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Who is your true friend?

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Topic starter
(@charee)
Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Joined: 5 years ago
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Hello dear souls, this week I ask the question, who is your true friend?

Many of us, myself included, have called people our friends, but are they really?

In the sentences to follow, in place of any gender-related words, we can also insert anything you feel most ashamed of deep under your skin; perhaps its feeling like you are overweight, or what you call unattractive, maybe you think you are too tall/short, not very smart, and so on. It’s the thing that brings about the feelings of not being good enough, whatever the reason.

There are as many ways to be self-deprecating
as there are grains of sand on a beach.

Some folks we call a friend do not treat us as friends but rather, they keep us locked in our shame cyclones simply by how they speak to us when we expose our deepest fears and secrets.

When I first began presenting gender different, I would call on those I called friend for their support. One of the ways we can grow our confidence, self-esteem and self-love are by finding one or two people who accept us completely just as we are; not despite who we are, but rather because of who we are.

A true friend loves you because of your human imperfections

There are those who “say” they are your friend, yet their actions and words are not congruent. For example, one person I called friend said to me, I am totally fine seeing you dressed up, just tell me if you are going to be dressed in girl clothes when I come to visit; give me a heads up so I can mentally prepare myself. This is a person who has judgments and needs to prepare to be in your company, yet we call them friend?

Another person called friend says, oh I am completely good with how you look now, then, crickets. You hear nothing from them unless you make contact first and you must almost beg for their company. This is not a friend.

Do your friends respect and support your choices?

I know a lady who changed her name, yet after only a few months she returned to using the previous name because not one of her so-called friends, would use the name she said she preferred, but instead said; I met you as 'so 'n so' and that is how I will refer to you because that is what I am used to. These people had total disregard for what this lady requested. They are Not friends.

A true friend will support you in becoming the grandest version of the person you choose to become. They will help you navigate the challenges and obstacles to becoming the vision you hold for yourself.

A true friend will not 'should' on you; oh, you should do this, be like that, act like so 'n so, etc. A true friend will not tell you what they think would be best for you, but rather they will help you get clear about what you really want for yourself.

During my own journey I have discovered that if we can find one or two people who authentically support us in becoming the person that 'we' choose to be, we are very blessed. If we can find more than a couple of these wonderful souls, we have won the friendship lottery.

Do you have any true friends? People you share your deepest fears and shame spots with; who simply stand by you and help you work through it until you find clarity, release the shame, and grow your self-love?

If you want a friend, first you have to be one

This week, ask yourself, am I a true friend who supports others on their journey of becoming the grandest version of the greatest vision they hold for themselves? Do I support them in discovering their own clarity or do I give them advice on how I think they should be?

Learning the life skill of being a true friend will improve your own life in amazing ways and, will support others in witnessing what a truly, authentic friendship looks like.

So who do you call friend?

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Posts: 32
Member
(@cassiemg)
Trusted Member     United States of America, Alabama
Joined: 3 years ago

A friend is a true friend always there for another friend in a situation and supporting you.Mine have,one is when my mom and I went through a tragic situation when my two older brothers passed from drug overdoses and dad passed from taking his own life during my senior year of high school.They knew I was next in the cycle and are glad I broke it after coming out at age 18 wanting to transition becoming female.They supported me through my transition and say I am the same person I was before but much happier.Looked back seeing a woman from the inside wanted out of me.

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(@charee)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Posts: 219

Beautiful Cassie!! I'm proud of you Hon...having lost a few relatives to suicide and attempted a few times myself I get that to some degree.

I found out after my Dad passed that he, and a certain # of his brothers cross-dressed, secretly of course; I instantly felt like I was changing the pattern rather than following along unwittingly.

