Hello from Yucca Valley, Ca

Hello.

I am Marcy.

I am a Transwoman from yucca valley.ca I found this site by accident while searching transgender forums.

This looks like a good site and has some really nice features. But some i will not be able to enjoy as they are upgrade options, which i cannot afford.

I started my transition in 2014. But after loosing my job, because i had started transition, i found myself homeless and broke. Seems that even being trans up here in a smaller community you cant get any work. If it was not for walmart i would never be able to talk to anyone, they leave their WIFI on 24/7.

I never thought i would be in this position, no home, no car, no job, no money, no friends up here.

Anyways.

I have known since i was 5 years old that i was a girl. For my birthday, i wanted barbie dolls, pretty dresses. And the same holds true for Christmas. Needless to say i never got ay of the things i wanted. I got all kind of toys, (For boys).  And i could not understand why. I asked mom and dad, and got that heart breaking answer. Your a boy, you dont play with girls toys, and you dont wear girls clothes. Well needless to say, i cried myself to sleep that night and most every night since. I would pray that i would wake up in the morning and be a girl, never happened.

In Jr. High school, the pain only got worse for me, boys started becoming men, and girls started to become women. And here i was, a girls in a body that was not mine, and one i did not even recognize.

I never knew how to be a boy, how the hell was i going to make it as a man.?, well somehow i managed to make it this long. I tried to push the woman away and hide her, but that never lasted, and month or so would go by and the feelings would come back to the surface.

I hated life, everyone was saying be yourself, but how can you when you and your body are all wrong.

In my teens and up to even now, i would have given anything to experience all the things a woman experiences,  the periods, pregnancy, and all the other things. Well here i am 40 years later, and still at odds with myself, and asking and wondering why i did not do any of this earlier, when i truly could enjoy life.

Well thats my story. Not a very happy one for sure.

Marcy