I have many fears I’m scared of bees, wasps, centipedes, those are rational they can sting and or bite you. I’m scared at the thought of an asteroid crashing into the earth ending life. That’s more of an existential fear I know it could happen but it’s unlikely in the near future. None of those keep me up at night though or make me dread my existence. No what does that is the fear I won’t reach my transition goals and will never be looked at as a woman. That as shallow and or selfish as it sounds is my biggest fear.
I know it takes time and is not an overnight thing. I also recognize I am extremely overly critical of myself and some things I may focus on that causes me huge dysphoria may not be as obvious to others. Out of everything though that I hope to accomplish in my transition self acceptance and love are the biggest and most important and I fear that if I fall short of my goals that I will never have that.
Hi Daphne,
I do not know how old you are. But I have the same fears. I started transitioning 6 months ago with HRT at 65 and I am now 66. I know it takes time, but how much I have is an unknown. Ironically, I have been diagnosed with one of the most male of cancers: prostate. Apparently I also have a pre-cancerous growth in my colon.
Hi, Daphne. Fortunately, we have TGH where we can share our fears and help each other get over them.
I’m terrified about transitioning yet it’s my dream too. I don’t know if I can give up everything to be who I really am. I understand how you feel so much. I think if you have enough money you can become completely passable by surgery I’m conflicted because my male self runs a successful business that my female self could do as well but the acceptance wouldn’t happen for too many
Daphne,
There is nothing shallow about wanting to become and be seen as the woman you were meant to be. Be strong, be confident and love yourself for the woman you are inside and for the woman you will become on the outside. Anne
