A lot of the time when I contemplate the idea of going to therapy, I dead end with this idea that no matter what, I am not going to be honest with them. I believe I have created some really bad habits about how I read the room. Even now, writing this post, I am not feeling that I am being honest with who I am or why I am here. I could tell you anything and you would just have to believe me or you don't. Not that I am trying to say, you may not want know me. Or even engage in a conversation with me. Cause honestly, I have set myself up for this journey of self exploration to figure out who I really am. Though I believe that is next to impossible at this time. If this is the community I hope it is, then there is likely a few of you that understand exactly what I am saying. So I would hope is you reply, your give me challenging questions to peel this onion or you tell me how you relate by exposing a truthful lie that you live with.
Thank you for reading!
I could have written that, if I was articulate enough. I cannot even discuss it with you. It's so odd almost everything you say is what I think. But it's my 16 year old son, yes he's wise beyond his years who realised that nothing he thought is new. So it is with us.
Existential doubts are inherent to being human, and for some of us, they seem more complicated. "Who am I?" was a question I asked myself very early on, and the answer often varied. For a few years, I felt as if I were acting in a character I had created or invented myself, and at times, I felt like a ghost. However, I was obviously not an illusion. I was real. I was alive and well. The answers began to appear, and chances are I still don't have all of them. One day, with support and help, I began to accept myself and draw up a life plan that works for me, given my circumstances and characteristics. Each journey has its own unique challenges, with similarities and differences from the journeys of others. These are answers that each person must arrive at. It requires a lot of honesty. Resolving these doubts is not usually easy. Professional guidance is often very helpful. To me join CDH and TGH was a life changing experience.
Gisela
Again Gisela, I can only agree. I eventually accepted myself back in the early 2000s. Thanks in part to another almost defunct trans website. It still exists but there's only three of us left online. Yes a three person forum. No you're not invited
But I went from doubting myself to accepting that I'm trans.
That was a pivotal moment.
So of course I rejected it and decided to end my life because I knew I'd never be able to transition. For all the obvious family reasons and the practical realities.
That's sounds dramatic but it wasn't, rather it was inevitable. Quite literally I knew where and when.
I had nowhere to turn. My life had failed on any level. I could explain in depth but there's no point.
It didn't happen thanks to a certain woman who saved me but who to this day doesn't realise what she accidentally did and produced two wonderful boys.
She sleeps beside me now as I sit here. I may never transition but she saved me.
