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Deciding whether to transition without being passable

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Posts: 1840
Ambassador
(@flatlander48)
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 5 years ago

Being proactive demonstrates your commitment to doing what you need to do. Equally as important, I think, is that you get to tell your story, your way...

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Posts: 160
Member
(@charlenev)
Reputable Member     United States of America, Illinois, near Chicago
Joined: 4 years ago

I am not sure that I should comment in this post. I am 5'8" and have dropped my weight to 170. I have no curves now and my face is that thin old man face (I am 66). However I can see me in the mirror when I put on only my lipstick. I have no doubt that with practice and growing self confidence that I could pass as the woman that I know myself to be. Albeit at my age I understand that presenting age appropriately means sporting more of the grandmotherly image. And I am OK with that. In fact it excites me.

Why then am I posting here on a question about transitioning and being passable? Because I question transitioning and fitting in socially. I am a very active church member in a very conservative church. I seriously doubt there would be any acceptance into any of the lady's groups or ministries for me. Socially I would lose everything that I have built my male life around. So I grit my teeth and resist transitioning, growing older and more grandmotherly every day, while finding resistance waning.

Obviously transitioning to ones authentic self is a seismatic life impacting decision. Whether it is physical size or social / familial relationships, something will be there to overcome in your journey.

Strong confident women overcome, be they cis or trans. And I suspect strong and confident don't just happen. Such character develops in the journey.

Keep journeying. In the future you will know what's right and therefore possible for you, even if passable is not.

Blessings,

Charlene

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Posts: 20
Member
(@cdts4life)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Pennsylvania, Waynesboro
Joined: 3 years ago

Same situation here, deep voice, 6'8" and will never be seen as female.

I'm on hormones many years and have only small breasts to show, there has been no other overt feminine changes to my body, voice, persona, whatever.

I am forced to accept this as my reality and will continue, even as far as GCS eventually. I will live outwardly as male, but be female in my person regardless.

The HR girl was floored a few weeks ago when i approached her to get my gender marker changed for insurance. but she said there is another like myself on staff as well.

Be the you, you can be. world be damned., best of luck in all your endeavors, both wanted and vicissitudes

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Posts: 187
(@alexl)
Reputable Member     United Kingdom, Wiltshire, Marlborough
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Lufia
I have total sympathy...but I have to say height is not a block to being 'passable' I'm a straight 6' (was 6' 2" for most of my life) And it isn't the deciding factor (or weight) I was stood in the Chemists the other day (drug store) and this redhead bombshell walked in. She had to be 6' 4" and cis as far as I could tell. My knees almost buckled at her femininity. Her height even added to it. Being tall/heavy, you will never be average or blend in but that's not everything.
Marlene Dietrich had a deep gravelly voice and she was all woman.
In my view being passable is in your own head and the way you carry yourself. If you believe you are all woman, so will others. Work it...live it...own it.

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