It has been interesting to watch what is happening with the world's viewpoint and attitude towards members of the LGBQTI2S community. Where I reside has been called one of the safest places in my country for trans people. But with all the stuff going on in the States, the UK and other parts of Europe, where our right to even exist is questioned, there's been a noticeable change in how we are seen. It was quite easy to blend in, and still is relatively easy if you pass reasonably well. With all the anti trans cr*p in the media making it into the news, what's happening now is average citizens, who never even paid attention to us, now look around to see if they can "spot a tranny."
In my personal case, I have often worn a small pin that simply says "Intersex Pride". With the arrival of Pride Month, I noticed a distinct difference in how people reacted to me when on the bus to and from work and while in various stores or out to eat.
So, no more pin, no more announcing that I am trans and intersex. The ladies at work, church, and those i ride the bus with, all view me as a lady, a woman, so I know I pass as one.
To all my girlfriends here on TGH, I just want to live my life as the woman that I am, an intersex female. No announcing myself as being unique or special anymore, just living, as a woman.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
@reallylauren I too live in country where >95% of the population are accepting and to the large extent allow us to pass bye without a glance. I do have concerns however when I see antiitrans influencers (and they are on the inrease) bombarding the general public with hate speech. IMO education is the key, so if I feel in a semi safe space I will encourage and be open to others allowing them to ask questions and get to know a transperson.
@reallylauren There is a time to step out of the front line, I totally understand and agree. There is little to be gained by encouraging criticism on a day to day basis, and frankly it is too painful to take that attention.
i do feel it is a backlash against an over zealous Trans drive...don't get me wrong, I agree with the motives and objectives, just the pace was a little too fast. I believe it will all calm down again though.
The whole point of transition is to live and work as a woman, there is a point when the label 'trans' stops that from being fully realised. I will support political progress and march in Pride Rallies but on the bus or in a supermarket, I don't wear a badge...of any kind. I'm me, no label required.
Alex
@reallylauren Hi Lauren. Could it be that, as it was pride month it was just a bit more prominent in peoples minds? I went out in the wild so to speak for the first time last weekend & didn't have any problems. You are right though, there is a lot more recognition on social media these days, I recently saw one from a you tuber who was flouncing around in a shopping mall loudly shouting "Dahhhhling" at random passers by. With behaviour like that it's no surprise that people are a bit off with our community. Sadly we are all being tarred with the same brush & it's irritating that people like that are making life difficult for those of us who just want to be.
OK, rant over. Don't let them get you down.
X
Sasha
@reallylauren Good for you Lauren. I admire you. I too do not, any longer, advertise right or wrong my gift to society. I shop, dine, travel as I wish with no fan fare and I prefer it that way. Selfish? Maybe, but it’s my life and I’ll live it the way I see fit, period.
I live in the southeast region of the United States, what was known as the Bible Belt, possibly one of the most conservative areas of the country there is. Yet, I've found that over the past years, tolerance for the LGBTQ+ has improved greatly. Where once I would have been targeted, to put it mildly, now I and a trans friend go around town, out to nice restaurants, shopping downtown, with little more than a very occasional 2nd glance. We dress nicely, sometimes too nice (women don't really dress up any more) and have a good time. Except when I'm building something outside again (I swear, this is the last major project) where I have to work like a man, I live my life as Jennifer. I go grocery shopping, to Lowes for more materials, the bank, Tractor Supply, whatever, and I've never had any issues. Although I'm in feminine mode, I don't go wearing pins (except for my little guardian angel on my shoulder) or any advertisements. I realize that just as I have to adjust to my new life, others have to have time to adjust also. There's no purpose in advertising who we are, it has a tendency to make people feel like we're rubbing it into their faces. I just go about my business, same as anyone else, and people treat me the same as anyone else. They don't go around wearing "Heterosexual Pride" pins, or "Straight Pride" pins, if we don't want to be looked at, or treated differently, they we can't be acting or displaying differently. As you say, we're not unique, we're not special, all we are, all we want to be, is just be ourselves like everyone else. If we do that, we just go with the flow, and as long as we do that, for the most part, no one cares.
