I have been dressing for years but want so bad to come out full time
Hello Erin...I know what you mean...
I FEEL THE SAME...
Been Dressing ever since I was 10 years old... But One Day...
I will Full Time...until then...
We have this Wonderful Site...
To Make Friends...who understand..
Talk to you soon...Be Safe...
Be your True Self π
Hi, Erin. I'd love to come out full time, too. But I don't even know how to begin to go about it. Maybe I'll get there someday, maybe I won't. But right now, I'm really enjoying being able to be myself in the privacy of my home. Shaving my legs, painting my toenails, putting on lipstick, dressing the way I want, in clothes I actually enjoy wearing, that make me feel good about who I really am inside. It all comes together when I'm at home and free to be Autumn. I hope you feel just as good about yourself when you're being who you really are inside as I do.
Hugs
Autumn
Hi Erin
I completely understand how you feel. I have a daily period of consideration of the way in which I should come out to colleagues at work. For some reason that feels more stressful than coming out to family, which I havenβt done either. Only my wife and my therapist know that Iβm trans. Iβm working with my therapist on my fears and my barriers to coming out. Small steps at a time. I hope to get through full transition eventually. A friend here recommended the Dr Z PHD videos to me which has been helpful. Expressing my inner woman privately helps me stay balanced. I really struggle when thatβs taken away. Stay safe and feel free to chat to me anytime
Hugs
Roz x
Hi Erin,
Welcome to our wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.
You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
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Glad you are here. Looking forward to more sharing,
Regards,
Terri Anne, Ambassador
Erin:
Yes, coming out is hard for many reasons; internal ones and external ones.
Internally, it goes against all of our conditioning and requires a lot of effort to work against that for many of us. In spite of the fact that many of us will say that they have always thought of themselves as female, it is unlikely that they behaved as such in order to fit in and hopefully be safe. They may also be some unconscious things at work like male privilege that need to be understood and different perspectives taken.
Externally, there is the issue of being in public as your authentic self. It is important to understand the females function very differently in social settings compared to males. Understanding that makes a big difference and is a great help towards settling in. Finding people and environments that are understanding and welcoming can also be a challenge, but will always be good to do.
From my experience and from what I've seen, conscious thought and coming out on your own terms is always helpful. If you are outed by someone, it tends to put people into a very defensive situation and and it becomes very difficult to tell your story. It is called Losing The Narrative. Once it is lost, it is VERY hard to get it back. Another thing that can happen when you've been outed is that people will tell your story, their way. People will mix in their opinions, prejudices, misinformation, etc. such that is won't be your story. That's another reason to be proactive.
Rachel Maddow has an interesting quote about coming out
"The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you've just told then."
Anyway, it is a process that should be done on your own terms...
Earlier this year I was with a girlfriend (friend that's a girl...mtf here) of mine and after we got done with dinner at a restaurant I asked if we could take the long way home (back to the apartment complex where we both live in separate units) and I rambled on around the moment of coming out for about 50 miles of driving, cried a lot off and on, then detached myself from reality and allowed my body to just say it...I'm transgender. The bandaid was off. All was good.
Nothing like when I came out in 2011 when my family (who I don't talk to anymore) didn't take it well causing me to go back into the closet for another decade while progressing down the path of suicide ideation and almost alcoholism. I'm now on anti-depressants and don't allow alcohol in my house or body.
My parents and siblings rejected me and I cut them off. The friend I came out to this year is super cool about it and spent the evening helping me shop for makeup for the first time.
What finally pushed me over the edge into the I HAVE to come out as soon as I can work up the nerve, which I WILL zone was something I heard somewhere. Imagine being on your deathbed right now. What do you regret? Now stop that regret from happening. I actively thought about that for a year before I had a very serious life is too short moment and came out. You only get to do this once...no second chance...stop wasting it, NOW!
I just started telling people it was she/her now and waited for followup questions. Worked very well. It lead to one of the most meaningful conversations of my life with one of my colleagues. Not everyone had follow questions but they all indicated they'd respect my pronouns. I'm very open to anything anyone asks in seriousness, but not everyone is interested in everything...so, let me know. For me l, it was the best way to go about it.
