In our family we love singing. Whether its actual songs on the radio or songs we make up to tunes in our head. Ill never know who the person who brought music into our family but i do know who opened my dads and my own love for it. My grandmother(on his side) has always had a song just waiting on her lips to let the world hear. Her voice is so sweet it would make a monk feel they arent innocent enough to hear it, at least thats how it sounds in my ears. And everytime we visited her, our visits were focused around music, whether its visiting museums with famous musicians, or playing her old records while we all gathered and chatted in a nearby room. Anyways, a few years back she got diagnosed with alzhiemers, but she still loves music, my aunts have posted videos on fb with her singing old favorites. I wasnt fully aware of my desire/need to transition from mtf until after she got diagnosed and he disease started getting worse.. Now my looks are changing and my voice is changing and part of me is absolutely terrified to visit or even call since i started transitioning because part of me feels like she wont even recognize im her little grandbaby songbird anymore...im happier than ive ever been because of the transition, but it hurts deep down to know that my grandma, the beautiful soul who inspired the music in me and my father and so many other people i lost track, to know that ill never hear her musical voice even just telling me its gonna be alright...to let me know that i need to bring up this verse an octave, or i need to lilt my voice just so the sounds waver, i know this isnt really an introduction at all, but i just feel the need to reach out for help here as i dont know where else to look. Please, has anyone gone through something similar and do you have any words of advice for a kid trying to cope?
Jessica,
Be happy that you have music in your family and your life. It can be a powerful asset in life. When I was young and at one of my lowest points, because I was different and not liked by most of those around me, music saved me from myself, and the disfavor of others. It was the one thing I had, to hold onto that was seen as good and positive. My family is very musical too, and my Grandmother and several of my great-aunts and uncles were always singing and playing stringed instruments. As they moved into advanced age, the ones who had dementia, seemed to hang on to their singing. Of course, it wasn’t of the same quality, but they would still sing, and even though in later years They did not always recognize me, we still had that connection. I’ve tried and given up many things in my 60+ years, but presenting as my authentic feminine self and, performing music are the two constants in my life, and both have made me better.
hugs
Carla
