When Life Gets In T...
 
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When Life Gets In The Way

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Posts: 8
Guest
(@Cami Jansen)
Active Member
Joined: 6 years ago

I can relate to so much of what you've written Vanessa and wish you all the happiness you deserve Sweetheart..Thank you for sharing.

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Posts: 5
Member
(@lea)
Active Member
Joined: 6 years ago

As with many Peoples and Cultures around the world, there is Man, Woman and Everything In Between. So you / we are Not Alone. So as more People move about and Cultures intermixing...the greater the general understanding and appreciation for All Peoples - Humans....and the rest of the Creatures that inhabit / share the Earth with us all... ☮️🙏 ❤️

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Posts: 20
Member
(@reubyb)
Eminent Member     United States of America, California, Sacramento
Joined: 6 years ago

Pulling out a pistol? I could never carry one. Too many chances for innocent people to get hurt.

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Posts: 16
 Tara
Member
(@candlefly)
Eminent Member     United States of America, California
Joined: 6 years ago

I’ve been there too, Vanessa. There have been times when I wanted to hurt myself. I think I’m past that now. But there were some dark times. And I was married for 14 years, suppressing my true self all the while. It was actually a blessing when she left, ironically for another woman. I’m finally free to live my life. I’m not sure whether I’ll fully transition this late in life. And now there’s another woman I’m in love with and she’s not onboard with me being a woman. She supports me, but she wouldn’t stay in the relationship if I transitioned. But that’s all stuff to work out with my therapist, which, thankfully, I’ve finally begun. I finally found a therapist and was comfortable coming out to them and explaining who I really am. I think there are good things ahead. I hope that goes for you too.

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Posts: 8
Guest
(@Cami Jansen)
Active Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Vanessa,

Thank you for sharing your story. I knew at 7 yrs old that I was in the wrong body. I couldnt come out then and tell anyone whatsoever. My father and mother split up when I was 6 years old. A year later I was living with my father. My first pair of panties period, I stole from K-mart. I knew that I couldnt hide myself, but had to. I began depression in at an early age. Not having any female friends when I was younger. I remember back in school, see how beautiful all the girls were and the things they wore. I was sick in my head. If only I didnt have to hide I thought. I ran away from home, ended up in a state school because my father beat and abused me, Physically, mentally and spiritually. Over time I still was quiet about coming out even through high school, Job Corps and then here comes the US ARMY. I was in from Aug 04 - Mar 07. Was discharged because I admitted I was transgender. Thats when my life really went to hell in a hand basket. My entire family disowned me, aunts, cousins, uncles, siblings, nieces, and nephews. My mother passed away May 23, 2011. My father I have the slightest clue if he is even alive or not, frigg'n crack head, he turned out to be. Of all my sisters that i have, I thought at least one would be understanding and help me, allow me to be me in her home, but her excuse was: I quote... "I just don't want you nieces and nephews to grow up to hate you." end quote... How can you say such things to me, they only hate when they are taught hate. So I walk this earth alone. Weary it is on a daily basis. I to have had suicidal thoughts, but would never act up on them. a month ago in Houston Tx, I was in the Houston VAMC for suicidal thoughts. I had a girl play head games with me for 2 years. then when it came time to meet, she gave me nothing but excuses, which caused me to think highly of hurting myself. I just wanted all the pain to go away. Off and on for the past 3 years I've been on hormones. I got mine from a friend that has already undergone surgery, plus is on the injections. My biggest habit right now is I still smokke cigarettes from time to time. I'm trying to get off them, so my meds will work properly. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I really hope take make some wonderful friends here.

I did have an exgf at one time that wass very supportive of my transition but always felt like I was gay fr some reason. I told her if i was gay, I would not be with her. Its the fact that the attention that she was trying to give to me, I did not know how to respond. I had been so alone my entire life. she f**ked my heart up. I have a wall that I dont know if it can ever be broken down and healed. plus she didnt do a good thing to make me think of all women to be like her. its taken me some years to get over her. now I'm learning that I dont want anyone like her. I want another unique girl all of my own. In time I know I'll cross her path or she will cross my path. I just hope not to be so shy when I find her.

Best of wishes to you Vanessa

-Layla Jynsen

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Posts: 8
Subscriber
(@gambit)
Active Member     United States of America, Virginia, Richmond
Joined: 5 years ago

My family are rednecks and only my mom and oldest brother accept my transitioning to a male. That is why i am 39 and just beginning yo discuss hormones with my doctor. I tried to kill my self 5 times. I have been hospitalized multiple times. Now i am almost 40 i realize i most live my life for myself and not others

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Posts: 98
(@qtystephanie)
Estimable Member     United States of America, Massachusetts, Boston
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Vanessa- Marie My heart goes out to you.. Why people have be so mean sometimes i just do not understand.. I do understand your grandmother. She was taught that because you were born with a male body you should appreciate. It more. I was told the same thing simiar by my mother when i was young. The woman gave privaledge to that male body vwhen you were born. They feel insulted when you did not accept it. Your boy friend does not deserve your love. If he found out you were sick he should of came to you with concearn and wanted to help. You deserve better. Stay strong and be true to your self. There is some one out there looking for a special person that only wants what we all want to be loved and to love. Luv Stephanie

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