I had equivocated for months now. I knew how harsh a trial it would be, but still. I knew that my reflection was passably beautiful, but still. I heard others express shock at my decision, lending support to what I saw, but still.
When I looked in the mirror I saw every line that was out of place. The hints of my past tugged at my mind, reminding me that no matter how far I walked I would always look back and see where I started.
During yoga class my imperfections screamed loudest. As I stretched into half moon the moving meditation became a pitched battle to silence my demons.
I guess I should've known. My inner self-critic is well practiced. In a world where a woman's body is expected to look like an airbrushed cover of a magazine, my faults were glaring beacons.
As days piled onto weeks my resolve became firm, "I would get facial feminization surgery". I knew from the little research I had done so far that FFS generally required a bevy of procedures to achieve the desired look. It wasn't sufficient to change a nose or a forehead - because a single change could leave one off balance and out of kilter.
I knew the next step would be to find a surgeon and start saving. Facial feminization surgery is not cheap, but paying top dollar for the best surgeon was a must for me. More than anything else, your face is the world's window into your soul. It's what people see every day. Without really thinking about it, it is you - what you taste, and see, and smell and hear. The very life giving breathe all depends on those tiny apparatus on your face. No, skimping on facial surgery was not in the cards for me.
And with that, my story begins. Over the next few weeks and months I will continue to share my journey through transgender surgery after transgender surgery.
I look forward to sharing this part of my transgender walk with you.
Love and blessings,
Vanessa
i look forward to hear about your trials and tribulations and wish you the best success
I too am considering the same procedure, along with others, so of course I want to hear every detail you can offer. Thanks for sharing this intimate, personal part of your life, in order to help others such as myself...Good luck and may everything go smooth and successful to your expectations....Erica
It's a pleasure dear, good luck in your investigation! Talk to many folks and make as considered a decision as you can!
Thank you for being so open and sharing this, Vanessa! I’m definitely looking at having to have FFS but I’m a long way from it. Unfortunately, my profession and fear of losing my career is making this entire process a lot longer than I want it to be. But I’m definitely looking forward to hearing and learning more. <3
You're welcome dear, happy to share everything I can if it's helpful. I hope you find a place where you can live an authentic life and still enjoy a prosperous career!
Thank you for your story Vanessa. I too look for a plastic surgeon to adjust some of my features. I wish to remove the bags under my eyes, repair my oft broken nose and try to remove some of lifes battle scars...but not all: they are hard earned and are a part of who I am and where I have been. A part of my soul and bodies struggle and search for enlightenment. I wish you all the best with your changes and hope all goes well. I look forward to meeting the new you.
Love.......
Dame Veronica
I have my first consultation with Dr Raul Jimenez Bellinger of Facial Team in November so I'm also following this thread with great interest.
Hugs
Scarlett xx
hi all im new here started my journey 6 months ago its a lonely path but i carry on hrt beginning to work thank god
David (Daphne), that's about the point where I really started noticing significant change too; just last month actually. Looks like we're at about the same stage in our physical journeys. Hope we can compare notes as we progress.
I hope to be able to do that someday... even tho the thought of surgery terrifies me... not to mention the cost... I fear I'll never be able to afford to transition and always be stuck the way I am... honestly I would be content with just hormones... I admit that may change... for now I'm happy with being my true self on Facebook and the surprising amount of acceptance I've gotten from friends who knew me before I came out 🙂
<3 so glad you've found acceptance among your friends dear. That truly is the most precious part of the journey!
I was actually surprised by some of my friends who I thought would unfriend me over coming out... most just accept it... which is better than what my dad's family did
