What Order to Transition In?

Hi Nicki!

I can't stop thinking about it either. Kinda consumes a lot of my day every day!

My wife seems okay with it all, so long as my appearance is more cosmetic as opposed to surgical. However, I am on HRT and it's done wonders for my curves and breast development!

All the best!

Barb :B

Well, what is it that bothers you the most? And how long do you want to be "in transition"? A lot of things can be done at the same time. Some things take a long time (several years for all of the changes from HRT to complete, an estimated 200-500 hours of electrolysis to clear the face of hair, etc). My electrologist says that HRT will help with the electrolysis outcome. For me it was hair, both body and face, that was my #1 item to address. The next thing was about #253 by comparison. I _HAD_ to get rid of it. Laser on the body and face, and now traditional electrolysis on the face (for the white/grey/clear ones left by laser). I also started HRT, and that seems to have helped with the electrolysis effectiveness. It also made wonderful changes in my skin. And my brain - brain fog went away, colors and textures were more vibrant, etc. Of course, HRT is going to possibly give you other changes (being hairless won't be noticed by anyone...breasts and hips are a different matter, and that doesn't address possible changes in intimacy options...).

Surgery (or even HRT or electrolysis) are never requirements. Being _you_ is what counts. And that is something that you need to figure out for yourself. With whatever help you might want, or not.

And then there is the issue of making changes without your partner's consultation. At least in my view, your partner needs to be part of every decision that could have any effect on the partnership. At least that is how my late wife and I worked. From the very start (she was told all about everything I knew and did within the first two months of us seeing each other in 1980). And it worked very well. YMMV.

Hi Nicki,

I've heard that if one plans to do anything about facial hair, that is one of the best places to start. The reason is because if electrolysis is needed there has to be enough length of hair to grab onto it with the tool. So if one waits until well into the transition process, they'd have a lot of facial hair showing when they'd rather not have it at all.

Second would be voice therapy since it take many months of work to effect lasting changes. Unfortunately, neither of these are usually covered on insurance plans, so we tend to delay them in favor of other things that are less out-of-pocket.

Hugs,

Brie

How far do you really want to go?  And you need to ask yourself why you would want to go the whole route, as Evelyn Jaye points out in her comment: "Surgery (or even HRT or electrolysis) are never requirements. Being _you_ is what counts. And that is something that you need to figure out for yourself." I had open heart surgery last summer, and during my recovery from that, was when I knew I needed to accept that I was a transgender woman and needed to transition. But, and it's a big 'but', because of the surgery and the meds I will be taking for the rest of my life, HRT is out of the question, as is further surgery.

So I have made what is referred to as a 'social transition.' I am now living as a woman full time, 24/7 365 days a year. I came out at work and also transitioned there, I present as a woman at work every day, they all view me as a trans woman, she, her, and call me by my new name, Lauren. So for me, being ME was important and it is what counts! I am happy and contented with how I have transitioned and how I am living as a trans woman.

hugs,

Lauren M

Hi Nicki,

Everyone here has given you excellent advice.  I'm a little late to the reply but just will add this from personal experience as an intersex person.  First if people that you love aren't onboard, you put your relationship at great risk.  Really think about it because everyone close to you will be caught up and be transitioning with you whether they like it or not.  Next, any surgery is no walk in the park and there is no undo button.  It is costly, very time consuming and possibly will not produce the results that you imagined.  Another thing to be aware of is that you may not be ready or welcome the results of transition (like great, I need to spend and extra 1/2 hour on my hair and before I just walked out the door or I just want to sit at the bar for a quiet drink and watch the game but now I've got strange men sitting right next to me and trying to make conversation I wonder if they are going to follow me to my car? etc  or will those stiff little white whiskers ever stop popping up? I thought we zapped them all).

So, if you proceed, I suggest taking the simplest steps possible like the social transition that Lauren mentioned and begin to develop your wardrobe.  If that works out and things are going well then you can begin slowly with the mechanics and start getting rid of your wigs and grow and style your real hair (it takes about 2 years).  You can also then think about your beard removal (2 to 6 years of weekly visits and 3 to 10 K and you may need to get a part time job to support all this).   Further along with all this you may look into facial and neck surgery at 6 to 36 K.  Finally if it suits you, you may change your documents and get breast and/or bottom surgery.  Then hopefully you are still happy and have your loved ones around you yet.  Proceed slowly, thoughtfully and cautiously  if you wish for the best results.  The people here at TGH and CDH are most knowledgeable and kind  and will always help you.  I wish you the very best in your journey,

Marg

Well, well, well, look who's here!

Ladies, gentlemen and all nice folx in-between, A ROCK STAR has returned!

Yes, I am very lucky! We seem to have a role-reversal thing going and it's all good!

Smiles back at ya, my lovely Sunshine! 🙂

Hi, Nicki,

I'm with Lauren Mugnala on this one.  For me, the primary issue is that I'm living completely as a woman.

I live in Washington State, which may very well be the most trans-friendly state in the country.   WA does not require medical documentation to change my name and gender; the only requirement is that I sign a legally binding document that I'm not doing so for any illegal purpose, or to avoid creditors. My name and gender have also been changed for Social Security.  The only thing left to do is to legally change my New York State birth certificate, since I was born there.

Living as a woman has been fantastic!  Except for an "add two cup sizes" bra, I don't use any enhancements.  Except for the bulge between my legs, I'm a girl from head to toe!

That said, my situation is completely different than yours.  I'm long since divorced, and retired.  I have no kids.  Accordingly, I hesitate to give advice.

I will comment about electrolysis.  It's painful and expensive, and sometimes causes swelling. Removing a beard seemingly takes forever.  In fact, despite many treatments, I still have some beard hair.  Many cis women have this problem as well, so I don't feel any less girly.  (Of course, a gray beard is also much easier to cover. :))

Voice training, at least for me, has taken a long time, although I now talk in a convincing female voice.  Learning female mannerisms, and ;earning to talk in "girl speak" has also taken some time.

At my age, I have no desire for HRT (It's much less effective on an older woman) or GRS (I can't afford it).  Exercising in a bra has apparently trained my breasts such that I don't need anything more than a padded bra.

Well, there's my two cents worth; hopefully it was helpful. 🙂