Hello you all,
I'm Annette a since a couple a weeks i identify myself as transgender, at the same time i started Gender Identitiy Therapy to help me, first, to confirm my gender identitiy and next see what are the step i need to follow.
The thing is: sometimes in this past couple of weeks i start to doubt if i am really transgender, i am thinking if it is something else like a way to escape pressure, family, children, responsibilities or a life that does not completely satisfy me. I usually read about other TG's process and the vast majority said i always knew i was a woman, i liked girls toys, girls clothes when i had 4, 5 or something like that. In my case i didn't, i had some flashbacks but nothing else.
Do anyone sometime have doubts if you are TG?
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Annette, I have am in the same boat as you. I just realized that I am trans and I have declared my birthday to be 2/23. Similarly I am fighting the same doubt of am I trans as you are. As with you I didnt know I was a woman since I was little. I can definitely (sp check almost corrected that to effeminately) look back at a whole metric ton of events, thoughts, and feeling that confirm I am trans, but I didnt declare to myself when I was younger that I was a woman. I also take that one a step further because I am super confused right now because 2 weeks ago I was having dysphoria about my genitals and now I am not. Super weird and totally not helping with doubt.
As far as my past goes I know that as a kid I did my best to hid my "transness" from myself. I locked it all away in a place in my mind that I couldn't reach until about 2 years ago. Even then it only unlocked it subconsciously and I still had to wait for an event to further unlock the rest. In that time period I was so deeply in denial that I couldnt even process some of the world around me. For the life of me until 2 months ago I didnt know what ULTA sold/did, even though I know I have walked in there multiple times. I couldnt understand what transgender was. I had an acquaintance transition and I couldnt wrap my mind around it. Messed up pronouns and name left and right for the whole weekend we were at the same event. It was weird, the mind does some strange things.
In the end Annette each one of our jouney's is unique. Yes we can all share alot of the same or similar experiences, but the "total sum" of all of our experiences is 100% different from everyone else. Believe what is in your heart. If your heart is telling you that you are not the gender you were assigned at birth, then that means you are not the gender you were assigned at birth and that is OK.
I've had a lot of confusion. For a long time I was sure I was non binary and bi gendered but the further I went down the road the more I realised that I was not happy with my Male body and had increasingly spent less and less time in my male guise. I eventually I took a long hard look at myself and realised that I was transgender. I still flit back now and again but I don't actually have a male guise anymore. I know I am not bi gendered but I am probably still non binary in some way. Like I said its confusing.
I know quite a few later and late and life who came to acknowledge they are transgender.Β For me it was my late 20's when I had my "lightening bolt" moment that I was TS (TG wasn't even a word then).Β Then I reasoned it away for 20 years, adding layers of doubt, impracticalities and impossibilities centered around religion, responsibilities and finance and just plane old "dude in a dress".Β The closet doors just kept piling up as the previous ones would just not be enough to repress the truth that would surface time and again.Β Since finally acknowledging that it was all a huge lie to myself I've been at peace with myself.Β The world around me hasn't been the kindest and each setback comes with the questions of is this worth it or did I do the right thing.Β But then I reflect on the lifelong struggle to be what I was taught to be that had failed and I know that it was because I wasn't being authentic most of that time.
Be true to yourself.Β Something brought you to this point in your life's walk.Β Trust the decisions you make because no one else knows you better than yourself.
No, once I sorted out how things sat for me several years ago, that was it and I havenβt looked back...
Thank you CC for share your experiences with me, they are very helpful.
I know that ultimate my inner self will tell me who really I am but when I read so many experiences of trans people who said "I was knowing since I was 4, 5, 6 etc" I start to question myself about it. I will risk so much if I go out as TG so I need to be as more sure as possible.
Thank you again.
Kisses,
Annette
Thanks, I know how much confussing can it be
Kisses,
Annette
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Dear Elizka
Thank you so much to share your doubts with me, it's really a powerful thing to know that I am not the only one who question self about it.
I think my troubles started in the fact that when a was a kid I was told that I need to act like a man and If I don't I will have a lot of troubles inside my inner circle and outside. I was attending an all-male school so it was more difficult to express myself so the only way I can find to "fit" was to be a "manly person". But this feeling never go away like I read early in a book. The problem is I hide so much time this feelings that I don't know how to stop myself and embrace they now.
I will continue to share with you all my journey.
Kisses,
Annette
