My wife asked me the subject question over the weekend. I said “no” without thinking. But the answer is far more complicated and “sometimes” would have probably been a better answer.
I’ve never been a manly man. I’ve always fit in better with girls/women. The conversations, the mannerisms, the behaviors have always just felt more natural.
I have memories back to before 4th grade of not liking my man parts, but those feelings come and go over the years. I crossdress frequently wearing bras and panties most days even under my male clothing, but certainly never “passable”. I always say if I have a choice I’m going to come back in my next life as a woman.
When I’m out and about or watching TV I frequently find myself thinking “cute outfit” or “I wish I could wear that”. Speaking of watching TV, I tend to prefer typically “feminine” shows and movies.
Were it not for my wife I would probably further pursue the question of whether I want to or could transition.
Such a simple question from my wife and such a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings behind the answer. The immediate “no” was more of a “I don’t want to talk about this right now” than a real “no way”.
Sorry for the long diatribe for my first post. It just flowed out.
Hi Jessica,
I came out to my wife a month before our 40th anniversary. She asked me the same question then and I said I didn't and I wasn't gay or bi or anything. I enjoyed crossdressing and feeling like a woman but I didn't want to live as one I didn't think.
After a few months of therapy she again asked me and then I said I wasn't sure, but I always wanted to have my own breasts and feel like a woman. I learned I have gender dysphoria (have had mosyt of my life I think) and the only way to feel like a whole person is to pursue HRT and transition (partially - I still don't think I want GRS).
So here I am today, on estradiol and feeling a few small changes starting to happen. My wife is terrified and isn't sure she can love or live with a transwoman. I rarely underdress - if it can't be fully en femme, I'd just as soon not wear anything. I plan to go FT in Jan 2023, though.
Thanks for sharing - it is a complicated answer and we all are going to be in a unique place.
Hugs,
Brie
I've had the same conversation with my wife many times.
Jessica:
I think MANY people have a very simplistic view of gender and how it works. That makes the answer to the question much more complicated than a plain Yes or No, Black or White. There are many shades of grey. It can be hard to envision the fact that genitalia does not define our gender identity. Unfortunately too many are steeped in the gender binary and that’s where their thinking is stuck…
Jessica:
It occurred to me that I didn’t describe my own situation. It is different from many here.
I am fortunate in that I have not experienced dysphoria to any sort of quantifiable degree. What I finally realized, after MANY decades, is that I have never been completely male nor completely female in my thoughts, perspectives and actions. I have always been interested in traditional male pursuits as well as things thought to be traditionally female. That never bothered me internally, but I learned during childhood what was acceptable behavior and what wasn’t. It finally occurred to me that investing energy in maintaining a masculine facade was pointless. While I present as DeeAnn nearly all of the time, presenting as Don on occasion isn’t a problem. A recent example is when we had appointments to get our vaccines. I didn’t want anyone to try to figure out why my presentation didn’t match my identification. There are no anxious moments when I do this.
However, I would hesitate to say that I want to be a girl. The way that women are treated, from a social perspective, clearly has many issues associated with it. While I am fine with my presentation and social interactions, there are other aspects that do not sit well…
Hello Brielle, I can totally relate to what is happening with you. I had the same sort of question from my wife. But I told her I believe I do want to be a woman. I wanted to have my own breasts and feel like a woman. But to go one step further I told her I believe I am bi-sexual and would like to know what it would be like to be with a man. I too would like to pursue HRT and transition. After a few days to think about it, she said she doesn't want to lose me but at the same time she wants a man in her life. We are at a cross road, or more like a fork in the road. Not sure which path to take.
Do I want to be a girl??
Wow, that in many ways is a very complicated question.
Many times I have seen how women are treated.
And I dug deep into the process of changing name and all of the other documents that go along with it.
But do I want to be female....
As far back as I can remember I saw her peeking out, and begging to be free.
I broke down last year and told the world about Shiloh and I have no plan to stop now.
She is out to stay, it is her life.
I'm waiting on hormones to come in the mail this week.
And to find out if the Orchie was approved.
So yes I want to be a girl and go all the way.
The problem becomes now that it’s out there, there is no going back. in most cases the spouse can’t 100% trust after the initial deception (at least not for us). so unless one can forge a new relationship and covenant with their spouse it’s very difficult to “just stay together”. wish i had that answer but i haven’t been able to experience it yet.
Hugs,
Brie
