I sat across the desk of my CEO, a 265-pound pro body builder and company owner who I worked for. I extended a shaky hand offering my phone, revealing an image of Char to him for very the first time. He gazed at the image for a minute without flinching, handed the phone back to me with a smile and casually said 'I can support this, just own it'
Just own it?
What does that even mean? Several years later and I believe I have an answer to that question.
The steps to Owning it come in three stages of growth:
Stage 1 - Denial. Being able to stop the denial and resist what is continually trying to emerge from deep within. I have purged the closet several times over the years, as many of us have or continue to do.
It’s like trying to hold a big beach ball under water on a windy day with one hand and no easy task. That something trying to emerge has been trying to surface ever since I could chew. I had purged a few times in the past and was familiar with the resurgence of desire, forever returning. Some months after I had purged almost everything, except one pair of skinny jeans a top, Char eventually succeeded in emerging. The jeans and top had been tucked away deep in the abyss a drawer, just in case.
Stage 2 - Acceptance: This is the point where I chose to own it. Shortly after I started purchasing clothes, make up, and shoes again.
Char was a part of my soul trying to express itself. Acceptance began to allowed the harsh suffering to subside. I wasn’t constantly having suicidal thoughts and hating the reflection in the mirror. I accepted that this was not going away or a phase I would grow through and out of eventually. In fact, the more I consciously chose to say kind things to the girl in the mirror, the more I began to like her, bringing me to the next state.
Stage 3 - Owning it: The true power came from acceptance, my soul’s desire to truly embrace Char. Embracing, in the words of Fern Gully ‘help it grow’. Taking part, intentionally and consciously, in the fullest expression of my soul’s desire. Mirror talk is far more powerful when I as questions such as:
- What do you need today Char?
- What do you want most today?
- How can I help you grow today?
Char always answers with a quiet voice, a feeling or a nudge in one direction or another.
Embracing is leaning into the emergence of beautiful you. A state of mind, where we know that we are simply playing a character from a deep desire within, who is attempting to be seen, heard and known. One who loves and wants to be loved.
This week as you Reset, observe where you are resisting, repressing and holding back your own growth. Allow that part of you to emerge, allows more freedom from suffering and victim consciousness, but is still a defensive mechanism. Embracing is gifting yourself the best ever support. It’s intentionally creating the best conditions where and when we can, to safely support the full and authentic emergence of beautiful you.
Becoming our authentic self and embracing this part of us will create the greatest of all human experiences; feelings of satisfaction, happiness, courage, self-esteem and self-love.
Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for being exactly who you are girl!
Namaste
Char
Char,
Thanks for these words. I have been struggling with accepting. As I read books about transitioning, and others stories, I get frightened. Am I strong enought to let JaiymeLynne out, to let her live? Do I have a right to? Or to answer the question, Am I Truly Transgendered? I read guidebooks to gender identity, and wonder about myself, doubting my feelings. I started out crossdressing as a young kid and teen, putting it away for over 30 years. Then a couple traumatic life experiences changed my outlook. JaiymeLynne arrived. I feel comfortable. So your words make me realize that I am past denial, but in the middle of truly accepting JaiymeLynne as being who I am. Now as you say, Owning It, the next step, which entails sharing with others, I need more help with that. So after this world is back to normal, I will seek out therapy and counseling, to try to work out exactly how I do that without completely destroying my world. Cause this in the middle, secrets, uncomfortableness (is that a word..lol) state, is no place to be.
Again thanks for the reset. I needed this today.
Peace and love,
JaiymeLynne
Awe Thaaank You. I'm so grateful or you Jaimie Lynne, especially for the great self care in getting support close at hand to be there when you want them to be.
Those stories are like guide rails on a bridge; they remind us to always exercise good self care first 🙂 but not to be immobilized with fear. I lived in that state most of my life.
When we've had enough, we do something different i believe; Jaimie Lynne, Use your mind to imagine the outcomes you truly love, use the skill of worry, to imagine happy outcomes, it feels so much better than imagining the other. lol
That state of uncomfortableness 😉 it's a word now, haha, definitely sucks, and it causes expansion; be kind to your growing pains mmmK hehe
Namaste'
dear n huggles
Char
Love it
Wow, reading that was really helpful!
Yaaaaay I love when that happens Jodie, that's what this is all about for me.
I am so grateful that you shared that dear, Thank you
Namaste'
and warm huggles for you Jodie
Char
First, I would like to say thank you Charee for being a guiding light. I had a similar experience with a man I work for. He picked up my phone thinking it was his he turned it on and there she was a picture of Barbra. he apologized and said he thought that the phone was his and said no more. As for the picture it is there for the times that I start to deny and resist it's a reminder of who I truly am. As for acceptance I have accepted myself but was still in denial. Then one day at therapy I told my therapist that I accepted that I was transgender woman. She had this look on her face that we had just ascended to the top of a mountain. Now I must own it and to move forward and become my authentic self-one step at a time. For me that would be to start hormone therapy.
Thank you, Charee, Hugs Barbra
Thank you Char! This is something I needed to hear too! It's good to know that other people are in a similar situation as me and that there's advice on how to cope with it.
BTW, you look great in your picture!
