Absolutely agree with you. Days I just don’t want to take the time to shave. I hate shaving! I am oh so tired of shaving. Thankfully, it’s just my face as everything else gets the rototiller(epilator). And those days where I want to paint my nails, shave, pick out an outfit suitable for the day, hair style for the day, do my eyebrows, it just never lets up, ever. I just take a deep breath and walk away frustrated.
Good question I’ve been Tony my whole life. Now Toni is so strongly present I feel so good when Toni is present I want to experience everything feminine ( maybe not the period) I’m getting older gonna be 69 this week fighting these feelings my whole life. Tired of fighting. Take care of yourself hugs
So true, so true. Shaving is a big hassle. Thank God I have no hair on my back. I'm trying to do the permanent laser hair removal. I bought one off of Amazon for like $70 - $80. It actually seems like it's working. I've been doing it on my upper legs and I can definitely tell a difference; and it's only been 2 weeks. Takes forever and stings like an sob sometimes; but if it'll do the job, I think it's worth it.
Good luck with that machine. I haven’t heard any positive about such devices but if it works, bonus. After five years of epilating, it has become quite simple to do a full once over with little pain. I have an attachment to do the face but fear keeps me from attempting it. Otherwise, I really do not have much hair at all to cleanup on my arms or legs thankfully.
Thank you for a fascinating discussion point and thanks to everyone who has provided their own experiences for those of us who are non-binary/genderfluid.
I started HRT with the expectation of undergoing the full MTF transition when I had the opportunity to dress full time. While I love skirts and dresses the weather isn't always amenable to those outfits. Which means I expanded my wardrobe to include leggings and slacks.
Eventually I came to appreciate that my male side was not going to disappear because yes, we are "Siamese twins" as far as my brain/body is concerned only we just share a single physical body. What I am wearing does not change who I am which is someone who sees things from both a male and female perspective.
If I were in your shoes I would find myself a therapist who will enable you to reach a peaceful coexistence with both of your personas. My own male persona now takes a backseat and allows Rowena to do the driving and she is a much better driver because she is less prone to "road rage". 🙄 In the same vein she is less irritable and more accommodating than my male persona.
I mention this because you don't have to be wearing a skirt in order to enable your feminine persona. If you enable her to be in charge of your life, even when wearing male clothes, she will help you to accept the part of yourself that will always be there because you were born trans. This is who we are, each unique in our own special way and fortunate enough to be able to actually walk in the shoes of the other gender.
Kind regards, Rowena 👩🦳
Hi, I've read all the replies and it's interesting how similar the experiences are. Mine is classic. Knew I was different as a kid. Began crossdresing as a teen. I wanted to be a girl but didn't think I was trans. It was the 70s after all.
Decided I was a crossdresser and stayed in denial even though looking back I was clearly trans. Pursued the male life. A typical tale.
Anyway eventually I accepted myself as trans but was still conflicted. The duality. How could I call myself trans when I had typical male interests? Meanwhile I was ignoring my female 'side' and the fact that I think and behave in a typical female way. Something friends noticed about me and commented on even though I felt I was hiding it brilliantly.
So it seems there was a male side and a female side and they seemed to conflict.
So how to deal with it?
I eventually realised something. There are no sides.
I'm a woman.
That's it. Sure I was born a boy and had testosterone change my body. Certainly I tried to fit in as a man. I have interests that are more typically male. But that's just stereotyping. I know plenty of women who have similar interests, particularly these days.
I'm just a trans woman. Not gender fluid and no non binary. No 'they'. I'm a she.
I didn't choose to be female. I'm simply a woman. Once I realised this truth. It was like a weight was lifted.
No disrespect to those of us who see themselves as gender fluid or non binary or have male and female sides. We must all find our own way. I was there not so long ago.
But there's no sides for me. I am but one person and she's a woman.
I don't have a male persona.
That's how I deal with it.
Wow, thank you so much. I really wish I could be so bold and confident to approach it like that and forget about the male side. It's really not that easy for me. My job is more male based (remodeling) so i still need to revert back to presenting myself as male during the days. But the other point of it is, I can't control when the male or female sides take control. It can be day to day, hour to hour, or whatever. How I know is that my likes and dislikes, my urges, and my way of thinking all change depending on the personality thats present. It's definitely like a left side/right side split. I want to say it's two different people, but it's all the same body. Right now, I'm more interested in pursuing the female side; but that pesky male side still creeps up now and then. And I hate the depression associated with it.
Thanks again for your comments.
A. Marie
You know Rowena, you are so right. I'm so glad I brought this up since it really shows me that I'm not alone in what I feel. I'm normally a very shy person.
I can completely relate to the "siamese twins" thing. That's basically how it feels, two people, same body. But, I'm not going to say that August isn't prone to a little road rage too lol. I have been trying to let August have the control lately. Even dressed as a man, I still feel feminine inside. But, it's those pesky times when August is sleeping or something that things go downhill and I get locked up in the male persona.
Therapy is a good direction to go; but I'm just so introverted and shy that it's very hard for me to make those steps. In that respect, I'd really like somebody to hold my hand and lead me there; but I know I have to do this on my own.
Thanks again Rowena,
hugs,
A. Marie
