At 74 I came out to my wife about a year ago and I am now in a period of arrested transition, hoping to save our 55 year marriage. No dressing, no make up, etc. I do wear lipstick and a little jewelry to my therapists office. But the inner transition continues apace; I look in the mirror at my improving complexion and longer hair, compose myself and see myself as who and what I am. My therapist, a man of very long experience with people like us assures me that once I was out, the psychological and spiritual process will go on, with only grief and pain resulting from trying to arrest it. When the day comes that it is no longer perceived as a threat to our relationship, I am hoping that Girl's nights out, game nights, special dinners and breakfasts will be the new motif. It is better to travel hopefully, which I can and am doing.
Hi Stacia. Congratulations on taking your first steps. I hope you can work things out with your wife and she can accept the changes, and if not that you can still be close friends. The longest relationship I was ever in, my marriage, lasted a little over 3 years and I honestly cannot comprehend being with the same person for 55 years. I very much admire it, but I will never understand it.
I agree with your therapist. Not only will the growth continue once you are fully out, but it will accelerate because of both the joy you will have and the peace that comes from not having to hide anything. I am curious if you have started HRT yet, since you mention seeing changes in the mirror. If not, expect a lot more changes, but understand it's a slow process. Mostly very pleasant as far as the body changes. I don't notice most of them, and since I avoided cameras like the plague for most of my life I don't have anything to compare against, but several of my friends have mentioned noticing changes in my face, and I have noticed what little belly fat I had has relocated to my butt, something I really love. My father told me over half a century ago to always expect the worse and hope for the best and you'll never be disappointed and will often be pleasantly surprised, so yes, I am always hopeful. Since I started this journey in public I have often been surprised about the support I've gotten. I've been in this area about 2 years, and still don't have any girlfriends for nights out or gaming, and I would dearly love to find some that like to dance as much as I do. However, I am in the heart of Pence country and I won't be going dancing until I can find some women to join me. Not interested in going out solo here in MAGA country.
I agree, it's always better to travel with hope. I would also add to always believe in yourself. Self doubt will cause you more harm than anything negative someone else could ever say.
Ellie, I have read this several times. And each time I keep coming back with the same one word - power. The power one has when they have that epiphany of who they are, and where they fit withing the grand scheme of life. The sheer power one has once they reach that point is immeasurable. Regardless of any other aspect in one's life, having that power is something few ever attain. A power to be cherished, and nurtured, and be honored. Hugs, Michelle
Thank you Michelle. I hadn't really thought of it in the sense of power, but it certainly is. Getting to that point where you have zero doubts about yourself and who you are gives you a sense of power that you are 100% in control of your life, and it also brings peace and contentment. No doubts, no worries, completely accepting those things you cannot change as well as granting the patience necessary to not be troubled by the fact that this is a very long trip I've started and I'm not bothered by the fact that it will take years to finish and may never be completed. I'm happy with where I am in my life and the direction I'm going. and that is a peace I've never really felt before.
