what i mean by this is can we forget what happened in the past. does the past dictate who we are today? if we have a past that wasn't that pleasent can we move on? if somone comes back in our life from the past and doesn't know we have transitioned how would you handle that .
just a few thoughts that i would be interested in hearing how you feel about them
thanks kimberly
@kimberlylynn I wonder though, do we really want to walk away, completely, from the past? I have always pictured myself as a 'sum of my parts'. And those parts also include my life experiences; both the good, and the not so good. They have afforded me the mindset I have now; while not perfect by any means, I think I would be fearful to have them taken away.
Imagine some doctor tells you that a pill, can erase all of what you remember, and experienced, prior to whatever date you choose. I would be horrified at that prospect. Call it the 'devil you know vice the devil you don't know', but I doubt I'd even consider doing that. More terrifying than any horror movie I can think of. Hugs
Friends...consider an analogy. Let's say you wake up one morning ...and find a HUGE mess of snarls in your hair. Then, your lover or make-up artist brushes your hair, carefully removing all of the snarls. Are you going to be appalled at the disappearance of the "junked-up" hair at the back or your head? I seriously doubt it.
Neurotic stuff (like complexes & obsessions & PTSD patterns) are very like snarls. What you want is to resolve that stuff....not just blank out whole swaths of memory. And, this is OFTEN possible....unless you REALLY are averse to change.
This uncomfortable content (which tends to cripple us) is also kind've like an emotional scar. You remove a scar....and any negative after-effects are not very likely to occur. Chances are...you'll feel much better. Not only that...but, once you've worked on a lot of this stuff, you might find that your memory has EVEN become more keen. Possibly you'll notice a rise in consciousness/"self-realization" too.
Not only that, but--through the years--we've come up with new tools to resolve this stuff. It's not like "way back when," when all we could do is "do a little talk therapy" or have a shrink try to "fix" you (and maybe load a bunch of guilt on you too)!!
Moreover, change (along with other qualities--like being fluid and flexible, and supporting "balance" in your life) (in a healthy, growth-oriented individual) is "the name of the game!!!"
Blessings from L.A.!! ; )
@kimberlylynn That very thing has happened for me kimmie! First I don't want to leave the past behind, that is, all I want to leave behind is my old outer appearance...I'm fine with the rest of it. I connect with those that can live with that and for those that can't...bye, I wish you well...remember the good things about me.
Well! I reconnected with my bestie from school...from when I was 9-16. No contact since, I don't live anywhere near that school or city, haven't since I was 20.
I set my profile up for my deadname at school and a school photo...lets be honest no-one would know me if I didn't.
He PM'd me...I replied and told him I was now the female me, and showed my profile photo from here.
He said I was brave and was fine with it. We talk daily and plan to meet up. We were more than besties back then.
I feel from the moment i was born everything defines me, I can't erase my past, good and bad. I'm reliving my past in the new out shell that is Alex. Putting together the jigsaw of my life and this time the pieces fit. The thing was...the photo on the box never matched the jigsaw pieces...that's where it went wrong. Right jigsaw, wrong box.
Interesting questions, Kimberly.
The past, like life itself, is made up of pleasant moments and bad moments among others that are or seem inconsequential. The sum has been building us as we are in the present. I try to keep the good memories and the lessons I have been able to draw from the bad. There is no point in holding resentment and bitterness over unpleasant episodes because that affects me more than anyone who has hurt me. I feel relatively happy like this.
Managing someone who reappears from the past will depend on the relationship we had before and how much this person has changed. I certainly wouldn't open up right away. Maybe for me it wouldn't be so complicated because I haven't made a complete transition. I'm at a point where I feel comfortable with my life.
Gisela
Hi Kimberley, In answering your question may I assume you mean relative to ones life as the gender opposite their birth gender?
My answer to your various questions are offered assuming this is the focus of your queries.
". . . can we forget what happened in the past?" Unless something neurological happens to cause a broad amnesia I would think, no, we can't forget. Nor would one want to as there is much to be learned from the past that will aid in making better decisions in the now. However with that said one is to get past the past. Living there, in the past, possessed by it is unhealthy.
"does the past dictate who we are today?" Dictate is a strong word. The past will definitely influence who we are today, but it does not have to dictate who we are today. In the Bible, the Apostle Paul says in his letter to the Philippian church, "forgetting those things which are behind, I press toward the mark." Forgetting here does not mean a complete striking from memory, rather it means don't let the past dictate your now, press forward, the past notwithstanding.
