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I gave back,helped out an employee of mine

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Posts: 20
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(@adriannab)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Michigan
Joined: 5 years ago

I gave back,helped out an employee of mine.I saw he was struggling last month and came into my office one day.Does know I'm a fulltime CD,finally told me he is bigender asking me on coming out.Married with 2 sons and a family,I  told  him think it over.He did,told his family he is bigender wanting to live and dress as a woman fulltime.His family,accepted it.His wife and 2 sons,struggled with it at first,working things out which is going good.Comes to work as Lynn next week.

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Posts: 718
(@cloe-anne-webb)
Honorable Member     United States of America, Virginia, Fairfax
Joined: 6 years ago

What a wonderful thing to have the ability to do this fro someone else.  I can imagine loss of income would be a major fear both him and his spouse.  Knowing for certain that you have bosses support should alleviate those fears, but from experience of having an LGBTQ boss it remains a concern day to day and far more than just worrying if you're doing your best at the job.  It's just as much about the backup plan if things do turn sour.  Loss of privilege is real so fear of eroding income potential is present on top of employment access as a transgender person.  In retrospect I should have been in my bosses office weekly doing check ins the first.

Cloe

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Posts: 20
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Topic starter
(@adriannab)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Michigan
Joined: 5 years ago

Good news is Lynn  is  much happier,I spent time with her yesterday.Her male wardrobe is gone,went good bye yesterday.My wife did have a talk with her wife on it yesterday,told  her Lynn  is  much happier and the same person still.Lynn's 2 sons,doing better,they are 14 and 16.

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Posts: 1831
Ambassador
(@flatlander48)
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 5 years ago

Years ago, when my kids were young (now 44 and 38) I learned something about giving advice. If it doesn’t work out, you become the source of an excuse. So, since that time, I rarely give advice but I will suggest things to consider, what I see as important and why, pass on my personal experiences and what I thought and what I have observed.

Whenever the topic of coming out is raised, I remind folks that you don’t come out in a vacuum. Beyond your life, there are the lives of those close to you, your work life and how it may or may not effect your situation and your housing circumstances. All these factors play out differently for different people, but the key is conscious thought. Make the decision that needs to be made, but know that there are consequences for everything that we do or do not do. Conscious thought becomes the foundation of how we strategize going forward and helps to defend against crap that can happen.

Further, we know that coming out is a process. An important element of that is what’s called the narrative, or our story. It is MUCH better for each of us to control our own narrative. We need to tell our story, in our own way. When you lose the narrative, and allow someone to speak for you, who knows how that will turn out. It can become something more like gossip and that doesn’t do anyone any good.

I came out as a transgender person in October of 2015 to a total of just over 200 people. The full story is in my introductory message. I would not recommend what I did to anyone else, but it did suit me at the time. However, I made a point to tell my kids, some close friends and my then department manager, personally. I wanted them to hear me and here my words. If they had any questions, they could ask me directly. The important part of this is that it is one way that we can combat misinformation. I’ve alway felt that in the absence of information, people make up their own and that is the last thing that you want to happen...

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