Many have said that the wished that they discovered themselves at an earlier point in their lives and they rue the lost time. However, I don’t subscribe to that because what we don’t know is whether or not we were ready at that earlier time. I suspect that the answer is that they were not and some things had to happen before they got to that point.
I think there are 2 parts to this:
- Are we ready to make a change?
- Are we ready to deal with the possible consequences?
Each is a significant hurdle on its own.
Dear August Marie,
I feel exactly the same. The world is in such a horrible place right now and much of it can be traced to brazen macho behaviour. When I end up in 'male-mode', which is not very often - I feel depressed as hell. When I am Cheri I am calmer, more controlled, considered and happier.
Thank you darling
Cheri xx
Hi A. Marie, I am an intersex person and it took me a long time to find a balance between my selves. You can find more about me in my profile but long ago I realized that my old self was a part of me that would always be there. I think of it as a co-joined twin that is always with me and we've made peace and don't squabble. I have sometimes explained it as an old long time job that I don't do any more. I've now got an entirely new career but people may still talk and inquire about my old job. It doesn't bother me but does sometimes need an explanation (that was then and this is now). I have a history that's always there. It's not bad. Perhaps in order to know where you're going you've got to know where you've been. So, I'm not freaked when people use my legacy (dead) name, I just use it as a chance to educate. I have no magic switch to go from one side to the other but it's more like a fader that is constantly adjusting (mostly to the far feminine side) and that's been just fine with me. I hope this helps. Marg
So for real, the only reasons I say I wish I would have started earlier is because it seems to me that had I come out say in my teens or twenties, my family would have been more accepting of the change as compared to coming out now in my 50s. To come out now is going to be a real shock. To come out back then would have been a shock also; but it would make more sense to come out early; plus they would have had all of these years to adjust.
The other reason would be because I could have started to shape my body earlier and hopefully had some real change by now.
So yes, you're right about asking ourselves are we ready; it just seems it would have been more "convenient" per se to come out earlier. I was in denial myself so it was impossible back then. In a way, I suppose it would have been better for my benefit had I come out earlier than for theirs. That other side of that is it's probably been whispered behind my back all of these years anyway; so maybe either coming out now or then really has no difference to them accept for verification in the end. Had I been honest with myself, it could have made a difference maybe.
Hey Marge. Thanks so much for your comments. It's interesting that you're intersex. You're the second intersex person I've met recently. I didn't know anything about it before; so I find it a bit fascinating.
Yes, it does feel a bit like twins. My problem is they don't always get along well with each other. That's how I ended up being more asexual. Neither side really wants to cooperate when it comes to sex.
It's an interesting analogy comparing your other side to an old job. I can't say I'm there yet. In my current state of mind, I want to be all woman. What sucks is when I drop into a deep depression when I'm not feeling very womanly. Sometimes I think if I just got dressed and put on my makeup that I would come out of it; but sometimes it's so hard to find the energy. That's the depression side of it. I want to; but it's just not there. That's when it really sucks. I feel great inside when I'm a woman. I always smile; and I'm just so happy. It can be such a dark shadow inside when I'm feeling very male. It's amazing how people will react to you depending on the personality being presented. People are much more social with me when I'm feminine. They stay away when I'm masculine.
I haven't "come out" yet, and maybe that too is a condition of my depression. This is all stuff I need to examine more closely. I hope there's an answer somewhere.
Thanks Cheri luv. Hopefully together we can all be happier in the end. Glad to know we're sisters.
Hugsss
A. Marie
I completely understand. I am gender fluid but have come to accept my both genders so I don’t have trouble expressing as either. I do have major issues however when I am stuck between genders. I reach for a bra and a chain saw, figuratively speaking, and it really takes it toll on me so sometimes I have to just mix the two to stay sane.
Yea Jill, I should just get up and get dressed, and maybe everything would be ok; but some days it's just not in me. Some days it's like I just don't have the energy to put on my makeup and a skirt.
