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Dysphoria that comes and goes...

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Posts: 16
(@lucia83)
Eminent Member     United Kingdom, West Midlands
Joined: 2 years ago

While I'm still uncertain of what is dysphoria and what isn't, what I have experienced certainly does change. Some days I'm fine and it doesn't bother me a lot and others it can get quite bad. Just recently I've had moments where I could just cry but couldn't quite let it out.

My thoughts of "what would I look like if I was female" came and went but always came back, since Pandora's box finally opened ita been replaced with thoughts of how I want a female body.

Judging by how it was before, I imagine this will continue to come and go. So I don't think it just stops.

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Posts: 22
 Roz
Member
(@rozh)
Eminent Member     United Kingdom, Dunbartonshire, Glasgow
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Lucia

i used to be like that too, with it coming any going for 40 years then for reasons that are hard to explain it wouldn’t go and I got steadily worsening dysphoria until I felt I wasn’t even a real person and felt the world wasn’t real either. That all got better after starting HRT and socially transitioning. I’ve had GCS as well and it was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. Stay safe, you’re a beautiful person x

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Posts: 23
Member
(@kb)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Florida
Joined: 4 years ago

Stephanie,

My gender dysphoria is always present. Sometimes it's a non issue and other times it brings me to tears.

So, when it's bad, at times I feel that it just isn't fair. It's not fair for anyone who is transgender. It's not fair that everyone else is walking around being their self, wearing a genuine smile, while I am forced to live my life (while out in public) based solely on the sex I was at birth. Cis people think one's sex and their gender are one and the same.

I believe that transgender people are the worlds best actors or actresses because when everyone sees us they think everything is wonderful and our smile is real. When in reality I am dying inside. I feel like I am wearing a Halloween costume with a smiley face mask.

I believe that every transgender person has a vision of themself as they are meant to be and therein lies the source of the dysphoria. How I envision myself and my actual self are not the same. I would like to think that if I ever make the transition to how I envision myself then my gender dysphoria would become a thing of the past.

In the mean time I hang on and try to enjoy all the highs of this roller coaster ride I'm on!

Hugs, Kelly

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Posts: 31
(@Anonymous 25807)
Eminent Member
Joined: 2 years ago

It does seem a common experience. For a long time I would experience it without understanding what it is. Now I know. It can be set off by the simplest thing. Just seeing an ordinary woman walking down the street. Something I cannot be.

Some days it's intense and physical but most of the time it's just an underlying feeling that I can suppress.

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