Thank you Jessica! I can’t say how much better I feel vs yesterday having support!
Liviarose It's Jessica
Just Remember to be True To Your Self...some times the Journey.. that We are ON.... is not a Easy Journey.
For US... or the People We Love...
But HAPPINESS is There...
You are not ALONE...
You have... US... the Members
Of TGH...
BE BRAVE...BE SAFE...
JESSICA 💕
Thank you so much Jessica!
Good point… I agree with your statement that CDs are on the TG spectrum. For me that was a hard acknowledgement, and I’ve asked myself why. Names can sting. Especially in a world that still fears something they don’t understand. In my professional mode, I ask questions about gender identity “Male ? Female? Transgender ?” as it states on the form. It’s not mandatory to answer. I tell them they don’t have to answer or can answer “other” if they wish. More often than not I’m met with silence. Many times the reaction is as if I had just insulted them. This always surprises me. That it’s such an affront to their vision of masculinity. It took me years to finally understand that the clothes I chose to wear did not define my gender. That I presented daily as male did not negate that I’ve always felt I am a woman. Self acceptance was the mental block for me. I think the ongoing public conversations we see now in the media and courts about gender is healthy and is helping.
But we have a long way to go before women are on the bridge of the Star Trek Enterprise and referred to as “Mister” as a form of professional respect detached from gender stereotypes. When I see a visceral, almost violent response to the question of gender I’m often tempted to ask why the insult, don’t you love your mom? Your sister?
Liviarose:
Good that you are here!
It would appear that you will have to come out at some point. It is more a matter of When and not If. A key thing about coming out is doing it on your own terms. If you were to get outed by someone or your wife discovers tell-tale signs of what you have been doing, it becomes a major upheaval and you will be placed on the defensive. At that point, it is VERY difficult, if not impossible, to get to tell your story, your way.
I agree with writing down what you want to say. It helps to crystallize ones thoughts. However, I would caution against reading it to your wife. Honest communication is the goal, not a script. On the other hand, some may be very nervous about the process and be aided by using written material. In my case, my wife already knew as she had been part of my discovery process. But, I did have the conversation with my grown daughter and son, 7-8 close friends and my department manager at the time. I did not write anything down for any of these conversations and just began as straightforwardly as I could. I had a perfect lead-in as I was planning to be the Mistress of Ceremonies at a public event put on by my LGBT employee affinity group. As there would be people I knew from work in attendance, I assumed that word would travel and I wanted to be in front of that. Therefore, I had the conversations before the event. The idea was to head off any 2nd hand fabricated BS. Clearly, I would not say “Do what I did.”. I think it is best considered as another methodology or road to town.
A number of members have found that working with a therapist is quite helpful. There are difficult issues to think about; especially since the potential consequences are very significant. Home, family and employment could all be impacted. A therapist will ask the right questions to get you to think about the issues that need to be considered and help keep you focused. However, it is important to find someone with experience in working with gender issues as everyone does not have this expertise.
I encourage you to complete your Profile page as it really helps others to understand your situation. The page will always be readily available and can be updated at any time. I caution you against using transgenderED. It has fallen from use, even though it may still appear in dictionaries, because the implication is that something happened to make us transgender. However, the reality is that our gender identity and our sexuality are inherent. They are part of us from Day 1.
If you would like to search for members who may be nearby, click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.
Hi,
I have just told my wife. I am TG not TV. It is not going well. But I think it was the right thing to do.
Love,
Grace
My experience has been very similar. Those few steps taken towards feeling feminine, and good about yourself are transforming in there own right. Although ive dropped a couple of hints, i am nowhere near the point of telling my wife how i feel.
I empathize with your current situation, and although i dont have the experience to offer advice, this community seems to be the right place for us to gain advice and support.
Good luck in your journey
Andrea,
I waited too long to tell my SO. I can't say it will be easy. It was horrible to do it and it is horrible to see the pain that the disclosure has caused. But I remind myself that I have not done this. It is a feeling I have and, the longer I live, the more I know the real me is female. It's not my fault. It's not anyone's fault. It's just how it is.
Only you know when the right time is. But I think, the sooner the better.
Hugs and kisses,
Grace