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A question:
How would being transgender, or not, change the difficulties that you mentioned? It would seem that they would exist either way...
Personally I think that is quiet natural to have moments of doubt on many levels when you chooe this path. After realising or having decided that is who you truely are, you may go through a great emotional shift that you have unlikely experienced before or ever will again.
I assume that arriving at that point is not one made lightly and often after many years of self exploration, re your identity, attempting to resolve inner conflict. The later a result of being raised and educated in a gender orientated way that does not sit well with your inner self. Social stigma, media, family etc., can all contribute to keeping you in that place longer than desirable. Hence we can find ourselves later in life feeling we have been trapped inside oursleves. Possibly causing all kinds if issues and truama throughout our lives
I reached a point in my life when I just knew that it was a path that I had to take. However, that did not prevent me from having thoughts of self doubt on many levels. But my committment and self need were much stronger than my doubts. The doubts I had were short lived, the more my life continued those ideas never surfaced again. It can takes different things for each of us to be able to discover our true self.
Mine was just learning to love myself and be able to accept who and what I was. It sounds so simple when I read that back, but it took me almost a lifetime to discover it.
In my heart, I know now who I am and who I have been all my life.
I hope you can find that too.
I think I understand where you're coming from. I think it is natural to wonder the reasons that are truly driving us on our journey.
I've tried to convince myself I wasn't transgender, many times over many years. I believe if it were possible for me to convince myself that I wasn't, it would have happened. Even after all this time there is still an occasional temptation to question it or evade it in some other manner. The pattern of repression and denial is easy to fall back into. It's all I've ever really known.
All I could do was examine all the gender related things I had thought or experienced in my life and carefully examine them. Recall them, write them down, and consider them as dispassionately and objectively as possible. After that, I concluded that I wasn't being honest if I didn't admit it to myself. I also realize that being uncomfortable about it is unfortunately part of this experience for me, and something better acknowledged than struggled with.
Hi... not really in doubt since I was 19 (when I first read Caroline Cossey's autobiography, and realised "that's me"). But I've tried to deny myself, repress myself, or just live ignoring my needs so much over the years. And sometimes I almost forgot.
At the moment, my really massive doubt is whether I should be transitioning ... the timing just seems absolutely, bizarrely, terrible. How could I possibly have picked this month and this year, of all my years, to come out and start to transition? I must be absolutely insane ... the medical, therapy, and social support has just vanished all around me as soon as I needed it. And loads of people are dying; how could I possibly be this vain and this selfish?
Paradoxically, transitioning to womanhood just seems such a selfishly "male" thing to do ... "Hey, look at me, I don't care about anyone else; it's all about me". Something that a loving, caring woman would never do now. So I'm stuck.
All in all, I think a bit of self-doubt right now is perfectly natural. For any of us.
Love, Sophie xx
Hi there and yes. Like you I never had never experienced feeling like a woman in my life, I didnt crossdress or even try it. I was your stereotypical all male. Excelled at sports, joined the military, was married early, children the whole thing. I was bi/pan sexual and always felt something just wasnt quite right. But being busy with career, marriage, and children I just never devoted any time to discovering what it was. Flash forward to today, 6 months on HRT. I still look in the mirror and just see a man, I refuse to say I am transgender. Not because I am not, but rather because I think its unfair to say I am until I start to look transgender. I always say I am transitioning to transgender. But then I look at my body, and realize my boobs have got a decent start. I practice makeup, and am getting better.
The point is I am changing, and although the mirror still see's the old me, the new me is excitedly coming out. Better late than never! I realized that just because I never crossdressed or admitted her existance didnt mean she wasnt always there in the background waiting for me to find her. I have, and yes I am now transgender.
Traci Lynn
Hi , I voted NO , i've always known i was different , i liked girls clothes , and would sneak my mom's panties once in a wile . I was always very quiet , low key , always afraid of any confrontation , i would leave , i was very submissive . I had no liking for a boy friend , and was afraid to ask a girl out ,so i just hung out with boys . I dreamed about being a girl , it seemed girls could get dates easier than boys , and i thought being a girl would be easier and quite wonderful . As the years progressed i became more into the fem style of life , purchased my own clothes , had my own apartment , dressed at home never out . Then i met my wife , fell in love and married , purged all my girly things , life was wonderful for a while . I would still get the urge to dress , admired how women dressed , and yes even still tried on my wifes things once in a while . My wife and i finally split up and went our own ways , i stayed male only for a year of two , and finally started purchasing my own girly stuff again ,and its never quit , i have never changed , i know who i am and i will always be this woman for ever . I can't change , its like a permanent stain on me , it will not go away . I'am happy to be her , she and i have came to be in peace with each other and thats how it shall stay . Leslie is a great girl , she's fun , soft , sexy and always in a fem style of life , i'am going to enjoy her for as long as i live . I hope i answered this question in a lady like style , i will always be a lady . Love you all , Leslie
Hi Tiffany, I relate to this so much. I've lived half my life in the wrong body, and can't bear the thought of living the other half like this as well. But still "all about me".
I'm struck my the number of trans women I've talked to (here and elsewheee) who have become loving, selfless carers, and then find themselves trapped by their love. Feeling utterly selfish if they transition; feeling utterly miserable if they don't.
Perhaps the only way out is to tell our loved ones exactly how we feel, and beg for their help. It's another sort of validation really. But what I'd love to hear from my children and my friends is something like this. "It is your life. Do what you need to be happy; we'll cope. You don't need anyone's permission to be yourself, let alone ours. But you do have our blessing".
That would make me feel better I think.
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DeeAnn
Yes, you are right, this kind of things will exist no matter the path I follow but I question myself if looking for a radical change is a way to scape of all this things, as can be alcohol, drugs or extreme sport just to mention ones.
Thank you for take the time to analyze my question, you made me think and give me another point of view.
Kisses,
Annette