Hi Rebecca, I don't know if your avitar picture is since the HRT, but either way you are very, very passable! I also saw that you are married. I am too, probabluy a little older than you, and have been on Spiro for almost 2 months. I start estrogen in a month or so, hopefully.
I hope you can keep your marriage together. My wife is hanging in there for now, but she thinks she won't be attracted to me after I feminize further, so it's day-to-day.
Hugs,
Brielle
I feel like I'm the odd duck on this one. Passing is vital to me, I'm not an activist, and I'm not here to change the world. I'm here for me. It sounds selfish, but here me out. The main reason it has taken me so long to start transitioning is because I am very harmony focused (INFP). I've seen people weaponize their Trans Identity in ways that have really soured those around me.
I come from a fairly conservative blue color family, and they make for a pretty good barometer of what is palatable. I've seen over the years how Gay and Lesbian relations have become accepted through none aggressive normalization. My dad used be pretty homophic when I was young, do to much of the "We're Here, We're Queer, Get Use To It" mentality of the time. All people are tribal, and this is an aggressive act against then Societal Norms. People In the Gay community doing outlandish thigs to "Own the Squares" Only made things worse for everyone that wasn't and extremist. Then Will and Grace happened, it was my dad's favorite show. It was humanizing to see same sex attracted people in everyday life. Now my dad's best friends are the gay neighbors.
I now not everyone can pass, but feel we could bridge the divide better with more Mathilda Hogbergs and less GameStop Ma'ams. When I come out, hopefully the only people that will know are those I've told, and hopefully the knowledge that that otherwise normal woman was one a man will soften their views on trans people. Integration begets Acceptance at least as fair as I've experienced.
I have "come out" to the world now, started living full time as the woman I am, all the escape routes have been cut off and I am committed to the new path that has been placed in front of me. Do I pass? Probably sometimes and probably not sometimes. Do I care anymore? No. I am who I am and I have to be true to the person I am and have always been since birth. That person is Lauren and she is beautiful!!
It definitely would makes things easier if you can pass as a woman, physically, that’s just my opinion. easier on me anyway.
Hi Rebecca. I always thought with the right makeup application that I would pass. Sadly that was not the case. Even after makeup classes and professional makeovers I still am not passable. I decided that to live my authentic self, passing did not matter. I now live and enjoy life as the woman I was meant to be. I may not be gorgeous but I am femme and accepted in my community.
I care more now than ever as I age. However, it’s not about passing as much as it is about blending. I at some point realized when I blend in with my surroundings, I pass. I require a lot less glamour for an evening, and a lot more ordinary for everyday. I think this logic came to be when I came out to the world. Glam is great, just not practical.
Lauren, I was going to post my own response here, but you pretty much said what I was going to say. I voted that "passing" is "somewhat important" to me, figuring that most people here take "passing" to mean "assumed by others to be a natural woman." I mean, I would LOVE to always be taken by others as a natural woman. I have some pretty good anecdotal evidence that I often am. But in all honesty, I have to say I am sure I get "read" sometimes, or at least leave people uncertain. THOSE are the really important times. How do people react then? Around my home area (southern Calif.), there has been (to date) scarcely any reaction at all, beyond perhaps a slight sign of recognition and then . . .continuing to treat me as a woman. If people around you will readily accept you as a woman, even though they think you may not be one, you're "passing" in every sense that really matters! IMHO.
It's never been an issue to me as my body shape guarantees that I will never 100% pass. While I wear size 8 bottoms, I have a barrel chest and shoulder width 2 inches larger than the average male my age and 4 inches larger than then the average female my age. I don't really care. I know who and what I am and I'm very happy with it. Do I get misgendered? Not as much as I expected after moving deep into the right wing heart of Pence country, and I get referred to as maam or she/her often enough that it both surprises me as well as pleases me very much. I do the best I can given what I have and what I've learned so far and I am satisfied. I know it will take the HRT at least 3 more years before it's done all the magic it can do, and if there is anything I've learned in my 70 years it's patience and the benefits of delayed gratification.