Afterwards and Afte...
 
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Afterwards and Afterthoughts

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Posts: 219
Silver
(@charee)
Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Joined: 6 years ago

My Dear Sabrina, I too roll the big 60 this year, hard to believe because I feel sooo much younger in this body.

I too have the experience of Dementia n Cancer, Mom, Altimeters, Da; both parents gone now.

I told my folks about Char before they passed, Mom was not so pleased, Dad, the Military guy, was tickled. If you're wearing jeans we'll go fishin' he said, and if you're wearin a dress, we'll go shoppin hahaha What a guy!

I found out from a family member after both parents had passed, that Dad and at least one of my uncles also dressed as much as they could and in absolute secrecy since in those days it was still very much illegal here.

I dress full time now and have found my groove and look so to speak. I have surrounded myself with many, many people who are completely supportive, kind and accepting of me. Char has always been trying to emerge from within the confines of my programmed beliefs.
I have an amazing wife who also is completely supportive; even though she misses Charley now and then, she encourages me and directs me each step of the way on this journey; I am eternally grateful to have her beside me on this adventure.

The folks here are also like family to me and for each of you reading this, and for all you do Brina, I have the utmost respect and gratitude!

Thank you (all) for making this space a home.

Namaste'
n huggles beautiful souls
Char

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2 Replies
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     United States of America, Iowa
Posts: 268

Sorry about your parents. Thank you for all you do on this site and CDH as well. I'm happy for you and your wife being able to find that common ground. I'm still hopeful that I may find mine someday, but the next couple of years won't be putting me at the forefront, and that's ok. I've never shared with my parents and don't see that happening unless it happens by accident. If only there were the technology of today back in the 70's for us, what a difference it would have made in my life...

Thanks for sharing!

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Silver
(@charee)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Posts: 219

No kidding hey? The computer era has opened doors for so much expansion of the human mind and potential...I'm grateful it's happening now though.

I wish I had had more time to help Mom expand and more time to share with my dad; he truly was an amazing guy so all in all, I am grateful that I got to spend the time I did with both 😉 and yeah, Blessy is pretty amazing really; I am inspired and grateful daily being in her presence. She is the closest thing to God I know in this life; forgiving, compassionate, accepting and supportive she shows me what love does every day; I think I'm learning hahahaha

Create a magical day Brina, you are worthy of that Hon.
namaste'
n biiiig ole huggles from the great white north haha we got more snow today haha
Char

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Posts: 3
Member
(@sarahxxsis)
New Member     United States of America, New Jersey, Pine Beach
Joined: 4 years ago

Sabrina, Thank you for sharing about your life, which sounds exactly like mine, the only difference is I knew at age 3, been married 3 times, first ended because of this and alcohol, 2nd because of my transgenderism. My present wife of 20 years knows about me, knew when we married but dosen't really like it, but deals and I dress unisex and i am really not into being flashy, so I'm very conservative. I also through the years purchased alot female clothing, and when I thought what I was doing was wrong and shameful I would take all the clothing and give it to the Goodwill or Salvation Army . I have been on and off of HRT through the years since the 80's, and in 1999 had a breast reduction, which now I regret doing but it was right at the time. I just turned 70 and have been on HRT now again for 6 months, I may never go full time but at least I can finally accept me, yes all those years i was always trying to fix me, when all I had to do was accept Sarah. I am also sober now, which helps me with acceptance. Again Thank You.

Hugs, Sarah

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     United States of America, Iowa
Posts: 268

Sarah,

Thank you for sharing  😅  There seems to be a movement these days on writing a letter to your older self and what you would have wanted to tell your younger self, either way. I've come across a few and most of the older to younger tell themselves to not sweat the little things and to be happy being yourself. The amount of support and information available today compared to the 70's when I was in high school is amazing. Back then, we were freaks that needed fixing... I would tell my younger self to be less afraid and to never throw away a good pair of shoes (eventually they could be worth a small fortune on eBay...lol) Have a great weekend!

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Posts: 15
Member
(@rosi)
Active Member     United States of America, Maine
Joined: 4 years ago

Sabrina thank you again . I also belong to crossdresser heaven and I just joined transgender heaven .I was not sure if I belonged here but I am sure I do . I am also sixty and parents are still alive and I have been coming out slowly to safe friends and family . My parents knew when I was young I wanted to be a girl but they kept at me like a bad habit . My father called me names like little queer man and a few other good ones. Any ways I figured at there age now they don't need to know about there sissy son. I started coming out around seven years ago and a lot more people know than I have told . Because when you let someone in most times they need to talk with someone about it . Every time I let someone know about the real me I feel a little more free and I am supper proud of who I am . I love getting out and being seen . Every year I go a little further with my transition . Every now and than shame and quilt will work on me . I tell myself your not wrong it is right . Life is short and I don't want to lose the time I have to feel right . Bobbi

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     United States of America, Iowa
Posts: 268

All so very true! I'm excited for you. I think you said it very well. We all have to find our own way to live OUR lives. There isn't a playbook to follow and there isn't a trophy at the end, only inner peace and hopefully many others around us who support and love us. Thanks for the insightful response. You should consider sharing your story in an article 🙂