You are an inspiration to more people than you may know Cassie; thank you Hon, ever thought of penning an article about breaking the cycle? 😉 juuust sayin hehehe

Thank you so much for being exactly who you are sweetie; I for one, and I'm sure there are many more, Am Grateful for you daer

namaste'
n huggles for ya Cassie Gem
Char

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Member
(@cassiemg)
Joined: 3 years ago

Trusted Member     United States of America, Alabama
Posts: 32

I am thinking about penning an article on it.It was tough at first before I came out

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Silver
(@charee)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Posts: 219

hehehe I'm proud of you Hon, I can't wait to see it published on the site 😉
You Rock Cassie, thank you for that!

Namaste'
' n big ole huggles for ya girl
Char

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Posts: 21
Guest
(@SophieFR)
Eminent Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Thanks for an interesting article Char.
I consider that I have many acquaintances and a few friends.
When I changed my life and relocated by chance at the same time, I left behind all those I had considered friends where I lived.
My decision and action was validated when nobody from that area took time to make contact with once I had moved house just a 1 hour drive away!
Now, I only invite those I choose to be in my life and I do this consciously.

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Silver
(@charee)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Posts: 219

Yes and what a beautiful thing it is to surround yourself with people who love and respect you hey Sophie, nice going Hon 😉

In this little town of 40 people, I know everyone, but only a few are invited over hahaha
also by choice 😉

Namaste'
my Dear
n huggles of course
Char

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Posts: 7
Member
(@evilin)
Active Member     Canada, British Columbia, Surrey
Joined: 3 years ago

A true friend can see that I am not changing on the inside, only on the outside. It's how the world sees me and treats me that's changing.

This is my opinion.

Thank you Charee, that is a great article. It should help people choose the friends they need, not the friends they think they want. Some of the friends I thought I wanted as friends disowned me when I came out in November.
My own cousin and his wife did this to me when I came to visit them for awhile. I apparently made them uncomfortable and just handed me my belongings one day when I came back from a night out. That was one week ago and I am now more at ease being homeless than being in that very stressful situation. Despite being homeless, I'm doing better now than I have since November.
I won't be in this situation long, I have a lot of support and help.

Evilin Hart 💞

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Silver
(@charee)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Posts: 219

Oh and how much more free you are Hon; I can feel your ability to move forward and having been homeless myself, I know the inner strength that comes with in-dependance and detachment with love.

I am so grateful that you have a lot of support Evilin; I am proud of you for not compromising who you choose to be. You are an example of "being the change"

I have walked out of a few job interviews when they said "we'd like to you to cut your hair" HAHAHA NOT! and had one couple refuse to allow me into their home to complete the service work required by the builder; poor things were so uncomfortable with their beliefs.

I no longer accept responsibility for other peoples thoughts, feelings or actions, only my own 🙂 and yes!! Since showing the world my authentic self (aka coming out) I have watched as the non-true-friends have just fallen away, disappeared or blatantly left my circle.

Now, I am surrounded by people who accept me, support me love me for exactly who I choose to be; who I am...It did take a little time of course, but I am so grateful for how being authentic has been a vetting of who is in my circle of true friends.

I'll be watching for that article Evelin, after you get relocated in a much more conducive environment of course hehe

Take care of you Hon and thanks so much for sharing here, I hope some sisters close to you will offer up what they can for you.
Chat again son mmmk?

Namaste'
n huggles Evelin
Char

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Posts: 219
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Topic starter
(@charee)
Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Joined: 5 years ago

I find it very cathartic to write the articles; sometime I think it's more healing for me than those who read them 😉

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Posts: 21
Guest
(@SophieFR)
Eminent Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Excellent article Charee ,

I have had many so called friends over the course of life , friends come and go ...part of life .
Now I really don't make friends it's more of just aquntiences then anything else .
But I do have one true friend who has been there for me for well over 30 years now and he still supports me and has help me out more times then I can remember . He is more then just a friend ...he is my brother !

Alexis Porsche Wassermann

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Silver
(@charee)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Canada, Hawarden, SK, Canada
Posts: 219

Awe, what a beautiful thing that is Terri; what a gift you are for one another 🙂
Thank you so much for saying hon
Namaste'
n huggles for you dear
Char

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