Hello everyone.
Im ella. I live in the philippines. My transgender journey started when i was 12 years old, however aroud the age of 3 my aunt knew i will be either a gay guy or a trans. During my first grade i always ask my self, why am i attracted to male classmate? Why is that i am happy being with girls and wants to look like them? I was really confused and dont know the answers or maybe i know the answers but i just dont want to acknowladge it because of my father. We are a very poor family. My father is just a jeepney (PUV) driver and my mom works in a department store. I am 3rd in 4 siblings. Our situation became harder when we all went to school and that forced my mom to leave us when i was in 3rd grade and work in other country in hopes to have a good life. At the age of 8 i knew i am different and i knew when i my father finds out who i really am he will beat the hell out of me for he doesnt like gays or trans. I lived in the closet for 5 years. I am the favorite child of my father i know that and everyone knows that. However my 2nd sibling is also a trans nd during our younger years she is more vocal and out which made my father really mad. I saw him beat my sister and how cruel my father was to her. She knows who i really am and she always tease me for not being out and she ridiculed me infront of our friends. I know how she feels about me being the favorite and she is jealous about it. But my breaking point was when she rediculed me so much and i also felt my situation wont get better if i will be in closet. So i wrote a letter to my father telling him i am who i am and hope he accept me then i run away. After few days i went to see my grandmom whom the one who really take care of us because my mom wasnt around. She cried and said come back and my father and her were searching for me. My heart melts and went back home. When i was 12 years old i started my transition. I save money from my daily allowance for school and buy hormones pills it wasnt regular for therr are time i dont have enough money to buy pills. Then i finished highschool. My parents cant put us to school anymore. All of us except my little sister didnt get to step in to collage or university. My mom and dad broke up already and my doesnt have a job and illegally staying in japan in hoe to find job. Our father left us and for my siblings sake they all went to live with my father. I was left to live with my grandmother. The reality of the world came to me a little too soon. I didnt finish any digree, companies that might hire a highschool graduate will only hire straight people, i dont have knowladge about cutting hair or make up in other word i am not qualify to be on a job where i can probably be hire like in a salon. I wonder what trans like me would do to live. I know trans here in the philippines. They work in japan as an entertainer and get rich sometime settle for with a men. But japan during that time closed its door for entertainers. Then a friend of mine introduce me to cyber sex. I was 18 and didnt know anything about it. I am a basic computer person then until now. But it was easy. You will talk to people masterbate and do what the view will want you to do. But it was tiring and really just not good money. I work like 12 or even more hours a day, lets say if i earn 50$ a week i will only get 40%. Out of it because our manager tales the 70%. Plus ita really dangerous for its illegal here in the philippines. A co worker introduce me to escorting. At first i was scared, super nervous and dont know what to do. Yes i am 18 but still dont know much about sex. Yes. In a country like ours is really nothing much to offer to trans people. Most of us do sex work one way or another. I am ashamed of it but i admit it. Survival is the key for me from then till now. Actually i am still a sex worker. There are sex worker that hates our job so much just like me who are taking drugs for them to have energy, if their clients wants them to, or they just hate it that they need to take it so they wont be bothered by the thoughts of having sex to a complete stranger. I am proud to say i am not into drugs and no intension to take. Its just not my thing. To wrap this topic. One way or another first world countries has more to offer than to us here. Maybe its easy for us to do the transition but its hard to us to live as a trans who lives in the society where not equal and a government who doesnt help us. I wish all of you to have a great life. And if you need or wants to ask anything feel free to ask.
Wow. What a path you have travelled. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that it has been so tough. I hope it gets better for you. Find a goal. And focus on it. The more you focus on that goal, the more you will think of ways to achieve it. It could be a goal to find new job. Make new friend. Find a way out. Anything.
- Thank you jessi girl. Ill do my best.
Hello Ella and welcome to the site. 😄
I find it nice to read about girls from other countries as it removes our pink goggles we here in America have at times. I of course feel bad you had such a journey thus far in your life. 😞 Try and keep in mind the trials and hardships make us stronger as people, and though you might not feel it at times I somehow get the impression you are or will be one of the stronger people.
As for education I know here in America there are a bunch of online educational courses you can take, is there any possibility or use in taking them over there? Knowledge is potential power as they say. I will return the offer you gave to us, if you have any questions feel free to ask. 😉
Hang in there things always change.
Miriya
😃😃😃
ps. I will not pretend to understand the online sex industry, however $50 a week sounds low. I am not sure if the risk is worth the rewards.
Good day Miriya,
Thank you for those lovely words.
Philippines doesnt have much to offer to people like me and any amount of help from other country will be helpful for us here. Education is very important that and if you can take it here you will help alot of us. About the $50 a week, yes it is really low and its a high risk but we have to do everything to survive here.
Again thank you.
Ella trying to help one another with emotional support is why most of us have found this place. Have you looked into the call center work over there? Does it have any merit or is it just a foreign news hype. If you had no trans issues what kind of work would you like to do?
<p style="text-align: left;">They only accept us if we finish at least 2 years of collage otherwise they wont accept us.</p>
Hello Ella, that is unfortunate that they need so much education to work there. 😞 Here is a bit of advice I received from a very successful professional woman I met when applying for a job years back. “Use jobs as stepping stones, start little but with purpose and hop from one to the next using each as a spring board.” You are in a similar spot even if it is crappy. I know the only jobs you can get suck right now, but if you save even just a little from what you do it will build up to the next step. And it seems to me education is what would open some doors for you even thought I think even a job at the call centers would just be a stepping stone for you.
Here is my advice. Get out a pen and paper, it is important you actually write it in your own hand writing. Write down what you truly desire as to where your dreams of and ideal life you want to have on it. Think and contemplate on this dream, and write a reasonable time frame down for achieving it, it might be 5, or 10 or even 20 years, only you know in your heart what it will take. You may not see a path right now but with every decision you make in your life keep this dream/ideal in your mind and ask your self is this getting me there? Also take out the paper every day and read it when you get up and go to bed. Keep it with you close to your heart. Put your signature on the paper as if you make an agreement with your self that you will achieve your life’s dream. I know this seems like magic and a bit crazy, and it is, but I works and is one of the little secrets to life. 😉
Now for a direction you may not have thought about, I am not sure if they are in your area or not but look up: GALANG, STRAP, COLORS, UP PRIDE, and LAGABLAB. Not sure if any of them can help but maybe find a friend there, life is so much easier with a friend to pick up your pieces as you go along. My heart goes out to you and I pray that you find what you seek.
Miriya
🤗🤗🤗
