my transition was in front of god and everyone,as I did it at work,because work insurance covered SRS. I got some hostile reactions from friends and others that my therapist explained was because to them I was killing their friend and fellow worker. I hope you do not get that reaction,but understand why they react that way,it threw me when it happened to me. hoping you have a good therapist to guide you in transition.
of course there is also the homophobic and transphobic reactions,those can be scary.
if you are beginning transition,fell free to ask me anything,it can become a very lonely place to be.
In case you run into what I did,I was gotten rid of from work by putting me on workers comp for 2 years,I f I had had a good lawyer a better way would have been filing a discrimination suit,my depression hindered my thinking.
the cause of why I was let go was clear cut it was about 6 months after my surgery when I went back to work,and there was a very hostile environment there.
it would have been better if I had sued, but they kind of bought me off with the workers comp ploy,remember this was in San Francisco. prior to my transition a black gay worker was let go for getting an eyebrow piercing,and he ended up settling for about 800 thousand because of discrimination being a factor,the company settled out of court.
I think if it were not for the depression,I could have just pushed the suit.
do not let anyone try to scare you into settling for less.
for people considering transition find a good therapist to help you through the process, you have to do that anyway to gain access to the surgery by the the guidelines you must follow. BTW my therapist was one of the ones that laid down the guidelines I was lucky to have found her lynn fraser
Hi Christina,
How did you get through all of that hostility and losing family and friends? Therapy and medications can only do so much. I have not begun transition yet because my wife has mentioned that I am killing the man she married. I am trying to not lose her but I fear this is a losing battle. Right now I am just dressing as who I am at home and have not come out to the world and today she was adamant that she is uncomfortable with my dressing at home too. I came out to her back in June and it seemed she was accepting and supporting. But I guess she has been working through the whole losing her husband thing. So if I do decide to transition I know I will lose family. My brothers possibly and family from my ex wife, her sisters family, whom I have been close to since 1990 and just recently reconnected with after 8 years. My son and daughter may not be keen to the idea so I would possibly lose my grandchildren too. Friends from back home may not understand either and these are the people that I grew up with and graduated from high school with in Washington state. That is a lot of people that I could lose besides my wife and her children. I know there is no silver bullet and either I get on with it or not. Thanks for listening sis and any advice is welcome. Love ❤️
Danielle 💋👠
sorry you have run into this,but your story is not uncommon.
it is not an easy road kiddo,buckle up,bumpy road ahead
I came out full force myself. I lost all my friends, wait, sorry I never really had friends that came by or called me so I will rephrase this. I lost about 50 facebook friends. about 5 of them were family members and only 1 of them has not re-friended me yet and its my step sister, who I happen to look very similar to now. I wanted to transition at my previous job but some things happened which I will explain later. I did tell my immediate coworkers about it and that I was going through our HR team to make it official. But then, all but the senior person was let go due to a post merger IT duplicate positions no longer needed. That came 2 months after me asking HR about coming out in the workplace which they where all for as we had an attorney that was a M-F trans gal. That aside, after getting dismissed from that job, I have not been in male clothes since that day. I don't own male clothes and I started a new job back in October 2018, as Jasmine. Since I work in a help desk role, I am constantly miss gendered on the phone. I have not had any negative feedback from inhouse employees nor have I been made to feel uncomfortable either. Other than my own self-consciousness. I have been very fortunate with my transition within the workplace. As I stated before, I really have had no friends in the past but since transitioning, I have found an entire community of friends through my Doctors office and here at TGH/CDH. My Doctors office hosts a number of transgender community events each month that get us all connected and out of our own heads speaking with like minded people. This place gives me a chance to tell my positive and negative stories. Yes, many bad things happened to me this year, not many of them were transgender related and many good/great things have happened to me this year, most of them being transgender related. I try to remain positive through all life's situations but sometimes a person needs another person to share the negatives with. I have yet to find a friendly person to speak to but will be starting therapy soon. I do not feel comfortable talking to my wife about those feelings because, tbh, most of those feeling are about things she does and/or does not do that I wish she would or wouldn't do anymore. Plus, when I try to talk to her, she over talks me and says I know, I know. Oh you do, do you. errrrggggg frustrating and not helpful. I am trying to find a friend to share good and bad with. Maybe someday that person may appear or maybe I am just to shy in person to reach out. Who knows. I used to have social anxiety, now, I cannot wait to go to a social events. And now I notice I am rambling. instead of deleting it, you all will understand. LOL. TTYL
Jasmine
Wow, not looking forward to that, but I have to make this journey. I can never be who I used to be, I just can’t. It’s not me.
That’s really strong, Jasmine, about being misgendered a lot on the job doesn’t bother you! Did I read that right? For me being misgendered bothers me so much I’ve chosen to work independently. Did it ever bother you? If so how did you get past it?