The unpleasant past? See my thoughts just previous. Moving on from the unpleasant past may prove more difficult, but with help it doesn't have to be impossible.
Meeting someone from the past after transitioning who did not know you transitioned. I am sorry I can not answer this except by conjecture. My journey has not yet brought me to the transition stage.
Hope this helps and provides some answers.
Kindly
Charlene,
The way I see this...it depends on how you define "forgetting." I suspect that Kim is NOT talking about amnesia...but A) Dropping old psych. baggage...or B) Generally letting go of old ways and behavior patterns....and pretty much "living in present time." This sounds very healthy to me.
Of course, there are many today...who don't really WANT to let go of old historical junk....or aren't aware of the techniques which can be very effective in helping accomplish this. In fact, just recently, there were a couple of NPR radio stories about folks who were in bad shape over traumatic experiences from many years ago. Now, I was sympathetic to their plight...but SOMEONE should have "hipped" them to the fact that there was a pretty good chance that this "old stuff" could be resolved. i've seen this in TV and motion picture drama. WHO is "asleep at the switch" on this?!!! DAMN!!!
i'll add that some folks are also recommending psychoanalysis...which is TRULY "Old School!!" Many decades behind the times...in psychotherapy!!!
This can be tricky. There are many today...who don't really WANT to let go of old historical junk (old behavior patterns and complexes)....and there are others who are unaware of the techniques which can be effective in helping to resolve some of this content. In fact, just recently, there were a couple of NPR radio stories about folks who were in bad shape over traumatic experiences from MANY years ago. As it happens, I was sympathetic to their plight...but SOMEONE should have "hipped" them to the fact that there is a pretty good chance that this "old stuff" that has been "bedevilling" them could be resolved. I've seen this (very depressing, and very unhelpful) attitude in TV and motion picture drama many times. WHO is "asleep at the switch" on this?!!! DAMN!!!
I might add that some folks are also recommending psychoanalysis...which is VERY MUCH "Old School!!" Many decades behind the times...in the world of psychotherapy!!!
Hi girls,
Let me offer my perspective from two different experiences. I am an intersex trans woman who knew she was supposed to be a girl when she was only three years old. When I transitioned almost three years ago, to finally live as her, I announced it to my world and the place where I work. At my workplace I was welcomed and my arrival as a new woman was celebrated. Over the past few years a number of staff, all women, who had moved to different positions prior to my transitioning, returned. They came back expecting the same security supervisor they knew when they left. I had the pleasure of introducing them to the new supervisor, and their responses were almost identical. A big smile, tears, and then they wanted to give me a hug.
Now we discuss the other responses to my coming out as transgender and transitioning. Clubs I was a member in notified me that my presence might be uncomfortable. Many of my "friends" turned out to only be acquaintances, I was ghosted by most of them, and haven't heard a peep from them. There's been mostly silence from the people in the church I used to attend. And even my siblings and kids have declined to communicate.
So, yes, I have left that past behind, while welcoming those who have returned into my life at work, along with those true friends who are still there for me.
You do find out who your true friends are!
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
@reallylauren I think that sums it up Lauren. Those that truly know us...aren't surprised, my sister even said 'well I always knew that.' As you say acquaintances, mostly see the shell...so do they matter? You have always been you..and you still are...real friends and family see that. Those that put in the effort to adjust are precious.
His past is not my past. My life only commenced when I took my first Estrogen pill. His future ceased when I emerged and his ties to his life died along with most of his friends and his relatives.
My daughter summed it it like this. My father is dead. I have mourned him and he is gone. I don't know who you are and quite frankly I'm not really interested in finding out. You live your life, and I will live mine.
This for many of us is reality. It is however something I had no control over and it might be selfish but after a lifetime of denial, now is her time to shine. Don't die not knowing who or what you really are.
With respect to your daughter, that sounds kind've sad...tho I salute you for "being true to yourself"...and just getting on with your life. And, I'm inclined to think that the "sad-dest" aspect of this..is the fact of your daughter's being rigid and intolerant. One would hope that most of us have gotten over that kind of "old-school" rigid stance...and "M.O.!!"
I guess I could share with you that I have a Christian "Fundie" younger sister. I haven't shared any of my "new life," because I'm pretty sure it would just lead to conflict and bad feelings. I also make a point about not discussing religion with her, either. I keep it light, asking how the family is doing, and such (and how her work as an R.N. is going).