Hugs,
Jennifer
@reallylauren Hi,Lauren. I suppose I am somewhat in the same boat as you. Although I have twice marched in a local "Pride" parade (and may do so again), I am not "loud and proud" in my being trans - no pins, no "hey I'm trans" clothing. I live here in southern California as a woman, 24/7. My license and other legal documents, my credit cards, my accounts all say I am "Dana" and "female." That is who I am and how I present. The world around me seems - so far (knock on wood) - to be accepting. I don't kid myself about "passing" 100%, and I am sure my personal "Karen" (or "Karl") is lurking out there somewhere. But so far, so good, as I navigate my way toward my bottom surgery (April 2025, yay!!!!).
Lauren,
I enjoy living as a woman - just as a woman. At home at least. When I'm out, I'm not yet skilled enough to fully dress. I would love to live 24/7 as a woman AND transition as much as I can afford to.
Dani
@reallylauren goof for you Lauren. I have regressed to some degree due to the mindsets over the past two years but I refuse to let it stop me from being my true self. Those that know me have not changed their opinion of me. I guess I’m just more careful where a go and when. Fortunately, my partner is usually with me so having two people helps provide a little safety. After awhile, it all just became exhausting for me so I just live as the woman I am, albeit, more causiously. The church crowd are the biggest bigots I run into sadly they will smile and chat with me, and then chat among themselves about me. Oh well, sucks to be them.
I am glad for you, Lauren. You deserve the right to live as the woman you are.
Gisela
I'm so happy for you! That is my end goal to pass as a woman but knowing I am not 100% the same as a biological woman.
Thanks for posting this Lauren. I do much of the same as you and Alex do and I think many women do the same also. As you know, I'm intersex too but only advertise it at certain times like wearing a pin or monogramed clothing at Pride events. I'm dressed every day and just go about my business like everyone else usually blending in. I think that it's similar to when I adjust my cleavage or wear an evening gown or jeans. I can choose to make a very outward sign regarding what I might want to share with the world or not. I try to be very careful as to what I wear publicly but I also want to have fun and be myself. Lately though, I am very watchful since I also detect an increase in craziness in the world and it is easy to have a problem. Stay safe everyone. Marg
Wow. Maybe just people absolutely don’t think before they form opinions? I was once told by a coworker that she objected to a pride celebration at her kids school because “they are too young to be exposed to that”. And I said, “how old does a child have to be to be taught tolerance?”. It’s sad to refer to a group of fellow human beings as a “that”.
In the 6-9 months so far that I've recognized I am not a CD, but rather trans woman, it's become easier to dress, and now I can step out on a very modest scale. I think my biggest obstacle is that I'm fat (205). After retiring from teaching I still wanted to milk out a couple more years before claiming SSI, so I drove long-haul truck. Yes, I gained 30 pounds, so it is hard for me to look nice at least for a few more months as Dani continues to grow into better self-care.
Dani
Hi Lauren- I had this very discussion with my therapist last week. Since going full-time in May, I’m never once been misgendered and completely and easily live as a woman no matter where I go. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about that as I know there are lots of trans women who don’t get to experience that.. or for whom being trans is a big part of their identity. That’s just not me.
From friends, and family - those who knew me before — I get love and acceptance. But from the general public I get unqualified affirmation. Which gives me great joy. And after 50+ years of NOT acknowledging the life of joy out of fear… I’m not going to turn away from it again.
Love,
Frankie
Fantastic… lovely to hear about your journey. And more than a bit envious. I’m a woman at home and with some friends. If it could be a reality to live as a woman fully I would do it tomorrow. I’ve a few years to retire… I need to be patient. The time for full self care and affirmation will come.
