Well, 2022 is already proving to be an interesting year! Challenging, definitely revealing, maybe life-changing. Last week, Haley was fortunate to have the opportunity to make a couple of public appearances, and in the middle of all that I had my annual with my long time PCP. I knew when I went that I wanted him to, and he needed to, become aware of Haley and how I am feeling. He definitely noticed my colorful (drab, but colorful as hell) outfit when I was coming down the hall, and he commented on my fit and slimmer appearance. Cursory stuff out of the way, including the part of the exam where he listened to my heart under my shirt, but on top of my sports bra, and he asked me “anything I should be aware of”? I asked him about his medical opinion of trans, binary, gender neutral people…and he proceeded to tell me about their son Chris, who was born a genetic female named Christine. Christine and Anna were already married and she supported his transition to Chris, and they recently adopted a baby. My doc explained to me that he had learned a lot through research when Chris revealed that he wanted to transition, and asked me if that was my direction…again mentioning my changed appearance (my weight, my skin, my total lack of body hair, etc.). I couldn’t say no, nor could I say yes, but he assured me that he would always be a resource for me and that he would support me medically in any way that he could. He asked about my family, suggested that we may want to seek some couples counseling, yet stopped short of just saying that we should “have the talk”. Well, after that appointment I realized that Haley has become so much more prevalent and vital, and we have started to “have the talk”. Taking it slowly in bite-sized pieces, but we are talking about how we both have changed and who I really am.
Here’s to 2022!
Haley
Haley.... OMG, that is so close to what i did.... My doctor asked me the same thing. I in turn asked him, "So, do you have any transgender patients?" He replied, "No". And I quickly came back with, "well, you do now. That is if you still want me as a patient". He said, "sure, no reason for you not to remain my patient".
And thus has begun and even better association with my doctor and his whole team. They were the first to change my name once if got legally changed. His nurse is so happy when I come in, and she wants to know every detail about how things are going. Just like two women everywhere do.
So, this again is another example of how maybe, just maybe, the outside world isn't as bad as we keep being told it is. Sure, there are bad actors out there. But maybe they are lurking in every storm drain, or around every corner.
Hugs and best wishes for a wonderful life. Michelle
Oh my gosh, thank you so much! Somebody on CDH asked me why, and all I could say was that I felt it was important. Maybe medically, certainly emotionally…I felt he needed to know before he stuck his stethoscope up under my shirt while I was wearing a sports bra. I’m 66, not ancient, but not young…and my decisions affect many, especially me. Trying to determine the line between selfish and necessary, revelation and living as I am…content yet aching at the same time.
So yes, I just hit him with it and we went from there…
Haley
Haley Ann:
When I first saw my GP, rheumatologist and vascular specialist after I relocated, I was not dressed in any way. After a few visits, I just showed up dressed. The GP’s staff got onto it first and have been very good in their responses to me. At first the GP did a slight double take, but never said anything untoward. My rheumatologist was very good. I gave her a copy of the yearly booklet that the trans organization, with which I used to be associated, produced that contained an article written by me. It was a recap of the 15 years preceding 2017 as I came to understand my gender identity. It was originally published in a UK magazine called TRANSLIVING and they allowed us to reprint it. She read it completely and we talked about it for a bit during my next visit. After presenting as DeeAnn the vascular guy he did some research between visits and he asked some questions the next time. I was open about telling him about how I viewed myself and that experience has also been good. What I have done to reinforce the situation and to improve accuracy, is that I often give the medical people a business card from one of the organization with which I am associated. The card have the correct spelling of DeeAnn. You would be surprised at the many variations!
The funny thing was that the first time I presented as DeeAnn to medical personnel, it was by accident. The office of my rheumatologist is about 25 minutes from my house. I had another appointment in the opposite direction. There wasn’t enough time between appointments to stop at home, de-glam and continue to the doctor’s appointment. Afterwards I realized that I should have done this all along. Interesting how Life presents situations to us.
Coming out to anyone can be a difficult experience. It probably feels even more difficult with medical people usually we don’t have close personal relationships with them. But, I do think it is useful to come out to them.
My thoughts exactly! I am fortunate to be very healthy, but the further down this road called life I travel the more I realize just how much we need each other. His knowing this about me can only help!
Haley
As a group, I think we often overlook the subtleties of the coming out process. I think we sort of get "blinded by the light", that is the light of the physical part of transition (assuming that is what we want/need to do). But, the problem is that there are all kinds of social situations that we are faced with that sort of smack us in the face. That's why I have advocated for a Social Transition forum here. The coming out process is one aspect, but also we must remember that women function VERY differently in society. The expectations are very different and for many it is very difficult to free ourselves from male privilege. This is not about what people think. It is about behaviors, and in order to bring about a shift in thinking. the behaviors need to be experienced.
When we think about it, coming out to medical personnel is a logical and significant thing to do, but often something keeps us from doing that. It could be a fear of repercussions and humiliation. It could be not knowing how to navigate the coming out process. Whatever it is, it shouldn't be allowed to hijack something that should happen.
Further, there is something else to consider. For those who will ultimately transition, wouldn't you rather know how things sit for the medical personnel that you are currently seeing BEFORE you get to actual transition? If you do need to make a change, wouldn't it be easier to do it with less pressure? Because we are dealing with uncharted waters, it probably isn't uncommon for situations to become much more immediate than they need to be...
I can’t say that I logically thought it through, but I just felt that it needed to happen, needed to be addressed. Those I have come out to have all offered me a different perspective, most good but one bad, but all valuable. His perspective as my PCP gave me confidence and reassurance that he supported me in that role. There are days when I feel as though I am being pulled over the edge of something, and I just wanting to be wearing my parachute if I go over!
Haley
When we do these things, it should help our mental state knowing that there have been MANY who have gone before us. However, this is tempered by the fact that every path is a bit different. There is no full set of instructions; there is no cookbook…
