Hi ladies and gentlemen,
I have said ‘no’ to being a girl before when the doctor asked me if I was one... and now I have another appointment for November 1st.
Y’know, it was really hard leaving the office that time when I said ‘no’, because immediately after I left the office I thought about everything I wasn’t wearing. I thought about the body I wouldn’t have, the breasts, the face.
Lately, I’ve been trying to create some new pseudonym through being a rapper in my spare time so I can stay in male mode. But I don’t like doing that, because, then I’m not reading, then I’m not listening to the radio, and then I’m not practicing my makeup or cooking etc. Because I like doing those things; rapping is just this vice I’m using to keep denying my identity.
I guess I just need some advice: what on earth should I do? I feel scared more so now than ever when I go (back) into society dressed as a girl, with makeup on, than I did when I was dressed the first time. I’m afraid of the looks, the staring, the harassment - and little to no male interaction when I’m out and about.
It all seems so... what’s the word I’m looking for... fruitless? Unyielding? It doesn’t make sense to go through with the transition when my family hates me for it, when my great grandma hates me for it, when my best friend hates me for it, when I remain unemployed, and when my prospects for being anything other than a decent-looking sex object looks grim.
Welcome to TGH Kaylee. Sweetie....all the things you think are going to happen....seldom do. Take a deep breath and sit back. It sounds like you are serious about being femme. Check out crossdresserheaven, our sister site as well as TGH. All our girls love to assist a new girl who is confused and struggling to decide what to do. Feel free to ask any of us for help. My door is always open.....do come in and chat with me about your concerns and worries....I can help you get past those hurdles. I look forward to chatting with you and helping you with your worries.
Hugs......
Dame Veronica
Hi Kaylee, it's good to see you again. You need to set the baggage down for a little while. It will still be there, but you need to be free to dig deep and figure out what is going to make you happy at your core....who are you? Kaylee the rapper is as valid an answer as any other, but what ever you find it has to be your answer and not the one others try to tell you. These are heavy subjects and we're here to listen, laugh and cry with you as you go through your self discovery.
But most of all pace yourself. Set reasonable daily and weekly goals for what you want to read or to do or practice. Take care to leave space for the unexpected so you don't get overwhelmed. I sense that you are on a bit of overload and the stress alone from that needs to be managed. I do some yoga to help me when I get overloaded, but there are other ways too, just pay attention to your body and what it's telling you. Getting to know yourself is what is at stake here and doing it in a wholistic way will help you on your lifes journey whichever way you go.
We've known each other for a while and you know you can always reach out to me here Kaylee, but I think you need that dr or counselor too and a support structure. Local resources such as peer or support groups and friends will help you on those days when its so hard to manage. Just know we love ya hun and are here to provide support as best we can in the virtual space.
Hugs, Cloe
Hi Kaylee,
Just to clarify a point here - “I left the office I thought about everything I wasn’t wearing. I thought about the body I wouldn’t have, the breasts, the face.“
Now if I read this correctly what I hear you telling us is the fact that you realized you made a mistake saying NO! Well I think at that time you knew what you wanted but you just did not go through with verbalizing what you know and feel inside. Everyone can give you advice but in the end you still are the one to make the decision and verbalize it. Until November 1st just be yourself, think of yourself, look like yourself, and you will feel like yourself and will be able to verbalize your truth. You stated it when you left the doctors office and you still feel that way. Be yourself and live your truth! Be strong sister and know we are here for you. Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗
Danielle💋👠
