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Be Your Future or Create a Road to Self-Destruct!

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Posts: 35
Topic starter
Trusted Member     New Zealand, Otago
Joined: 4 years ago
As a transgender woman living my life, I’ve realized that finding peace within oneself, amidst all this turbulence of societal change and activism going on, is as equally important as survival. Recently, our communities have shown strength and resilience while advocating for our rights and visibility.

However, in our fervours for progress, we must acknowledge the need for balance and introspection. There’s no denying the transgender community has made significant progress in recent years. From the increased representation in the media to the legal victories for transgender rights there is much to celebrate, but yet within the small victories there has been a growing sense of concern; the feeling that our actions have veered us way off course.

As a concerned member of our transgender community, I believe it’s time for us to pause and take stock. We must reflect on the direction activism is taking us and what we believe in. While we have the passion and determination to fuel our progress, we run the risk of unintended consequences. There has been a noted increase in alienating allies and perpetuating division within our ranks.

One of the issues that concerns me deeply is the rise of what some may perceive as “hysteria” within our communities. The constant outrage and divisiveness on social media and the “cancel culture” stifling open dialogue and the tendency to vilify anyone who doesn’t agree to a rigid set of beliefs. These contribute to an atmosphere of hostility, intolerance, and segregation from those whom we need to help us find peace and the ability to live as free as we want or at least hope to.

This relentless focus on identity politics and purity tests often overlooks the diverse experiences and perspectives within our communities. Not all transgender individuals share the same beliefs or priorities, and it’s crucial we create space for respectful debate and dissent; I speak with empathy and understanding when saying this. We need to reclaim the essence of our activism and our commitment to justice, equality, and compassion for all of us, but how much is too much, and how far is far enough? This means engaging in constructive dialogue with those who may not fully understand or support us rather than resorting to anger or condemnation.

Additionally, we need to prioritise our personal self-care and mental well-being within our community. The constant barrage of negativity and aggravation can take a toll on our mental health, leading to burnout and disillusionment. It’s okay to step back and take a break when we need it, to prioritize our emotional resilience, our way of thinking, and what we wish to achieve for ourselves.

I’m not dismissing the valid concerns and struggles of the transgender community. I’d rather encourage a more nuanced and balanced approach to achieve some form of success in gaining acceptance and understanding from those living around us. By showing empathy, understanding, and self-reflection we create a more inclusive and effective approach, one that truly uplifts all transgender individuals, regardless of where they stand on the spectrum of belief and identity.

Always remember that change is a journey. It is only by walking together with open hearts and minds that we can truly make a difference. If you want to make a change, be the change. It will work. In my situation, even though I am from a different part of this world and a relatively peaceful country, I struggled but saw things happen. Changes are small; they are happening. I still struggle. Nobody is immune to our modern-day societies, let alone a gender-diverse person.

Patience is a virtue; how many of us grow impatient at the slow-paced transitioning brings? We are all guilty of these tendencies. Overthinking is the order of the day, and it becomes the root of our unhappiness and low levels of self-acceptance in our daily lives. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to self-acceptance and confidence as it relates to our transitioning journeys. We become impatient and intolerant of others when our changes aren’t smooth enough. We can’t all be Barbie-doll lookalikes but within our own existence and perception, we can be that Barbie-doll lookalike. Nobody sees who you are within but you. After all, you are who you are.

Looking at the media circus where it has turned into a real war zone for the transgender individual who just wants to be free and be who they really are. Constantly, there are arguments and actions fueled by arrogance, lack of knowledge, and understanding, (maybe deliberate, maybe not.) Whatever the reason, a media editor looking to sell a story out of desperation, what they can sell for a buck or two. Most famous excuses are based on biology and religious beliefs, manipulated to a perceived fit. This article is in no way about those two reasons or promoting activism or not. It is about our own well-being and what we do to reach our own goals. It’s about inner peace and validating our own happiness within our own existence.

We can look in a mirror and see ourselves, but to see the real us, we need to use the same mirror and look beyond the glass. The depth in the vision of the eyes is where we see the real us, and finding that real “me” is finding the authenticity of who we are. These are the things we need to find that inner peace and discover the concept of who we really are and want to be. Within yourself, you can be whatever and whoever you want to be.

Can we depend on those who claim to defend our wish to exist, or do we think our way through life as an individual on a journey that’s so near, yet so far? The goal on the horizon is within our reach, how we get to that goal is a walk no one can determine but ourselves. We are all unique in our own way and what we have is what we utilise to achieve our goals.

That started the day we were born, and on the day we entered our education journey and beyond. Will our education ever stop? No. As my late dad said, “We are never too old to learn something new.” No one gave us that knowledge to know it all. They just gave us the tools and abilities to learn for ourselves and to learn from our own mistakes. We learned to crawl, to walk, and to run, and yet, in our own transition journey. We don’t want to crawl or walk before we can run to reach our goal on that horizon. Depending on others may help but leaving it to them could be creating our future or it can create our own road to self-destruct.

I think the message is clear. Learn to accept who you are, whether you crawl, walk, or run, your destiny is what you decide. How you get to that destiny is your own decision, whether you take a hand to help guide you along the way or whether you take the journey on your own. Whether you crawl, walk, or run, they could lead you there. You decide!!

2 Replies
Posts: 115
Estimable Member     United States of America, Illinois, near Chicago
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Miss Kathy. There is much to consider in your article. I appreciate how you sum it up, "I think the message is clear. Learn to accept who you are,"
I have recognize since I was 5 yrs old that I wanted to be a girl (now woman). That was 63 years ago. Only recently have I embraced the reality that I am transgender. My long time desire to be a woman flows out of the fact that at my core I am a woman.
So now my journey goes from learning who I am to learning how to be who I am while doing my best not to hurt the many that love, appreciate, and need the man that I have been to and for them these many years.
I don't subscribe to the current prevailing mantra that I deserve to be happy, life is about happiness etc.
I understand no person is an island. My pursuit of happiness and fulfillment must be considerate of others I love and for whom I have responsibilities.
You mention patience. This approach takes much patience seeking to effectively educate others about the complexities of being trans while also developing myself as the woman I know I am.

1 Reply
Joined: 4 years ago

Trusted Member     New Zealand, Otago
Posts: 35

@charlenev Hi Charlene.

Thank you so much. Indeed you know who you are and also what works best for you. It takes patience to travel this journey indeed but you also need to believe in yourself so you grow confidence to proceed without having to worry too much about what others think etc. This journey is yours and your loved ones transition with you. How they accept you or not, is something you deal with as you see them. Do not let it create an overthinking problem for you, but keep safe and take care of you first then others. I wish you luck and well for whatever decissions you make.

Love and hugs, xxx



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