Hi All,
I am Shena, 50 years old and pre everything and essentially at the start of my journey where I am learning to accept and own the gender identity that I have repressed for so many years. The last year and a half has pushed me to the point where I need to do something about all the longings hopes desires and feeling that I have been carrying for most of my life.
Like many here, looking back to childhood I knew that something was not right and on and off cross dressed and would feel guilty and purge.
At a later stage and still single, I lived at home entirely as my true self for a period of time. Then searched my heart and struggled to reconcile my faith and relationship with God and reverted to living as a man again. not too long after, I got married to an extremely precious lady.
She understood that I had dressed en femme and went through the period I mentioned earlier before where I went through a time where I wanted nothing more to be a woman. But, that I was over that then. A few years down the line I had the same longings and again went for counseling and worked through them again.
Now nine years into our marriage I have been slammed so hard with gender dysphoria that I can't think straight most days.
I started seeing a psychologist who has worked with transgender people and is graciously understanding and affirming.
My precious wife is entirely against my becoming a woman and I respect and understand her stance.
I have been rambling, so sorry, my hope and desire is to make friends here and build friendships. I am at a place where I am desperate to be able to talk to people who are going or have been through the same experiences.
Warm regards,
Shena
My friend, I have been there and still kind of still there, I have been living as a tranwoman for over 10 months and have never felt so free, but with a cost, and I will talk more if you wish to talk.
Huggs
timmie
Dear Timmie,
Great to meet you.
Yes, I am right at the beginning of learning to count the cost. The path forward is dim and vague and full of things I have not even thought about yet. It is one thing to research and read other peoples' stories and then find that you could never guess what other people's reactions would be. With some people you have an idea. Then there are others who initially have positive reactions and then an example of reality presents and they have a change of heart and then you are back at the beginning working with a whole new set of constraints and feelings. It is going rough at the moment in that area.
I must say that I am learning to be honest and more direct - still a very long way to go. I have always tried to spare people's feelings and this is good and bad. I wrestle with myself asking myself living as my true self is this right for me. (There is a great deal of internal transphobia)
I know so many of us have travelled this road, but it is a comfort to know wherever we are, we are not alone in this. We all have many of the same questions like, "Will transitioning really make me happy" I know happiness is fleeting and circumstantial. I guess what I mean to ask is would I have inner peace and joy finally? Will the noise and distraction in my head finally go away or lessen to a degree that I can hear myself think.
I am trying to start accepting myself and learning to grow.
How have you dealt with the making peace with the cost of living as you were meant to be?
Kind regards,
Shena
Shena...We are All here for you....
At the TGH SITE... I would Love to become, your Friend. And share this Wonderful Journey, to becoming Our True SELF'S All the BEST to you in the Future... Be True to your Self
Be Safe... I will talk to you Soon 💕
What is working for me is to not care what others say and stand behind that thought, I found that I finally
like me.
I just got back from a 3500 mile road trip, this trip gave me time to reflect on the this journey I am on
it helped me understand that I did make the right decision, I talked to GOD, listened to Youtube and TED talks and talked to myself to make sure I am on the right path.
I have to say it was so freeing to travel as my trueself, then again that is who I am for the last 10 months
and plan to be for the rest of my life. I had no trouble with traveling, bathrooms,hotels,stores and people
in general.
Love and huggs
timmie
Shena:
Good to have you here!
You situation mirrors that of many here. As you begin to recognize and accept your true gender identity, the question becomes: What does that mean for the future? Potentially there are consequences that must be dealt with and those decisions that should only be made with conscious thought.
Good that you now have a therapist with experience in the issues that transgender people face. Not everyone has that particular set of skills and experiences. Perhaps that is what happened previously. Anyway, thinking of this process as a journey and not a sprint helps to be able to put things into the proper perspective.
Thanks for completing your Profile page! I often have to remind people to do that, but the important thing is that it provides information as to your current situation and what you are dealing with. Remember that you can update it at any time if something changes for you.
If you would like to search for other members who may be nearby, click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.
Hi Timmie,
I very much enjoyed your post about your road trip. That is a great many miles. The idea of the open road and new adventure is certainly a parallel of our lives with new places and new experiences.
Where did you travel from and too?
How did you come to understand that you did make the right decision?
How did the process look for you to come to this decision?
I know there must a be a large amount thinking and wrestling, but it would so great to hear in broad terms how this process was for you.
Thank you,
Shena
Hello DeeAnn,
Thank you for the warm welcome. It is great to be a part of TGH. I do feel less isolated now since I have joined. It is really wonderful to know that I am not alone anymore and there are many other ladies that understand.
Your are right I am most fortunate to have a very supportive therapist who works with transgender people. That is a blessing.
And you are right, I am thinking rather soberly about the decisions that I need to make. It is certainly not easy and rightly so. I know that I need to do something to change the way I have been living (surviving), because one cannot keep repeating the same thing, doing it in the same way and expecting things to change on their own. (I believe it may have been Einstein who said something like this.)
I am here to learn; make friends and share.
Shena
