I love that story so much! I am a mature transwoman, who began her life as a young boy exploring her way around bras, panties and girdles, occasionally. Now, after a full male life, I am desiring to really be a woman. I never thought I would feel this way, but now, at 75, I WANT to become a Lady! No, I do not know why, it is just a feeling I have, and finishing the rest of my life as a woman sounds so appealing to me. I want to be cared for, wanted by someone else, especially a male, to be truly loved. Ai times there is simply nothing else I would rather be! A woman, a Lady! I want my heart to throb when a man coms into the room and smiles at me. I want to feel faint when he kisses me on the back of the neck! I want to say "YES!!" when he proposes to me, and live the rst of my life in skirts, blouses, lingerie, all things female, and pretty.
This is so true, I just not have yet figured out how to get there, and, whether I am now too old for this! But, being a Lady would be the best ever thing that could happen to me! I just "know" it, so much! Lord, let me be a "she" for the remainder of my life!
Miss Roxanne Lanyon
Hi Roxanne,
Thank your for your thoughts. I understand your thoughts and longings for I share them. And often, I think daily, continue to ask the Lord to make it clear that my time for outward female expression is now. Until He does, I wait, for longsuffering is one of the fruit of the Spirit.
Kindly,
Charlene
Hi Charlene,
You know God sees you. Hope you know God loves you. The bind you are in is one of womanhood's largest: putting all others before yourself; pleasing everyone but yourself. Another trait many women suffer is believing there is something wrong with them personally for not loving enough, doing more for others, giving enough, and wanting experiences they are not having. Sound familiar? You are Woman. At least you know yourself. Your whole life brought you to just where you are. Celebrate your feelings. Consider what beliefs you have that are still making you feel shame or bad. Do these serve you? Do you really believe these mere ideas that are holding you back from being you? Do the inner work. Have gratitude and revel in your life this second, that will always bring even more to experience and be grateful for. Be you, even if you still wear "boyfriend" type clothes. Blessings and LOVE for you. You can do this you thing.
Joni
Hi Jonnie,
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your reaching out to encourage me. I do know that God loves me, has fearfully and wonderfully made me which includes my gender brokenness and has done so for His purpose.
We are told in the Bible that to everything there is a season; a time to every purpose under the sun. Every flower blooms in its season. I see my outward womanhood expression the same way. I will bloom in my season. When my time comes certainly I will be ready and able to do this.
Kindly,
Charlene
Charlene, I am 76 and have probably run myself out of time. I took the chance and came out to my wife of 56 years about a year ago...and my whole wife flashed before my eyes. My choices were/are get out or give it up. Well, you know what I and many others know: you can't give it up. Right now I am working along with a great therapist who gently but firmly reminds me that I will get out, I must get out; and so must you somehow. I am still hoping for a bit longer my wife will want to be a companion.
5 years old! I remember it like it was yesterday. It is my first clear, coherent, complete memory as a human being on this earth. I still wonder how so many people can be in denial, but I can tell you I am not and the sense of wholeness and contentment dwarfs the discontent and anger of others. I am a whole, complete, untouchable person for having come all the way out. I hope my wife does not give up the best thing in her life.
Hi Stacia, thank you for taking the time to read my article and comment.
Oh my, 76 with 56 years of marriage. In doing the math that is how long I would have been married should I turn 76. As it was after 38 years of marriage my first wife divorced me because once she found out how deeply engrained my feminine essence was she decided she could no longer be married to a "man that wanted to be a woman."
I did not dress regularly or allow my feminine essence out. Living like that at times made me withdrawn and moody. That was the extent of my "expression."
I kept a journal as writing helped me cope. Eventually she found the journal, read it, and was emotionally distraught claiming that she finally understood the cause of my times of moodiness and distress was because I couldn't be Charlene. It was too much for her to process, accept, and live with so after 38 years she divorced me. Ironically the motivation my my deep closeted life was to avoid divorce.
Truly I understand your need to come out. Truly I do hope your wife can find peace with who you are authentically and that recognizing this is part of the "for better or for worse" that she vowed to 56 years ago.
I rejoice with you in your sense of freedom and wholeness. May the contentment of authentic living carry you through the pain and uncertainty that may be your lot ahead.
Kindly,
Charlene
Oh Charlene! Thanks for sharing. I feel exactly like you now but I did not have those intense girl feelings till about 9 or 10. Since I accepted my state as transgender in 2019 vs crossdresser I am happier now more than ever. As you said. It makes perfect sense now.
Blessings,
Hope
Hi Hope. Thank you for reading my article. I truly am encouraged that though written in September the thoughts still are helpful.
Honestly,
I have not moved much beyond where I was when I wrote that article. But there is a greater peace within knowing and accepting myself as a woman. However I am much more determined mentally and emotionally to be myself outwardly. Transitioning is no longer off the table or considered impossible as it once was for me.
Kindly,
Charrie
Thank you Charlene.
First off thank you for your post all be it some time ago, it still resonates. Whilst I don't have any answers there is so much commonality between so many of us that there has to be some undiscovered truth lurking in our DNA. We are not perverted freaks however we are not to be envied either. A life spent hiding who we are is at times tolerable but never a full life. The joy and happiness that erupts when you fully come out is overwhelming. I'm a strong believer in the theory of a massive Estrogen bombardment during fetal development that makes us trans however I'm open to other theories as well.
And PS there are a large proportion of us that are attracted to other females.
Biggest hugs,
MistressB
Hi Mistress B. Thank you for your reply. I truly am delighted that something I wrote last September is still being read and still touching a cord for the reader.
I too believe the fetal development theory is the correct answer to our shared condition. No, I can not prove it, but the theory does satisfy my need to understand why and offers a solid basis of explanation to help others understand us.
Be blessed in your journey dear dister.
Kindly,
Charrie