It took a couple of days for me to think about what I wanted to say, as this is really a reintroduction.
Like many of you, my journey has had its share of ups and downs...and the Spring and Summer of 2020 has been, without a doubt, the darkest period of my life. In fact, at one point in the month of May, I'd decided that living full-time as Shawna simply wasn't possible. I canceled my therapist time, gave away all my beautiful clothes, threw out my makeup, and consigned myself to having to live with the choices I'd made over the past 40 years.
I knew THAT was a mistake almost immediately! Because while (for some) simply going out "en femme" is enough to satisfy a desire to enjoy one's femininity...or to "walk on the wild side" for an evening or weekend just to feel ALIVE (not that there's a damn thing wrong with that)...can sufficiently fill the empty place for many...
...I realized with crystal clarity that for ME - there is simply no life other than that as a woman!
The "A-HA" moment...lol!
So, I'm slowly and methodically (this time) working my plan to transition to the life I was always supposed to have. It's challenging, but I realize now, that I NEEDED the dark time in order to know without a doubt where I needed to go.
While I'm not being "in anyone's face" about my femininity, I've found a new confidence in who I am. I went to my office today in full female attire...jeans, v-neck top, vest...(nothing flashy) and with very light makeup. No comments or stares...but it's time for the boys to know that they work for a woman!
I'm happier than I've ever been...and it's because I've finally figured out that the only person holding this girl back was me!
I'm so very happy to be back at TGH, and I hope that I can be a positive influence for others...and to be the kind of girlfriend that others want in their lives!
Love - Shawna
If you take a bowl and put a marble in it, the marble will roll back and forth. Eventually it will stop. I think that’s what happens for many of us. Rarely is the process linear. We move forward, we backtrack, we move forward, etc. We will bounce around for a while, but eventually we will settle into what we need to do and where we need to be...
Hi Shawna! So glad to hear you found your path - even if it did mean throwing out your clothes on the way.
Truly,
Julie
