The number of things I never considered before transitioning has become quite a long list.
The last of member of my family that I ever gave a damn about died seven years ago, my grandmother, the woman who raised me. (She and the rest of my family did not know about me being trans but that is nether here nor there just a bit of back gowned because I ramble.)
I cleaned out her house put a lot of things in storage. Now seven years later I bought a new house and have moved in and in the move I came across all of the boxes. I have been going through them my workshop/studio has been a mess. I am now down to two boxes, they both are very large boxes of photos. I am at a loss the thought of even going through them gives me the rumbly tummy, and the icky feels of anxiety. I just recently got commutable with seeing myself in a mirror, and the thought of sorting these photos kills me because the old me the fake me will be in them.
What should I do? To be honest the temptation of taking the boxes out back and setting them on fire is there.
@necrospecter I think it would be helpful to remind yourself that whatever you find was “then” and has little to no bearing on where you are now. You could also think of it in terms of how far you have come and how much you have grown.
@flatlander48 first let me say I am overjoyed to see you are still around here. I do know and understand that me then has lead me to be the me that is now, and it does in fact have bearing, in the since that if that would not have been then this may not have been the outcome. Yes it brings me pain to think about my childhood to think about all the time hiding and in many ways I hate that old me, yet at the same time with out it would I have lived? Would I eventually have had the courage to set myself free?
At the same time am I strong enough to see those days, and be thankful for the days I have now? Can I proudly scream it will be okay and it was all worth it. Maybe this makes no seance maybe I am just overthinking like I normally do. Or I am looking for more meaning than I should.
@necrospecter I think the thing to always remember is that we can’t change the past and we can’t fix it. What we can do is take what we learned and let it inform the future. If we don’t learn from difficult times, then we took those hits for nothing.
@flatlander48 I think in my rambling trying to get all this out of my yead my point was buried. I am trying to figure out what to do with the photos after I work up the courage to sort them.
@necrospecter Perhaps that is a question best left until after you see the photos.
