approaching and I’m swimming toward it. I’ve made the call to start therapy. I want to begin HRT. I feel so calm about this.