I thought I would share my experiences of transitioning MTF (male to female)
Some useful tips: some I found and did...some I wish I had done earlier. You have found TGH that is step one.
The most important part of transitioning is planning.
I came 'out' as the woman I am inside, 4yrs ago. I have lived everyday as a woman since. I have had SRS (sex reassignment surgery) top (boobs), bottom (you know) and voice.
Everything here is my personal experience. That is the most important tip. Learn from those that have done it, and professional medical persons who know what they are talking about.
When you decide to tell the world you are a trans woman, remember, once you say it out loud...you can't unsay it. Choose your time careful.
Most people I have know wanted to get onto HRT (hormone replacement therapy) ASAP... that is natural, the magic tablets will do all the work! Well sorry they don't, it is a slow process (up to 5yrs) HRT will make a huge difference but there is a lot more too it than that.
Getting onto HRT (depending where you live in the world) you need a doctor, as they are prescription only. The first thing you have to do, is convince your doctor that you mean it and you know what you need to do.
'I can't do anything until I'm on HRT!' I hear people say. That couldn't be more wrong.
Firstly...and yes firstly. Facial hair, your beard. HRT will not remove it and trust me walking around in a dress, wig and a beard is not a good look.
If you still have a dark beard (lucky you) book Laser hair removal at a Salon now. This can be around 6 sessions, usually one a month. Laser is the quickest and least painful option. It's not cheap but it's a lot less than electrolysis, which typically takes 2yrs.
The salon will test you and give you full instructions. If you lose your beard before you come out, no-one will really notice. I wish I had done that first!
Laser will not remove blonde or grey hairs...time is ticking! Electrolysis is the only approved answer for those.
Lots more if anyone is interested?
TIP 2: Is 'passing' (being perceived as a women in the street) important to you?
(I'm still deciding how best to lay out these updates.)
Everyone is different: At the outset it is most likely you want to live as a woman, dress as a woman, look like a woman; you may want to sound like a woman too?
Feminising your Voice is TIP 2
It is fair to say it takes at least a year to feminise your voice. Like a beard the thing next likely to show your male body is to speak like a man. In my opinion, it is the most important gender signal of all. As soon as you open your mouth your gender is clear. On the phone it is 100% how your gender will be determined.
To pass in public you have to feminise your voice: being misgendered is inevitable if you don't.
So start on that ASAP!
There are many ways to begin: online tutorials and lessons are free much of the time and that is a good place to start. It's also private, no-one need know you are doing it.
I wrote an article on this here at TGH if you want my story.
Lets debunk some myths:
HRT will not change your voice. Testosterone changed the shape of your throat and vocal chords during puberty, that is non reversible.
Surgery can lift the pitch of your voice but cannot alter your lynx ( the chamber in your throat that resonates sound, is bigger in males)
Pitch alone will not make you sound like a woman: it is a big help but isn't the major factor. Many woman have deep voices.
Surgery is the last option not the first. Experience and data shows if you 'feminise' your voice with voice coaching you may not need surgery. If you do need surgery it will be the cherry on the cake for your voice.
There are 9 major elements of the female voice, pitch is only one.
You may get lucky with surgery and you may not. Find out before you book surgery.
Now these voice lessons are hard work, not cheap, and I strongly suggest a one to one voice therapist rather than free Youtube tutorials. It is the first step...but not the answer for most people, I would say a course of 12, 1hr sessions is the standard program.
Add this to hair removal and you are well on the way to passing'
Alex
Tip 3: Body Shaping. Looking like the women you dream of, takes a lot of work!
We have to take an Apple body shape (chest and waist) and turn it into a Pear shape (narrow waist and wide hips/thighs). Hmm that sounds difficult.
It takes time...a lot of it. Starting early is going to make a huge difference to your transition. If you are slim anyway...you can skip this bit.
I thought I was pretty good, BMI ( body Mass Indicator) was in the green...ish. I few pounds overweight but hey looked ok. Well for a male yes, typical barrel (Apple shape) body. Well that needs to change to small waist torso and curvy hips.
How?
What I was looking for was was to ditch the fat and not create muscle. In fact much of that muscle has to go, so no gym!
If you are just starting out...or thinking of transitioning I suggest you get your body in shape now! Estradiol and Testosterone blockers (HRT) will reduce your muscle mass but they won't reduce body fat. Also the last thing I wanted was to turn muscle into fat: which it does by the way.
There are so many claimed ways to lose weight. It depends on age, genetics and lifestyle. Body fat (that stubborn belly fat) gets harder to shift as you age. Over 50 it gets even harder. But anyone can do it.
The diet that has worked best for me is a reduction in food volume and reduced carbs.and sugar.
I make cauliflower rice instead of ordinary rice, potato, pasta and bread. It is easy to make (or buy though not as nice) It tastes ok it really does. I eat it most days.
