Greetings All! Iβm Ella.
I grew up as a transgender child. My mother recognized at a very early age that she was in fact raising another daughter, not a son. She made EVERY accommodation for me, which included appropriate clothing, and toys. (The only access to girls clothing I had was my older sisterβs, who was 5 years older than me, so they must hung on me...) This was the mid sixties, and I can tell you that my mother was WAY ahead of her time in terms of being progressive.
I had a very close friend who was named Gabriella. I absolutely LOVED Β her name, it was almost musical. I came down the stairs one day and announced to my family, βDonβt call me βxyzβ anymore. I want you to call me Gabriella, instead.β I was 5 years old. My mother gave me the nickname Ella, and thatβs the ONLY way she addressed me, up until her death in 2018. My mother truly saw me...
I didnβt know my father as I was growing up as he was serving in Vietnam. My mother failed to tell him that , rather that having a daughter and three sons, he actually had two daughters and two sons. My father ABSOLUTELY freaked out upon returning home. Nothing short of 100% denial and rejection! I was 6 years old.
My father wanted to put a complete stop to my gender expression, but my mother put her foot down and made two things clear; first, βyou will never cut her hair!β (He wanted to give me a military style crew cut!) and second, βshe is free to be who she wants to be inside the safety of our home. If you want her to live as a boy in public, thatβs fine (no itβs not, mom!!), but inside this house she can be who SHE wants to be.β I think itβs fair to say that my Β father HATED everything I represented.
I walked the tightrope of being in two worlds until I was 16. It was the mid 70βs, and the world was not ready for Ella to come out. So, I made the decision to live as a male from that point on.
Well...letβs see, how can I put it? After years of depression, anxiety, suicidality, extreme drug and alcohol addiction, failed 20 yr marriage, the loss of relationship with my children, etc... I reached a breaking point. I just wanted to be FREE again, like I was as a child.
Two years ago I started seeing a gender therapist, asked my close (and progressive) friends to start addressing me as Ella, and once again acquired all the girly things I could ever want or need... π I started HRT in November, and am working with a speech therapist to see if we canβt tweak things a bit in the voice dept.
Thatβll do it! Of course, Iβm looking forward to meeting people from across the planet, however, if there are people from the upper Midwest, please give me a shout out!!
Namaste
