Too Much Baggage to...
 
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Too Much Baggage to Transition

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Posts: 11
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(@vincenza)
Active Member     United States of America, Louisiana, Hahnville
Joined: 3 years ago

where to start? hormone therapy scares me, doctors scare me - I don't trust any of them. Finally deciding I need to fix what has been wrong for so long scares me - and things like hormone therapy have no guaranties - especially at 65. will they even have and visible effects starting at this age?

My story is similar to Stephanie's in a lo of ways - so I thought i might offer my own -maybe it will help some one. From grade 1 in a catholic school - the teachers told my parents: "There is something wrong with your child and you should take him to see a doctor." "He has bedroom eyes not boys eyes"... By 4th grade the boys and girls where separated into completely different buildings. I remember thinking I liked playing with the girls from my building more then the boys, but it was frowned upon unless it was one of those games kids played where gender had no component.

I only had brothers - so it wasn't until I was entering puberty that I discovered there was something off about me - but mom was always home so again while I would pleasure myself to fantasies of being a woman / girl - even that brought problems as I tried to prevent myself from having the normal boy "emissions" while not understanding why.

high school was enjoyable since I studied a trade that allowed me to be "Creative" but again one or 2 casual male acquaintances, no girl friend - I hung out with a crowd in a different neighborhood - because I didn't fit in - at the time i put it up to moving into a new city and being a somewhat different age then the local kids - but even in the group i hung out with I was mostly an outsider - hell I only went to senior prom as a favor to a friend in my classes - and he arranged the blind date. I would later learn he was gay - and while it was whispered about in our high school - i didn't learn about it till years later.

Military service had similar effects from keeping me distracted from the "off" feelings of wish n dreaming i was a woman - i had few friends one of whom caught on that something was "off" about me - He himself was closet gay - and he felt he needed to help me "identify and fix" my problem - it caused a big fight and we never did manage to repair the friendship. To his credit - he tried to warn me against marrying my first wife even before I had decided I would marry the woman I barely knew; (met through a lonely hearts club).

That marriage was short and doomed from the start and not because of my own unhappiness with being born wrong - but when she learned I liked to wear her clothes (our physiatrist outted me to her) that sealed the end of the by then destructive marriage and put me back into the closet and total denial.

I started working at being a good "normal" husband - but eventually the thing in the closet began peeking out - it only lasted a short while as i never really could fit in any of her clothes, i did all the "normal" man things raising our sons - but i was still bothered - then the marriage became sexless and other distractions allowed me to continue to lie to myself about things. Still my wife deserves better - everything I can still deliver on the promises we made. I had been considering suicide despite being Catholic - telling myself God can forgive anything is the church - a product of humans that had all these rules. i eventually locked the tools away and found a different reason to keep going - still hiding my secret but I had found the physical and emotional love I needed.

Like everything else in my life; the hint of my secret was accidentally discovered when she noticed the clothing i was buying - we had at that point been consoling each other for more then 15 years - and I simply could not lie to her or myself any longer. So I came out to her and she was like its ok lots of men like to wear women's clothing and cross dress. I pushed further and told her everything you have now read and made it plainly clear that I was no longer content with things - I needed to fix me! the expected question followed; and she has been patient and tries to understand. She has been a good voice of reason every time i start going off the rails even if she doesn't understand it all. She is helping me sort things out and keeping me from doing anything that would jeopardize my employment / retirement - basically all the normal things any normal adult would be mindful as i am on the quest for the real me what ever and where ever that might lead.

Which brings me to this point - i am doing what i can to live as a woman in my own spaces and on my own time - while I am no longer 600 lbs (yes i was that self destructive) - I am a big tall man which makes me a garish woman en fem 9try finding size 17 normal daily foot wear for a woman). In the short - i am finding I have less and less patience for delays - so now I think I am ready for hormone therapy - but i cannot settle myself to the costs versus the benefits or if you will the risks of complications and are they outweighed by the physical and mental changes I can expect to gain given my age now

i am dying to hear the voices of anyone but in particular from those who also started this late in their male existence when they chose to fix the problem

thank you for listening

Vincenza Sha`ne

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Posts: 1
(@dixiee)
New Member     United States of America, New Jersey, Burlington city
Joined: 3 years ago

i have to do something soon it is sad to know all the time wasted and scary kmowing how fast it went. almost 50 years in a blink of an eye.one thing i know i will be holding my eyes wide open for the rest of my time

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Posts: 4
(@sommekinder)
New Member     United States of America, Florida
Joined: 6 years ago