Also it is a power-food...check it out.
I should have started this weight reduction 6months before I came out...but I didn't. and I regret it.
Note to self: most of the women's clothes I bought in the first 6months are now far too big. Wasted money.
Take photos of yourself at the start. When you look back you will see how far you have come. Believe your tape measure, it doesn't lie. Believe your scales and believe the mirror. When my gender dysphoria kicks in, I look back at those photos and think...really! You will be surprised how much you change...even if most days it feels like you aren't getting anywhere.
One other thing, lose the weight before your bust grows on HRT. Losing weight after that, that precious cup size reduces depressingly on a diet.
Myth buster: it isn't possible to lose weight from specific areas of your body. Lose it everywhere then, hopefully, hormones will put it where you want it! No guarantees on that one though...sorry.
Golden tip: don't go on starvation diets. I gave myself an eating disorder by being stupid early on. I still have a problem if I don't watch how I eat. I've learned my lesson.
Controlled loss works best.
Alex
@alexl thank you so much Alex! This is so helpful, I’m at the starting point of transitioning and this is so helpful.
@alexl Hi Alx,
I'm 76, came out at 75, and am currently going thru electrolysis on my face. As you say, laser won't work on grey, or lighter hair, and of course by now I'm much too grey. I have a friend who is much younger, had laser done at 25, and it went much faster, less expensive, and less painful than electrolysis, so I agree, start with the face, and get it done as soon as possible. I've found that eliminating facial hair has more than a physical effect too. As my face has gotten smoother, I'm currently down to the jaw line, the smooth feeling, the lack of a late evening shadow to worry about, the simplified makeup routine, makes me FEEL more feminine. Soon, I will no longer have to shave at all, which will be great. I wish I had done this way earlier, believe me, laser is far more pleasant than electrocute and pull, but life is what it is. It's irreversible, a commitment to your journey, but like you say, no one will notice should you not be quite ready to come out yet. Then, when you are ready, you will be so much more ready, feeling so much more feminine.
Hugs,
Jennifer
@jenniferr Everything you say is right Jennifer. Lose the beard ASAP that is such a big help. Glad to hear you are almost rid of the stubble lol. It's the must have thing for my feminisation and to feel good about myself too. Thanks for the reply, and for sharing your experiences!
Alex
@jenniferr ABSOLUTELY true about laser hair treatment. I've found it very effective on dark hairs (and my legs and torso are close to 100% smooth now), but on gray ones, no soap!!...and I'm definitely getting tired of facial shaving!!
Not sure if this is the place to leave this...but I'd like to say that...a little way along...when you've been on HRT for years, and are about to get surgical procedures, remember the magical phrase "Gender Dysphoria." I'd gone through 3 years of HRT, and had two surgical consults (and seemed to be getting "all green lights," and my insurance (MediCare) balked at getting my chest done (even though I'd had several years of counseling and a referral letter to my surgeon, etc.). YIKES!!
It was the damnest thing (and--at this point--pretty humorous), because the agent gave me this bad news...and kinda mumbled, "It might be different if this were a case of gender dysphoria or something like that." I took a deep breath, than burst out, in reply, "Hmm, WTH (didn't actually use those words!!), do you think I'm talking about?!!" INSTANTLY everything changed...and--in a couple of minutes--I got the "go-ahead!!" I guess this also speaks to "perseverance," because the next "hold-up" was from the surgeon's staff, who gave me this very vague message about my "secondary" insurance ("MediCal") having refused me.
I had to call several times to FINALLY get a supervisor, then INSIST she give me an exact explanation. Turned out all was set, except that the hospital would not agree until I had very clear acceptance by MediCal.
So I called MediCal (California's version of MediCaid), and I guess I "lucked out," because I got this very competent (and sympathetic agent) who suggested I hold-on, while he got the surgeon's people on the phone...and gave them a very unequivocal, "Yes, we'll cover any extra charges not covered by the patient's 'primary' (insurance)!!
I'm guessing that some folks give up by this point, and you DO-sometimes--have to be TERRIBLY focused, motivated and persistent!!
. 
@alexl Facial hair removal: I'm 59 and not on HRT yet. I'm confused as to whether to spend what to me is a lot of money. Advice from salons was "go to laser first" from an electrolysist, then "8 sessions for £500" from the laser salon. However, she didn't test my face.
My facial hairs are largely grey or white.
- Is the expense of laser worth it for me at my age now, as I suspect it will remove only a small proportion?
- Why did the electrolysist tell me to get laser treatment first?
