Oh Brina, your story hits so close to me. I was a closet cross dresser for almost all my life, way back in the days when people got seriously beaten for even thinking such things. Six years ago I lost my wife of 50 years, actually 4 months short of our 50th anniversary, to pancreatic cancer. It was a long, nasty 13 month trip. But also, as you see, after a period, it set me free. Now, I can become Jennifer almost any time. Yes, I still do have straight friends who will make some kind of off color remark now and then, but usually not too derogatory any more. I've become bolder, don't hide my feminine nature any more, and I believe, for the most part, they're aware. At 75, I've finally reached the point where I think, why should i even give a crap? It's just one of those Don't ask, don't tell things. We're still great friends. Like you, I love being my feminine self, whenever I'm alone I dress, even if something simple with no make up. As a male, living alone, I have to be in charge, take care of the place, when you own a home and several acres there's always things that must be done. But when I dress, I feel different. I can become submissive, calm, actually more adventurous. I've been fortunate to meet 3 nice men over the past few years and we maintain a nice long term friends with benefits situation. Lately, I've been experimenting in a little BDSM, most intense indeed. Being a caretaker, watching as a loved one slowly fades from this life and moves onto the next, is amazingly difficult, and rewarding. It's a journey thru the cycle of life, helps us develop empathy and understanding. And, it prepares us, and opens the door for, the next phase of our lives. What we do, who we will become, how we will look at life and see ourselves in it, even accept ourselves for who we are, is all up to us, a new beginning. We don't have to be ashamed, it's not just us, there's millions of us, we're not odd or unique, and we have friends like here. There is sunshine behind the clouds, I hope your upcoming journey is a most pleasant one. There will be stones in the path, but we're not the first to walk it.
Hugs,
Jennifer
Thank you for the wonderful comments and sharing of your own story. As an update, my father passed on May 20th, peacefully. Onto what comes next as I deal with the end of one thing and move to the next.
Would love to talk with you more
Am very happy to meet new friends and still going down this path love to talk with you
Wonderful article I could not agree more how I have to bite my tongue when hanging around with some of my buddies and their totally ignorant statements thank you and take cart of yourself in this difficult time dealing with your father
Thank you for the comments. Unfortunately, it's come to condolences as my father passed last week.
This may sound judgy, but I don't understand why anyone would keep a Transphobic for a friend. I think that's flirting with disaster. They are not gonna change.
Life is too short, i don't need a-holes like that anywhere near me.
I have plenty of friends, all non-Trans, who don't judge me, or any LGBTQ people.
And if any of you have a parent or loved one near the end of life, know that hospice nurses are trained to be non-judgemental.
I was a hospice nurse for 8 years. When a client or patient asked for a female nurse, i was sent to care for them, no BS, no questions asked.
My sincere if late condolences on the loss of your father. Fourteen months on from mine passing it still hurts but I think he'd had enough since Mum had died 13-odd years earlier. You likely gave him a better end and much longer.
As for bigots well, I admire you for sticking it out but I just can't be bothered anymore. After one rant too many I just decided that was it, he's never bothered to check up on why I dropped out of his life which speaks volumes to me. Not being deafened by how great his business/family/whatever was isn't missed either.
Very nice writing which I've just got to as I've been away because of life interfering.
Keep safe and look for the opportunities that will arise.
Thank you for these thoughts. Very well expressed. I love the idea that it us OK to be middle of the road. This is were I am.
A deep Bible rooted Christian faith says, "No, you can't do . . . " fill in the blank.
An equally deep sense of my own "femaleness", yields and says, 'OK, for the sake of others I won't, but that doesn't mean I am not a woman. "
I am middle of the road, at this point. That's not saying I won't swerve, . . . yet honestly I don't see that swerve to be toward the more masculine then I have to be to stay in the middle.
Perhaps one day being in the middle won't matter. Then will it be my "right" to be, not more woman than I am mow, but more woman expressing?
Kindly,
Charrie
I so agree. Let's hope we get to see the day sooner than generations away...
Thanks for commenting. 🙂