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Posts: 32
(@jaiymelynne)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Nevada, Las Vegas
Joined: 6 years ago

Sabrina,
Thank you for sharing. Your story is my story. Well partly anyway. The purging. the dichotomy of identity, male and female. Taking care of an elderly parent, now bed bound, who I could not bare, at least now, to open up to about JaiymeLynne. I care for him and cherish the time I still have. But my truth won't go away. It will be out someday. I am so grateful for you and everyone here on TGH and CDH. This is a difficult journey, full of ups and downs, grief and joy. Live we must. Thrive; I will endeavor too. Laugh and love too...
Peace and Love,
JaiymeLynne

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     United States of America, Iowa
Posts: 268

JaiymeLynee,

Wonderful comments. "My Truth Won't Go Away" could easily be a mantra for so many of us to follow. It is versatile as it fits in not only our realm but others, too. It says it all; how we run from it, try to hide it, destroy it and ourselves in the process, and come to accept it as an integral part of us, to maybe one day living in wholly.

Thanks again 🙂

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Posts: 1
(@Ivan Richards)
New Member
Joined: 4 years ago

I think you look gorgeous,. Be proud. Would like to meet you to chat
Ivan

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Posts: 21
Member
(@hosecat7)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Florida, Tarpon Springs
Joined: 5 years ago

I was my mother's caretaker for 8 yrs. She was my only concern. I did cross dressing around the house when she would go to sleep.Before she went in a nursing home.I suppressed everything completely, guess was living a lie. When she died I went totally into transition. I got a therapist ,to straighten out my feelings.Weighing was I a CD or Trans ?After months of talks it was determined that I was trans. I'm 65,late bloomer.I dress for the most part at home.Come home from work and actually do slip into something comfortable. At night I'm totally Cindy. I Don't really know how far I will take this. My grandchildren call me Papa. I like that but I do enjoy dressing and feeling girlish. I don't feel any pressure or maybe I'm just a good actor.Male Manager by day,woman by night. I find it easy to go between both worlds.With covid,wearing a mask,I even ventured out a few times. I am actually going to start voice lessons. I guess I want to keep moving forward. Will this ever go back to normal.All I know is it sure is more fun buying woman's clothes. I now own more then I do men's clothes. Love the heels and just feeling special. I don't know if our paths will ever cross but one never knows.I love writing poetry and inspiration is my catalyst. This has opened up my mind and feelings again. Thanks for writing such a wonderful story.It gives all" US " girls hope.We are,indeed, not alone.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     United States of America, Iowa
Posts: 268

Thanks for sharing, Cindy  😀  I can totally relate to what you described. I sometimes wish that I had that intense need to move forward, but I don't mind living in both worlds, and that may be my ultimate path. I've always said that if I could move to where they don't know me, I would live as twins...have a two cardboard cutouts handy to put in the window for nosy neighbors...lol. I see myself moving further along the path of transition once my parents are both gone. I just don't know how far I'll end up walking that path...

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Posts: 53
Chat Crew
(@marianne65)
Trusted Member     Sweden, Sweden
Joined: 7 years ago

Dear Brina,
This life we try to navigate is so easy and so hard, so simple yet utterly complex, so lovely and so awfully frustrating. We met on CDH some years ago and got a bit of connection but then it faded away as it so often does for me.

I know you are not much for chit chat but if you some time feel need to talk heart to heart with someone, you know where to find me.

MarianneTornander

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     United States of America, Iowa
Posts: 268

Thanks Marianne!

I'm not sure if there is anything else in life that renders itself into polar opposites of feelings such as you described in living our lives. It is as simple as "living your truth" to borrow the phrase and as complex as "Yeah, right...ain't going to happen." Somewhere there is a resting place with peace.

Not much of chit chatter, nope. I'm a hermit in a cave that dangles an occasional toe out into the sunshine...lol. I will most definitely keep your offer in mind 🙂

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Posts: 1
(@Ivan Richards)
New Member
Joined: 4 years ago

Sabrina, you wrote, "I’m not happy where I’m at, but I also feel the responsibility to continue on with my hidden life and visible life for now." This vibrated a chord in my heart. Tuned perfectly. Thank you.
Too many reasons and time is too short at this moment to detail them. Suffice it to say that you encouraged me in this way; even after all your many years of dressing, searching, and questioning you are not yet sure which path is right for you to pursue. Furthermore, if I understand your plight properly it is because your sense of responsibility to others presses more weight than a pursuit of your own happiness.
I am there too. I am blessed to know I am not alone.
Thank you.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     United States of America, Iowa
Posts: 268

Charlene,

Thank you for responding. I understand how for some it's transition or possibly fall into an abyss they will never climb out of. I can also relate to those who believe they are of 2 souls. I don't hate my male parts, wish I had full breasts and no facial hair, and could walk about how I felt at the moment. Instead, I tolerate certain things, try to adapt with others, and temper what I can do over what I can't. In many cases, it's not much different than having to make other life altering situations. Do I move across the country and uproot my family for a better paying job? How do I know it will be the right choice or the wrong choice. That's how I feel. Without that certainty that it's the right choice, it's impossible not to consider more than just my feelings. I just don't know, but I also can't stop listening to my heart and mind as I still have to live for me, too.

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