@airlane1979 Hi Rebecca. When I went for laser: chin and top lip, it was £90 per session and 6 sessions. So that price is about average: depends where you live of course. You say mostly grey/white...look at it this way, electrolysis is about £70ph and that will remove about *150 hairs (also many grow back, they need more than one treatment usually)
Also Electrolysis hurts, make no bones about it. Also you have scabbing for a few days afterwards. If laser removes 20% you are better off starting there. The average face/neck has 25,000 hairs. You do the math.
* depends on the speed of your technician
A one hour session is the usual limit for electrolysis, depends on your pain threshold and your techs eye sight. Some people can deal with the pain, others can't. Only one way to find out.
@alexl Thanks for that information. Do you think, therefore, that I should not go for the whole-face deal but try, say, chin and top lip and see how effective that is? If I still have to shave every day, as now, then I'm not sure any treatment is cost-effective.
Is a home IPL device worth considering instead? It would be cheaper and I could use it all over my body.
@airlane1979 Most people seem to suggest top lip first...as it is considered the most unpleasant for electrolysis. So if you can laser it...that is a help.
Home IPL is not recommended for male faces. Mainly as the hairs are too strong for the low powered hand IPL's. In my experience, and I have 2 good home IPL's...they just don't work on the face.
@alexl Hmmm, I'm still confused! I've searched online and several trans femme blogs and sites suggest home IPL as a fairly successful option. Just like with laser, it depends on having dark hair and pale skin, which at least is true of my body hair, less so for my face. It does seem that if I paid £500 for a laser treatment for my face, I'd still end up needing to shave at least part of it, so why would I want to spend that money? I am considering the Ulike Air3 IPL device which costs about £110 online (£250 at Boots stores) which is little more than one laser session.
@airlane1979 You must do what you think. I am just saying what I found personally over a 2year period. I have Philips IPL 8000 (£300) Philips say: up to a year without hair regrowth (not permanent) and when I read deeper, it isn't powerful enough for facial (M) hair.
I totally understand your needs and all I can suggest is that you try it. They do work on other parts of the body. You may be different to me.
The point of this article is to start ASAP. What you do, is something you need to decide for yourself.
Alex
Thanks for sharing Alex. That's some good advice and they are so much more to transitioning then taking the magic pill. I've learned to slow down and educate yourself on as much as you can about transitioning. Things take time and if you take things one step at a time it's not so overwhelming. Great advice on facial hair removal. I wish I started the process earlier.
@kimberlyshaw Thank-you Kimberly...you know what, I can almost guarantee most in transition will wish they had too!
Absolutely correct Alex! I got full-body laser before the pandemic. But at the time I was still identifying as NB/GF, and didn't touch my face. Now I wish I had done that too. There's too much gray for laser so I have to do the torture of electrolysis. I've done one full pass, but I'll need at least two more.
/LK
@emilyalt I'm hoping a few will read this Liz and save themselves a lot of bother later. thanks for the reply!
Alex
True that Alex. Electrolysis has been one of the biggest downsides to transitioning later in life.
Liz xx
Thanks Alex for the really nice article of sage advice. Sharing your personal experiences will really help others. You're so right about the electrolysis. I still go about once every 2 months for my blonde stragglers. They are like nasty weeds in a usually perfect garden. lol Hugs, Marg
Why thank-you Marg! I learned the hard way haha...as so many of us have. Yes Electrolysis isn't a one pass operation, as we now know. Get what you can with laser as soon as possible I think.
Alex
If I dye my blond and gray beard hair black, will that fool the laser?
@bobbiann929 Sorry to say Bobbi...no. Hair dyes don't go below skin level and the roots are about 1/4"-5mm or more below the skin. The laser light has to travel down the dark pigment to the root, if it isn't dark it can't get there. So sadly it doesn't work.
Alex
I'm thinking about laser, it's expensive and i have some grey hair. Luckily, not much facial hair. does anyone know, could i just get a small area done? (Under my nose?) I don't want to do it all but those few hairs there do drive me nuts.... Thanks Becki
@rebecaa331 Hi Rebecca,
The woman who does my electrolysis says that much of her business is, let's say mature, women getting their upper lips done. It's not that unusual after they have gone thru the change. Of course, another large part of her business is people like me.
Hugs,
Jennifer
@rebecaa331 With the understanding that laser isn't effective with gray hairs, I'm not sure why you say that laser is expensive. I picked up my own IPL device a few years ago (for under $200), and it's good for something like 300.000 bursts of light (will probably last me another 
ten years--EASILY!). That seemed pretty reasonable to me.
Hi Rebecca. Your top lip can be done with laser yes. In fact if you pick up a price list from a Salon you think will be you choice, they will list what they offer. Top lip for ladies/trans is a common one. The grey ones are electrolysis. you can just have one hair done if you wish! 30mins is the usual shortest appointment though.
Hope that helps
Alex
Thank you, Alex, very much for the information very helpful
Barbra
