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Once We Decide

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(@charee)
Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Joined: 5 years ago
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Hey beautiful souls, I wish you an amazing week!

'I just have to figure out what I want now' she said, 'once I know that, I can easily imagine it and day dream about it with huge emotions 24/7, but knowing what I want is the hardest thing ever for me.'

'How do you know, until you know?'  I agreed.

After all, I had bought and sold a sailboat and never put it in the water, but I have indeed been sailing and will continue.

I have bought and sold many, many things I thought I wanted, until I had them and came to the realization that in fact, not really. I have also had other experiences that were not what I had imagined them to be.

Some people just seem to know with every fiber of their being and from an incredibly young age, the specific character they want to play in life, the lifestyle their character will experience while playing out this amazing adventure called life. Its like they knew before they got there. I knew at four years old that I was different than some guys, back then I repressed.

In this conversation I was reminded that not so long ago, a silent Char sat motionless behind closed dark curtains, with the door locked; wearing leggings and a T top, make up and painted toes. I was dressed comfortably, in secret, the Dolce perfume mixed with the scent of shame and self-hatred filling the air.

I had let go of feeling like I would rather die than be exposed as different; I had tried before on more than one occasion to end my suffering and now my new choice, to grow, was taking foot hold.

'To know what you want first,
is to first know, what you do not want.'

Here is a simple exercise that helped me tremendously to sort through the noise of my mind and gain more clarity of my next steps.

I begin by writing a title on a sheet of paper, 'I Do Not Want' at the top, number and wrote down the left side in point form everything you currently know you dod not want to have, do or be. Include everything you can think of in each area of your life.

One of my lists looked like this:

I do not want

  1. to feel ashamed of how I look
  2. to suffer any more from self judgement
  3. to feel alone and lonely
  4. to hate who I see in the mirror
  5. to be sick, tired and uninspired

Now, once you have a nice long list, title a second page, 'A step closer to what I do want.'
On this page, write the exact opposite of each number on the previous page.

The opposite of my 1, is: to feel proud and confident about my appearance,

  1. to feel whole self-acceptance
  2. to feel welcomed and respected
  3. to love who I see in the mirror
  4. to feel alive, inspired and full of energy as much as possible.
  5. I then repeat the exercise getting more precise each time.

This exercise has helped me to find more clarity in knowing what experiences, emotions, possessions, contributions, and spontaneous adventures I want to have during my time in this play called life. By getting clear about just the next step, you will automatically lean forward into your next adventure and knowing more of what you want, next.

I also like to remember that each time any one of us grows one tiny step forward and models it on the planet, someone else’s heart gives them permission to progress one step more toward intentionally and consciously creating their own amazing life.

Once we decide it is, and we see it almost like a video game where you observe the show and participate in it at the same time, then the world becomes the stage on which we, the driver, choose and create who our character is, how they look, and feel most of the time, the life style, the amount of money they make and so on.

This week, rediscover what you want to create and experience on your adventure called life. There are no limits of what you can want other than those imposed by the self and nature.

 I am grateful for all of your questions and comments.

Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for  being exactly who you are!

Namasté

Char

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4 Replies
Posts: 197
Admin
(@vanessa)
Reputable Member     United States of America, Washington, Seattle
Joined: 6 years ago

Love your beautiful smile dear!

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1 Reply
Silver
(@charee)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Posts: 219

Awe thaaankyou Vanessa; Its the nicest thing we can wear I think hahaha

Create a magical day dear 😉

Namaste'
n huggles
Char

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Posts: 31
(@jaiymelynne)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Nevada, Las Vegas
Joined: 5 years ago

Char,
wow, once again you got me. Thank you. I've not done that specific exercise, but I will. I have thought about it a lot though. I accept myself now. BUT if I go all the way down the road, what then? What do I do? That's what I have a hard time understanding or seeing. Who will be my friends, if my old ones fail? Which they ain't that strong to begin with, actually. Sad to say. But I think my own "secrets and lies" hold me back from opening up. I've been, as you mention, repressed for 50 years plus. This thing has me stuck all the time. Time to move forward, or be miserable for ever. So much to do, overwhelm is my daily thing, so rather than face things I withdraw. And that's no way to live. This COVID-19 isolation is no good either. I just think I want to be able to get up, put on a little makeup, cute shorts and top, sunglasses and go out in the world, say walk my dog. But I put limits on myself, worry what others think, But you inspire me as always, I am contacting a local therapist now. I need help to figure me out. Thanks again Char.
Peace and love,
JaiymeLynne

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1 Reply
Silver
(@charee)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Posts: 219

Awe Jaiymelynn I believe you have made a huge step in this message.
The decision of "enough" has arrived and now you will expand in ways you may not yet be able to imagine.

I read clearly what you do want; (I just think I want to be able to get up, put on a little makeup, cute shorts and top, sunglasses and go out in the world, say walk my dog.)

Living independently of the good opinion of others is a pretty real challenge dear, and also really surmountable.

The more I practice feeling super confident, the more that belief sinks deeper into my subconscious, and that most exciting part is, the more respect "I" have for my Self, he more I receive respect from others.

It's like, when I was starving for acceptance and respect, no one would even look at me except to snicker maybe, but, when I generated those feelings from inside me, and for me, then the rest of the world seemed to follow suit and all of a sudden people started treating me with acceptance, kindness and respect ,,,so cool. In fact, many folks say they are proud of me and encourage me to expand more...

I'm super happy you're seeing a professional Jaiymelynn; What has been trying to emerge from within you will now have not only the therapist, but lil Jaiymelynn now has adult you to care for her, and tell her daily she's truly okay.

She is worthy of receiving love and respect and now she can count on you to be the first to give it to her; I am proud of you dear 🙂 One step to freedom 🙂

Also know this Jaiymelynn, just as you have felt inspired through reading these articles, others will be inspired by your story; i know I am, so feel free to put to pen some of your thoughts and experiences as well mmmK 🙂

And always, Thanks for being you Jaiymelynn,
Namaste'
n huggles always
Char

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