I don't know where else to post this or if it'd get taken down or sometihng,i just don't know where else to post this.
I hate my body,i hate my life,i wish i was dead,in all honesty if i had a gun i would just shoot myself rn beause i can't take it anymore.Everyone hates me,my so called "Friends" on Discord hate me now and don't want to talk to em,i'm all f*cking alone and i can't take it anymore.The dyspohria has also become overbearing and i don't think i can take it anymore,especially in my current situation.Sometimes i just wish i had cancer or some deadly disease that would kill me because i simply cann't take it anymore.I wish i was dead.i don't want to live anymore,I want the pain to and as soon as possible and stuff...
Sadly, there isn’t much that we can do at this distance. Precious few of us have backgrounds in psychology or psychiatry anyway. But, you are not the first and painfully you won’t be the last to have these feelings in our community. Anyway, I did a search and it turned up some possibilities for help.
The search string was:
barbados transgender suicide prevention hot line
What looked potentially useful are, but please do further searching:
https://www.therapyroute.com/article/suicide-hotlines-and-crisis-lines-in-barbados
I appreciate this info you've given and i appreciate your kind words too.Thank you so so much
Sound like you need this...
I am no shrink but I know what you are feeling, I have been there, all the self loathing just about killed me, it is no fun place to be in. Took me a few years to put myself back together and taking my route was not fun. I decided to trudge if you are curious, meaning I went to drown myself working, did six months of 16+hr days 7 days a week, half heavy construction, half at my regular job, it was delightfully exhausting. But it only delayed things and put a realization in my brain that things could be worse, at least I wasn't digging open raw sewer ditches by hand or something. I still did 60-80hr work weeks for a couple years to help drown out the brain but things got a bit better the more I lived with it. For me my healing came in phases, about a year or so into my trudging me and Hecate (yes old Primordial Goddess) found one another, she actually helped my dysphoria a ton, she made me start to accept that I was not a monster or crazy. About three more years I found a reinvent your life by Jillz on YouTube.
Made another huge difference, so I have made/started a complete life change journal and am following it as best I can. I am not perfect by any means but I would say compared to how I was back in 2018 compared to how I am now, I have improved 1000% or more, now I was at that suicide point so really not as cool as it sounds.
Either way, hang in there things will get better, might take a half a decade like it did for me but you might get lucky and it only take you a year or less.
Miriya
I'm sure I could saw lot's of wonderful and flowery things, but none of them are going to fix things right this minute. Miriya and DeeAnn posted some very good things that can start helping you get back on a better path, to where you can deal with things with clearer thinking and emotions. I did some checking, and while I don't know where on Barbados you are, please get hold of the links that DeeAnn provided, and add SHE Barbados ( https://shebarbados.org/), Butterfly Barbados ( https://www.butterflybarbados.com/), and Pride Barbados ( https://www.instagram.com/pridebarbados/). Just to be able to talk and connect with others in your area will bring you some joy and peace. We have all walked your path, to some degree worse, to some degree better. But never give up; for if you do, then you will most assuredly will have lost, and they will have won. And you are a far better person to allow that. The biggest of hugs..... Michelle
Thank you so much for posting these things 🙂 I know i am a little bit late due to some offline issues i had to sort out but i am happy that you have replied to it and included some really valuable info ^^ Thank you very much
Hey Winterfrost
I joined after your original post (I've only been a member for just under two weeks) but now you've replied it's popped up again in the feed.
I've just read it through, and like everyone else I'm worried about you 🙁
You wrote it on October 4th ... has anything improved since then? Are you feeling any better?
Just want to know that you're okay 🙂
Sending you warm hugs
Ellie x
You really need to follow up with the links to help provided here. Stay strong and fight your way to a better place knowing there are many of us who have been exactly where you are, got help, and now know we deserve to be happy and accepted and treated as an equal. Things will get better when you start getting help. Of course you always have friends here too. Hugs, Jillleanne
