Confused... and scared!

Abby, welcome to TGH.

I faced a similar dilemma about 25 yrs ago with a 1 yo and 5 yo.  Not having the support mechanisms of today I chose to suppress my true self.  Yes, I was able to do so and raise my children to adulthood, but I became a shell in the process.  The true me was wrapped up like a powder keg inside my hard shelled cocoon.  Once the kids were out of the house I started to re-awaken, but a series of circumstances led to the most stress I had ever faced in my life and I began to explode and worse yet at my family.  In the end it was what was necessary for me to come out and finally be happy.  It cost me a marriage and more, but what I learned was that I really wasn't making my family happy, I was just making them stable all those years.  You can't make someone happy of you aren't yourself.  I implore you to keep working with your therapist to figure out the best solution in your life.  I wish I had done it so long ago.  You can PM me if you like.

Hugs, Ambassador Cloe

Hi Abby. Did you realise before you got married that in your heart you wanted to be a woman? The choices are to be honest with your wife and take it on the chin or spend your life frustrated and bitter. As Cloe alluded too the latter choice could cause more pain and problems for your wife and child in the future. I  would suggest that you make the decision now for the reasons mentioned above as time will not make them any easier. Brave heart Abby and lots of love Amelia.

Thank you for that, Cloe!

That is exactly what I am worried about. I can’t help but think no matter what decision I make will have both positive and negative outcomes. I actually made a list of all those outcomes that I could think of and it made me realize that I’m willing to give up everything except my daughter. She’s only 9 months old now and I just love her so much! I actually cried two days in a row now at the thought of not being able to see her any more...

I do understand that keeping this a secret will also create difficulties.  Especially considering my growing animosity towards my wife’s inability to accept and understand my feminine side whatsoever...

its just so difficult... I am definitely continuing therapy, and it is helping me so much! I love seeing my therapist. 🙂

thank you so much for the support though! I would love to stay in touch! 🙂

Hugs!!!

-Abby <3 <3

Thank you for the response, Amelia! I love your name! Super cute and sweet! <3

i did not realize who I was prior to getting married. I knew I liked women’s clothes, but at the time it was only for sexual purposes. I would automatically dismiss any thoughts of transitioning. It wasn’t until recently that I started to really put thought and research into that aspect of life and start to realize who I really am. In retrospect, I really wish I would have done this self reflecting years ago. I might have realized this sooner and been able to spare my now wife and daughter the heartache of losing a husband and father... :’(

Sorry... I’m feeling super emotional right now...

Anyway...

Thank you for the feedback! <3

keep in touch, Amelia!

Hugs!!!

-Abby <3 <3 <3

They wouldn't lose you Abby, they could gain another wife and mother instead :grin:. I also dressed up for sexual gratification at one time but since I came out about 6 months ago it has become so much more. It's my personal experience that the anticipated traumas in life are rarely as bad as I expect (it's usually the unexpected ones that that can knock you). Have a serious chat with your wife  Abby (I seem to recall a forum for wives of transgender on this site) show her some of the transgender celebs on youtube. It must be difficult for her, see her point of view but ultimately you have to be who you are. More love and hugs Amelia.

Aw, Amelia. You are such a sweet heart. I love that. <3

unfortunately I am 100% sure that my wife would not stay with me. Especially after her reaction to finding out about my cross dressing... I really have to decide between my two lives... :/

omg, I never thought about being a wife or a mother before... 🙂 I feel like the thought of it is melting my heart though! If I do end up transitioning, I would absolutely love to get re married to another woman (trans or otherwise) and be someone’s wife! Then if we could have children (naturally or adopt) and the baby would have two moms, but I would be one of them! 😀

I get what you’re saying though about things not always ending up as bad as anticipated. I guess I would have to hope that’s the case no matter what I decide to do.

Ugh... I just feel so lost...

thank you for your kind words and inspirations though!!! 🙂

love and hugs!!!

- Abby <3

Abby, I'm always somewhere around.  You can send private messages too if you want to discuss something out of the public eye.