Ladies, I really wasn't sure how to title this thread, so forgive me if it doesn't make sense to you.
This question is more concerning bathroom uses when out, either as male or female as I am part time so far. Living here in Ontario, Canada is a very accepting place and you are permitted to use public restrooms based on how you are presenting. So naturally when I'm out as Amy, I use the woman's, and for Heaven's sake I'd NEVER go in the men's when presenting as Amy.
Public washrooms are usually well labelled but of course the actual layout of them varies,the one I need is sometimes left or right, first or second in the hallway. Some even have no assigned gender, though that's rare here still.
It's my perception which changes too. When I've been out as Amy, and it's been many 100's of times now I have no trouble instinctively going to the women's and I've never gone to the men's by mistake.
However when out as male I can't the say the same thing. More than once I've looked at the signage and instinctively chose the women's and walked in only to see the shocked look on a woman's face, I quickly appologise and leave. Other times I look at the signage and think "What am I today, Oh, a guy" and choose the correct one. But it takes that extra thought!
Has anyone else had that experience? Is this some kind of dysphoria, as it seems to me it might be.
Thank you!
Amy
@amylove2dress I have experienced this as a guy. I'll occasionally pause to make sure I'm not Trish. But like you, I doesn't seem to happen when I'm dressed.😊🤷🏻♀️.
@trishsummers Thank you very much Trish, curious isn't it the way that works for some of us.
Amy
I haven't had that issue much at all. It was always easy to remember to use the women's room when I was out as Evelyn, and now that I'm full-time it's just instinct. When I was still presenting as a guy, it wasn't much thought to go to the men's room. Now, I often wished that I could use the women's room then, but it wasn't an issue to go to the "correct" one. Actually, one time I had to go into the women's room...I was on the emergency squad at work, and I was the first on the scene of a call to a person down in a women's room. I just announced myself, and basically got an escort in by one of the women there. It felt a little odd to go in presenting as a guy, but once I got to the patient, that all went out of my thoughts.
And for another story, just last week one of the other women in my Aqua class was getting ready to head to the lockers...she dove into the men's room to start with. It was a quick and embarrassed exit a moment later. It can happen at times. We just deal with it and get out as we can.
I don't have a problem with knowing which restroom to use. But I recently had a bit of a scare when I went into the "correct" restroom. I still present as male when I visit my elderly father. But 2 years into transition, I "male fail" often. And it happened when I entered the men's room at a local restaurant. Some guy thought I was a woman entering the men's room and followed me in. Fortunately nothing came of it. But it was a wakeup call nonetheless.
The dysphoria I've experienced is with my body and mind. I've wanted to be a girl as long as I can remember. I don't recall having dysphoria associated with decision making. But it sounds like you are wired differently and your thought process skews female. Maybe talking to a gender therapist would be a good idea?
/EA
Did you know that at the Orillia public library there is a tampon dispenser in the MEN'S bathroom? No wonder we're all confused! LOL!!
Yes, we live in quite a civilized place here in Ontario, Canada. That decision to include tampons in the library came about since there are trans men in the area who may still need them.
As Emily suggests, I too recommend councilling. I recently went to North Simcoe Muskoka Trans Health Services in Orillia to talk to a therapist. I felt reassured that I'm on the right track and was encouraged NOT to feel ashamed about my identity, but to be cautious nonetheless depending on the community.
So, I've embraced my local 2S-LGBTQA+ community where I can be the real me without fear. We go out often to events where "Barb" can strut her stuff and pee wherever she wants to. There's nothing like strength in numbers!
All the best!
Barb
I don't think this is dyshoria, just a little confusion going back and forth. I know I too have to think of where I am and how I'm dressed. Usually not a big problem, though I usually try to avoid going when the ladies room is very busy.
. Cassie
Amy:
I will almost always suggest that folks talk to a therapist experienced with gender issues. The reason is that, unless there is a reincarnation deal going on, this is a new experience for all of us. So, how would we know what’s going on?
You describe what seems to be a pretty straightforward situation, but it may not be. Talking with a therapist may reveal that there is something else going on. But, you won’t know until you ask.
Thank you to everyone for your replies, I'm not sure about a therapist but I'll see how I go and perhaps it might be something I should do.
Amy
Realize that there is A LOT of fear and stigma in putting significant questions to ourselves regarding our gender identity or sexual orientation. It’s not unlike procrastination when we don’t want to deal with a difficult person or try to avoid making a difficult decision. Our minds want to choose the Path of Least Resistance. After all, its purpose, in part, is to protect us. Avoidance is often a good way to keep us from getting upset. Our minds will allow ourselves to be distracted rather than deal with whatever situation is in front of us. A therapist won’t let us get distracted or avoid what we really need to be thinking about or rationalize our thinking.
