I hear that so often from trans people. It got me thinking...should I have though?
On serious reflection the answer is no. It is no because it wasn't my time, my circumstances weren't right, my relationships weren't understood and society wasn't as accepting! Also I just wasn't truly aware of what I could do.
Many seem to carry that regret of leaving it so long and accept that as a cross they have to bear...but should we? Or should we just embrace that we have done it...and the past is the past. That maybe I couldn't have done it before now.
Why is now the right time for you do you think?
Alex
I think it is important to begin transitioning when people are actually ready. Start-Stop-Start-Stop doesn’t do anyone any good. Further, it gives the impression to those around us that we are not serious or that we don’t know what we are doing. Also, detransitioning becomes an “I Told You So” for transphobes and that isn’t positive either.
We don’t transition in a vacuum. We also have to give consideration to, and strategize around, what may change with our families, our work situation and external things like what we do in our communities. It can be a balancing act regarding what we need to do for ourselves versus every one and everything around us.
When it's your time it's your time . There is no set age .
Alexis
Very well written, Alexandria. Each person decides which path to follow at the appropriate time. Everyone makes their own decisions according to their circumstances. There is no point in generating regrets for something that was not and will not be. Life only exists today. The past is only a memory and the future is only plans, which we are not even sure we will be able to achieve.
I've had to do a lot of things for the first time this year. Would I have liked to do them earlier? Definitely. Would I have done them before? I don't think so. I had to do them now.
As I often say: I am unique and unrepeatable and I have to live my way.
Gisela
I now look at it differently, I "transitioned" a long time ago, but finally reached the point in time where it was her time, her turn, the woman inside's time, to live her life to the fullest!
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
There are so many variables involved in our choosing when or if. Family, employment, safety, the list goes on. No one I know knew what was ahead of them in the future. Through all the years of dysphoria, transition was just another work mixed in with all the others. Emotions were all over the place. Hell, I didn’t even know of any doctors I would have trusted back then. Maybe one in Montreal and one in Arizona. We’re talking pre internet days here. Today for me, I'm out living my life as the person I am, my wife is fully on board, and thankfully because of her, we work through the rough days together. I’ve accepted who I am, I am retired and need not worry what others think, do, knowing I am in full control of my life and no one can do anything to affect my life.
Sometimes I look back and wish I could have started transitioning sooner, but I remember that I wasn't ready and that I didn't even know if people would accept me or if they would turn me away. Pluss at the time I was in a bad relationship and my then boyfriend (now ex) claimed to be semi-accepting (anything except bottom surgery), but not sure if that was just talk or if he meant it.
Now I'm in a clearer head space and away from my ex I've had time to think and reflect on my life and realize more of what I want from it. Everyone I know has also grown and learned a lot since then and are more accepting than they used to be. I don't know if things would be the same if I had actually tried earlier.
I think that people still like to imagine and romanticize what could have been if they did transition sooner and how much more time they could have as their true self without thinking about the fallout/negative side effects that might have incurred.
When I consider all the negative effects a male puberty had on my body I definitely have huge regrets. This is especially the case when I see beautiful your transwomen that avoided that horrendous period in their lives. For me it was the start of many years of intense dysphoria.
On the other hand my parents were likely to disown me, my professional career would have taken a completely different course and I would never have had 5 fantastic children.
I'm definitely going to do it differently next time around.....
@mistressb Fair points, I share your experience. If I could have avoided puberty I would, I tried. It was a dark time for many of us. I don't think the severity is in anyway understood by those who say it is a fad or fashion. Today there are more options and that is a great thing, such things were unknown in my world.
I'm only here now because I was found at 13. I know I'm not alone, many have a similar story sadly.
@alexl I am constantly amazed at how similar many of our stories are. Yet for many of us we thought we were the only ones that felt that way and hid away in silence dreading the day our dark secret would be uncovered. Years filled with self hatred and fear takes its toil.
Hi Alex, Sorry for a late comment here but I've just been busy with family stuff. So, for me it was just like a lightning bolt. Like WOW, I know what I'm supposed to do now and there was no turning back. It had taken years to get to that point and one very enlightened doctor showed me the way and prophesied what could be. Originally I resisted and didn't believe in myself but everything just fell into place all at once and changed me completely and forever. Before that time it didn't make sense and I just didn't have the knowledge base. So for me it was just the right place at the right time. Marg
