Hello My Name is Peyton

To start I am a 38 y/o mtf. I have went through a lot of internal struggles throughout my life. I first felt like something wasn’t right around the age of 8. I tried on my first pair of panties and was hooked on the whole feminine vs masculine fight. I felt so much more comfortable in the feminine clothes vs. the masculine clothes. (How society defines ones gender). I never felt comfortable as a “Man” I tired my hardest to fit the role that society wanted me to play.

As a young teenager I first shaved my body hair, what little I had was pubes, they did not appeal to me. I played typical boy sports and did typical boy things. But deep inside, I knew I was faking it. Every chance I had I was wearing panties and exploring boys anatomy instead of girls. I had a girlfriend, but my male friends appealed to me more.

Mid teenage years and all of my friends were girls, sure I hung out with the boys while faking to be male. But my real connection was with my female friends. I started comparing my mannerisms and wondering if my panties were cuter than theirs. “Competing against my female friends”, naturally what teenage girls do to each other.

After high school I joined the military to prove I was a “Manly Man” and to suppress my desires of wearing pretty things. About this time, I changed from male attraction back to female and realized, that I was a effeminate male with an attraction to female. I still experimented with guys, and although a thrill, once sex was complete I was not happy. I started sleeping around a lot more and spending time romantically with more women. They both intrigued me, and upset me. This was due to the fact that I was jealous of them for being able to present in the gender that was comfortable to them and I was not.

Got married shortly after leaving the military and married a wonderful woman while still deep inside me I knew I wanted to be like the woman I married. We had kids, bought a house and we are happy.

Tried having her be in control and explored BDSM, Sissy and FLR scenarios which she was not in to. Tried to suppress my female role in bed more and more. She reared her pretty face every chance she got.

Recently I told her that I want to explore this side of me more, and luckily she is on board with letting me be me. I told her that I am going on hormones for the next 6-12 months to test if this can make me whole. Make me finally be happy as a person and not feel as I am faking life. She is being completely supportive and helping me through this. She is not attracted to females but we had a long talk about her loving me for me and she is seeking guidance on her side while I explore this side of myself.

I may fully transition, I may not. Depends on what I am comfortable with and the rest of my direct family, 1 son 2 daughters.

I started Estradiol injections and Dutasteride currently and although it is still relatively new. I am feeling better already.