They have always intrigued me. They epitomize and enhance the female form. They are functional and necessary. They are beautiful and are to be desired. And I have always wanted them. Ever since I put on my sister's dress as a young, confused teenager and looked in the mirror at the flat area on my chest I wondered what it would be like to have real breasts.
Over the years of dressing and purging all of my clothes, the concept of being endowed with the equipment all girls get as they grow into womanhood eluded me. Stuffing my bra with tissue paper or socks would have to suffice.
Fast forward 45 years and with my discovery of Transgender Heaven, along with a good therapist and a change of circumstances in my personal life, I was able to come to live as my true self, as a transwoman. But the question was still there, could I have breasts? And so, my quest for breasts began. Questions like what will this cost? Will my insurance cover the procedure, and how big do I want them to be?
After some investigating, I learned my insurance would cover the cost. All I needed would be two letters, one from my therapist, and the other from my primary care doctor. Alright! I think I can do this!
After a referral from my clinic, I had an appointment with a plastic surgeon. Eventually, I found myself walking into the waiting room on a Monday morning. I hoped that there would not be too many people there; wrong! The place is packed. Then I hear my name called; as I get up from my seat, I cannot help but feel that every eye in the room is on me.
I am led to a small room and instructed to remove my clothes and put on a gown. I am in a teaching hospital, so then, two young ladies in white coats enter the room, "Good morning, so why are you here?" they ask. "I want breasts, breast augmentation." The nurse writes "gender dysphoria" on my chart. Next let's get some pictures, front, side, three-quarter view of my modest little breasts.
In comes the doctor, an attractive woman maybe in her mid-thirties, with long black hair and a big smile. We talk for a while; then she asks, "What size do you want?" I say I am not sure just ones that are proportional for my size and build. She explained the procedure and the possible complications, but she exuded warmth and confidence that eased my still somewhat nervous feelings.
Ok let's check out those breasts, she then palpates my breasts. Next; fill out this consent form. We need two letters to schedule the surgery; looking at several months. I eventually was able to obtain the letters, and after what seemed like an eternity, my surgery date was set!
Finally, my big day arrived. My daughter is taking me, and I reflect on how long this whole process has taken. I am just a little (a lot) nervous. Suddenly, there is a loud bang from the rear of her vehicle, and before you know it, we are on the side of the interstate with a flat tire! After all these months, I am going to miss my surgery!
Once my initial panic subsides, I am able to call my best friend Phil, and the next thing you know my knight in shining armor arrives to pick me up and get me to my surgery on time. Disclaimer here: I hated leaving my daughter behind on the side of the road, but this girl was on a mission!
At the surgery center, I sit waiting to be called for my procedure. A sweet perky nurse approaches me calling out, "Are you Toni?" We were off to pre-op. Then my surgeon appears, again with a big smile. We talked about the procedure and settled on the size of the silicone implants. She draws on my chest and outlines the positions where my new breast will appear.
I have to ask, "So you've done a few boob jobs?" She answers, "More than a few." It’s crunch time; into the OR I go. I meet my anesthesiologist. He tells me, " It's time to go to Margaritaville," and it’s night night.
I am awake and although sore with a tightness across my chest, I feel reasonably well. As I look down to where there used to be a flat prairie, I behold two majestic peaks rising up from under my sexy hospital gown. Glorious breasts! I am discharged not too long after the two-hour procedure with an ample supply of pain meds. On the way home, a little sore, but with a huge sense of relief and euphoria.
It's been several weeks, and I am getting comfortable with my new friends. They are still tender and a little sore, but they are magnificent, and I am so happy to have them. I feel validated, I feel confident, I feel beautiful on the inside and the outside. It's been a long road getting here but so worth it. Now I go everywhere with my new friends.
XOXO- Toni Floria
Outstanding Toni. Great article, and great perspective. Yep, I'm right there with you. I had an orchiectomy right out of the gate and two years afterwards had breast augmentation. And not one regret, nor ever looked back. It is part of me now; who I am, and what I will continue as. Hugs, Michelle
Hey Toni, loved your story. I have long dreamed of having breasts of my own. I live in the closet. I am married and she knows that I have struggled with my gender identity, my longing for breasts and a vagina. And my longing to live my life as a heterosexual woman. Although I offered to live with her a a lesbian, but she was not interested. At those minutes I have tried to be authentic in my private moment. I end up feeling guilty and ashamed. She has been sick for awhile and is in Charlotte with her daughter so I can work. But the longings are really strong and I tried on a dress and some lipstick I wore them for awhile but the shame and guilt overwhelmed me. Like she just texted me from the rehab where they are trying to get her strong again after being in the hospital and I feel guilty for sitting here talking to you about my desires to be female with proper feminine secondary sex characteristics.
Angela
Toni I love your story. Are you in the US and the medical covered it? That's my next step. I had gynecomastia when I was younger and the doctors forced my mom to give me meds how they would have looked today. I can't wait to start this next phase of my journey
I'm so happy for you. I was at the point of body shaping and fat augmentation of my breasts this fall. Then had a heart attack now on blood thiners for a year, so now everything is on hold. Love Stephanie
Feel the joy in your heart. So nice enjoy
Loved your article Toni must feel like you're in Heaven! For me all I have are my D gels.
I purchased four different bras before I found the right one to fit. Though I do feel harmonious. For now, I am in limbo hopefully I will get back on track and move forward. I am so happy for you!
Barbra
Great article, I know just how you feel. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to follow your example so I recently got hold of a Noogleberry system. I don't know what this will realistically do so I will be putting out a series of "dear diary" posts over the next 12 months or so with any results I get. Hopefully this will give anyone who is considering this option some information to go with.
I am happy you managed to do it properly & I hope you get the results you were after when everything settles down.
Sasha