I’m a bit late for this thread but I just wanted to share my thoughts and experiences with HRT. I decided to start with my transition after 2 years of working with a therapist about every 90days with tuneup sessions.That was in June 2019, when I started my actual hormone therapy. She provided me with a letter explaining my gender dysphoria diagnosis.By the way I’m now 75, so it’s never too late to start.
I am currently using Estradiol, Finasteride, and micronized Progesterone. The results are very subtle in the beginning and patience is required for hormones effectiveness is different for each individual. I currently have a breast bra size of a large B cup / small C cup. My body hair is very fine texture and my legs require shaving every couple of months. I have lost muscle mass and my skin has thinned but is very sensitive and very soft which is pleasing to me.
My testosterone levels are <15 and estrogen levels >175. These are very similar to a post-menopausal female. I’m still experiencing very slow progress but I’m getting results which makes me very happy. My dosages are very balanced and I don’t experience dramatic mood swings. My mental state is very different from when I started and for me it’s the best thing about HRT.
At my age like many of you know that we are not going to physically look like our younger sisters but the rewards of being a woman chemically enhanced is very helpful/ rewarding substitute for our lack of the desired passibility standards. I am not trying to imply that we should not try to be our best selves but the rewards of HRT are amazing.

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2 Replies
Member
(@drose4evr)
Joined: 1 year ago

Eminent Member     United States of America, Michigan
Posts: 35

Your story is very inspiring,

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Member
(@roxanne)
Joined: 6 years ago

Eminent Member     United States of America, Georgia, Clarkesville
Posts: 44

Your experiences are very "attractive" to me, Miss Victoria. I too, am 75, and have never felt more feminine, even when I was a young teenager experimenting with skirts, dresses, makeup and other feminine things! Many times I simply wanted to stop this "madness", but I kept returning. Now I adore being, and feeling, like Roxanne! I so want another to love with, be a "wife" to, and finish my strange life as a lady! Oh, why was I born to be a male, anyway?
Yes, I did all those "male" things, in my life, like "sports", thrilling hobbies like "whitewater paddling in canoes", travelling and exploring as an Army "logistician civilian" for 30 years. But, always, occasionally, was "Roxanne" in the depths of my mind, and, occasionally, in the "near-to-surface" levels! Now, retired, I also want to be retired from my male life! For my remaining years, let me BE Roxanne, LET me be a loving, caring Lady, wife to a sweet, caring person who wants me!
Roxanne Lanyon  💏 

[email protected]

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Posts: 3
(@greeneyes)
New Member     United Kingdom, Warwickshire, Birmingham
Joined: 1 year ago

I know wat I won't in my life I feel happier contented in my own business?, I don't have any hang up or stress with any thing .yet I feel other people do .I know I say sometime when other people in the city gorp stair looking at me like I'm some sort of well known phespian or politician.no I'm just me Charlotte-Mia happy Transgender male dressed as a female with nice makeup nice cloth my beautiful kittens on ?yet I have no tautness in my emotions when other people are indirect criticism over my look I've been fully dressed as a female for some time but going out more and more on my own .I don't go to the gay village it not about that I just do my own thing go for meal nice place cinema. I look like a female with new hips love ❤️ 😍 but I'm just thinking of HRT .I'm still not sure how all that work .I have number for Australia 🇦🇺 but I'm sure you can get them somewhere else in Europe like Swiss land or Germany any I don't know but happy big Girly hug Charlotte Mia

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Posts: 35
Member
(@drose4evr)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Michigan
Joined: 1 year ago

I feel your pain I know exactly how you’re feeling. It’s like me looking in the mirror.you are not alone,But when I dress up I wish I had some one to share it with, I dream of the day when I can just hang out even for a day,Just being girl friends, just like you as I get older it seems to slip further away,But I will never give up my private time, of being the real me, the female I should’ve been,

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Posts: 1
Member
(@girl)
New Member     United States of America, Louisiana, baton rouge
Joined: 1 year ago

I could not believe you were talking about yourself, I thought you were talking about me.98% of our stories are the same,god bless you

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Posts: 1
Member
(@chrisbarry)
New Member     United States of America, Ohio, South point45680
Joined: 11 months ago

There's so many stories that match my story! But I seem to meet any .I've given up on dating sites and just hope one day ,things will happen and I'll get to enjoy being the woman I want to be!

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Posts: 44
(@roxanne)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Georgia, Clarkesville
Joined: 6 years ago

Well, I too should join the discussion! I have noted that most that have already commented are married, still with wives, and worried. Well, I, Roxanne, am a little different. I am divorced, and have been for about seven years. I am in my mid-seventies, so I am not a "spring chicken", as they say. Cross-dressed since the 8th grade, off and on ever since, and now am seriously contemplating hormone therapy. I really like being a lady! I am retired, live by myself, and love, simply love being a woman! I am still a male in my semi-rural, conservative Southern town, but would so adore being able to go out shopping, or to the movies, or other places in my pretty skirts and blouses, and be attractive to others as a Lady! But, being Roxanne in public in my town, at my age scares me. There, I have said it! What do I do now? I am contemplating talking to a "shrink" for guidance, or advice, and learn more. But right now, I simply have had my fill of being a male, and want to become a female, permanently! All I know right now is that I love the feeling of being Roxanne!
Oh, this "girl" is so confused!
 😍 Roxanne Lanyon

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