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Hiding Breast Growth at Work

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Posts: 1803
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(@flatlander48)
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 5 years ago

Fortunately our situations are/were very different from what many trans people face. You can pick up and leave if need be. When I came out, I was 3 1/2 months from retiring so there was no downside for me.

My public coming out was in front of ~130 people when I volunteered to be the Mistress of Ceremonies for an open to the public entertainment event put on by my LGBT employee affinity group. The audience included some co-workers. Beforehand I had The Conversation with my daughter and son (both grown and living in other states), 7-8 close friends and my then department manager. What I did suited me, but I would not recommend this to anyone else. I guess my thinking was that coming out is a non-trivial event and should be treated as such. BUT, and it is a Major But, many would be very uncomfortable with what I did. Therefore, we all have to figure out the path that we can live with and actually carry out. We owe that to ourselves...

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Posts: 137
(@alexl)
Estimable Member     United Kingdom, Wiltshire, Marlborough
Joined: 3 years ago

The poll surprised me Emily...hide them? I'll never hide them. Of all the physical changes my puppies (yes I know lol) are my pride and joy, they ache and often itch most of the time...and I love it. Still growing and A+ after 6months. I'm fully out and always a woman so I guess that is a luxury I can afford. The No1 gender signal I guess and one that builds my self confidence the most...if a bit of a leap into the unknown in the early days. At what point will you admit it? Perhaps better to come clean now than let the behind your back gossip build. Perhaps I am just a bold woman, be yourself and grow as you will...you can't hide it for long anyway.
Waiting for those hips to get going now.

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Posts: 137
(@alexl)
Estimable Member     United Kingdom, Wiltshire, Marlborough
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Emily
It is so cruel, I understand I hope. The UK is far more tolerant, well where I am anyway. It's great you get to share your boobs with your friends, I hope they give you nice compliments too, that is so reassuring. Wrong thread to say more lol. A camisole and loose jumper works, and you don't swing about when you lean over a desk, that's embarrassing.

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Posts: 718
(@cloe-anne-webb)
Honorable Member     United States of America, Virginia, Fairfax
Joined: 6 years ago

Sadly, that is a very real possibility.Β  I was a manager of an IT team and things managed to go sideways despite best efforts.Β  People who decide to leave can be quite vindictive on their way out the door and your own superior is just looking to see that team cohesion is intact.

 

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Posts: 1803
Ambassador
(@flatlander48)
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 5 years ago

I agree that there are laws and company policies that work to prevent untoward things from happening in the workplace. In theory this is correct, however the reality is that people can be VERY disruptive in very subtle ways. It is very difficult to prevent or penalize that. I think things need to reach a certain point before you can say that a given event becomes actionable. If something can be plausibly explained such that it isn't necessarily discriminatory, you can't make a case. Internal policies don't often require that level of proof, but it's a fine line when you have to take the cohesiveness and morale of an organization into consideration. This increases in significance if there is a risk of losing a part of the workforce.

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Posts: 111
Managing Ambassador
Topic starter
(@emilyalt)
Estimable Member     United States of America, California, North County San Diego
Joined: 5 years ago

I agree. It's maddening that some people are so entrenched in their beliefs that they would ruin someone's career before they would try to learn about someone that's different. I'm one of the lucky ones. I can bail with little consequence.

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Posts: 111
Managing Ambassador
Topic starter
(@emilyalt)
Estimable Member     United States of America, California, North County San Diego
Joined: 5 years ago

Southern California in general is pretty tolerant. I've never had a problem anywhere I've gone. Some communities are outright welcoming toward trans people. But it's not hard to find people and places that ostracize us - even in California. Unfortunately, the place I work is one of them.

Appreciate the wardrobe recommendation. I was thinking a camisole was a good option. I hadn't thought about swinging boobs and the resulting faux pas. Not a display I want to make, but something I'll secretly love.

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Posts: 1803
Ambassador
(@flatlander48)
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 5 years ago

Many of the responses here seem to be driven by personal perspective. While we all have our own thoughts about Emily's situation, I suggest focusing on her original question. That is the reason for this thread...

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